11
Dec 09

You running, Ryan Braun?

I am nothing if not a people pleaser so when a commenter requested that we do a story about the Brewers being more open to running next year and "what the Brewers are running from?" I had to oblige and present you THE RUNNING SERIES.

ryanbraun

Ryan Braun, don't run from shit son. I'm a soldier! In fact, I'm about to set the record straight with a freestyle rap that I wrote on my Blackberry. (Ed. note: But Ryan you aren't supposed to write freestyles. Who are you, Drake?) Bitch, stfu. Yo DJ kick that beat. Continue reading →


08
Dec 09

Winter Meeting Madness

randywolfSo, you've probably noticed this site has been kind of quiet as of late. I think I actually saw a little dust collecting on the header. You're probably thinking that Miller Park Drunk is another in the long line of Brewers blogs that got tired of doing it and closed up shop without ever telling anyone, but I assure you that is not the case here. Why would we quit when Seth McClung is thanking the author by name and apologizing for his typing? (You're forgiven.) Why would I quit when there are all these chicks dying to sleep with me? Why would I quit when Ryan Braun's restaurant hasn't even opened yet? Clearly, the world isn't ready to let us quit.

No, the reason you haven't been reading much here lately is because we don't write about bullshit. (Unless, of course, we are the ones making up said bullshit.) I don't want to speculate about silly rumors and then find out later that they weren't true. I don't want to attack an acquisition that never happens. It's just not our style.

The thing with these rumors is they are always ridiculous. Doug Melvin could be in line at a Starbucks where Mark Mulder has been working as a barista and all of the sudden we are on the verge of signing him. Continue reading →


25
Nov 09

Thanksgiving Drunkstravaganza

thanksgivingI love Thanksgiving so, so very much. It combines a few of my favorite pastimes: overeating, drinking heavily, not doing anything, punching family members in the face.  If we could figure out a way to transfer Thanksgiving to the parking lot at Miller Park in mid-August this would be the greatest holiday of all. It still is (why? none of that whiny God shit), but that would make it just that much better like a finger in your asshole during a blowjob. I mean, ummm.... I just... uhh, ummm yeah. So ANYWAYS, Thanksgiving is awesome and I like to consider myself an expert in the holiday. Do I know how to cook turkey and do stuff with the gizard and whatnot? Fuck no. I know how to make this holiday legendary. I know how to turn Thanksgiving into Thanksfuckingyeahgiving. Want to have an awesome holiday? Tired of deciding to go to the movies because you are so bored? Tired of pretending to care about a Cowboys game or using mock outrage that you don't get the NFL Network? Miller Park Drunk is here to guide you through the greatest holiday of them all. Continue reading →


23
Nov 09

Fine! You win! The Molitor lot is cool!

molitorJeez. You people are crazy for this place.

nfeuerer

It's an extra 150 yards to save $7 I can use on beer.

Poonix

@millerparkdrunk you sir are horribly misinformed. Giants lot is the best lot. Fast exit, pee hill, sax guy playing eye of the tiger

TheBigBuckZZZ

This guy doesnt know what hes talking about. RT @millerparkdrunk Molitor gets the shaft in new Miller Park Parking Lot http://bit.ly/1OiKND/

michael_denis
@millerparkdrunk the 'molitor' lot is the biggest party lot of them all! $8 parking, not $20. Maybe you'll make it in by the 6th, maybe not

Some Random Drunk
That lot is the best lot at MP.

Some Random Drunk
I have to agree, the lot is not too bad of a place to park. Easy in and out and not really that much further that the back of Fingers or Money, which is preferred parking thus costing more. I think Yount got more of a shaft that Molly.

Al
Vince, the other commenter is correct, they named the three big lots after the three biggest names…Molitor’s happens to be a ways away. As for who got a bad draw, did you see the Spahn lot? That might be Potawatami’s parking garage.

Some Random Drunk
The Molitor, Yount, and Uecker lots are where I usually park for games. These consist of the average Brewer fan looking to enjoy the game for a reasonable price in general parking; its really not a far walk. I think Spahn got the shaft here. That lot is terrible: theres no tailgaters, full of miller park workers, and you walk next to a junkyard on the way in.

Okay, I get it. I do. People like that lot. Sorry for bashing it.

In my defense I come from the south and normally park in the Uecker or Yount lots. When I get to a preferred game late they will push you forward towards the Spahn and Molitor lots. In order to get to the Molitor lot from that side you have to drive on some crazy back road (which I assume is where the Spahn lot is located, next to the meth lab) and then under a creepy bridge. I had to pay a troll toll to get inside Molitor's hole. Once there? The party was great, but I wanted to get to the game and I had to walk quite awhile to get there. (Through a parking lot! Under an interstate! Through a traffic light! Through all of preferred!) That's all. Sorry for dissing your favorite lot weirdos.


13
Nov 09

So ladies, you want to date Miller Park Drunk huh?

sixteencandlesI have this friend and her friend loves this site. Like loves it, loves it. This person (who I have never met) loves the site an therefore loves me. No, seriously. It's true. I am not making this up. In fact of the 480 facebook fans we have a whopping 32% of them are female! That's like 153 girls reading this site! Do you realize what this all means? Chicks frickin' dig me.

Now look girls I know that you think this is all fun and games, but this is serious business. I'm not some trollop you can just post a few comments on his website and next thing you know I'm taking you out to dinner at a fancy restaurant like Red Lobster. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way. I have feelings, I have emotions, I cried at the end of Wall-E! I'm sophisticated, I watch Mad Men! You can't just mosey on in with your sexy facebook profile pictures and think you're going to horn in on all my riches and move into my lush two bedroom apartment. No, you have to be a special kind of lady to get involved with this guy. There was this one time in high school when my best friend and I made a bet that I couldn't turn the ugliest girl in school (and she was really ugly too, pig tails and glasses! gross!) into the prom queen. Well, I changed that girl and she ended up being beautiful, but she didn't win the prom, she won my heart. I made that bet before I knew her, before I really knew me and that was the night that I realized that it's not what's on the outside that counts. It's what's on the inside.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Ahem.

Where was I at? Prom? I wonder what ever happened to that girl. Yeah, like I was really going to art school with her. Idiot. Wait, that wasn't it. Oh yeah, chicks digging me that are reading this site.

Girls if this is something that you're really interested in doing I have a few guidelines I'd like for you to follow. A few dealbreakers. A few tips. If you think you're serious about this read ahead, but proceed with caution. It's about to get real. Continue reading →