14
Dec 11

TMZ EXCLUSIVE: TMZ tries to get Matt Kemp to bury Ryan Braun and fails

TMZ.com, your #1 source for amateur photographers bothering famous people on the street and then making money off of it despite it's questionable at best legality, caught up with Matt Kemp at The Grove in LA this week and said something stupid about him getting the MVP award for Christmas. Matt Kemp handled it like a pro and dismissed the claims, adding that Ryan Braun was a "good dude" and his homie.

After failing at that the reporter interviewer random dude with a camera decides to bring up Barry Bonds (timely!) to see if Matt Kemp will say anything about him and again, he fails.

It should be noted that TMZ.com (Your #1 source for celebrity gossip! Check your local listings!) posts this video with the headline "Matt Kemp: Don't Call Ryan Braun A Cheater... Yet" despite, you know, Matt Kemp never saying that or anything close to that.

This is pretty stupid, but it shows how far this story has gone. Continue reading →


01
Mar 10

This Week in Witardo: Prince Fielder is a pussy

Because I am insanely jealous that Anthony Witrado has a job working for the Journal Sentinel and I don't, I am going to make fun of him on a regular basis FJM style. It really has nothing to do with his writing I am just a bitter wannabe. Well maybe it has a little bit to do with his writing.

Okay, it's completely due to his writing. Today's story: Fielder uses fear as his fuel

Phoenix — Looking at him, it's far from obvious.

That he's a pussy.

His imposing stature, the tattoos, the snarling looks, the regal name. All those things just act as his mask.

His mask to hide the fact that he is a wuss.

But the fear is immune to those elements and nestles comfortably inside Prince Fielder, ignoring any resistance from his outward machismo and bravado.

Much like a gay man still in the closet.

His psyche is a breeding ground for that fear. It is a constant within the man.

Like his heartbeat, only wussier.

The fear consumes every aspect of his life, and has so from childhood.

That movie Child's Play? Totally freaked him out. Continue reading →


25
Feb 10

This week in Witardo: Gomez, hit better

What's that? You want a regular feature making fun of A-dub? You got it! Today's story: Gomez, Slow Down.

Phoenix - I just got done watching some of the position players take BP on one of the back fields and centerfielder Carlos Gomez was in the bunch.

He's about to get real with us and bring some scouting knowledge. Get ready. He used to play, you know. Continue reading →


09
Oct 09

THIS pitching staff wasn’t THAT bad

davebushhurtWhy do I do this to myself? Why do I read anything on the JSOnline, anything written by Anthony Witrado or anything someone paid Anthony Witrado to do? Do I hate myself? I read Anthony Witrado's last chat of the season and was constantly pissed off while reading it. People asking if Corey Patterson would be our 2010 centerfielder, Witrado fellating Lopez, Witrado saying that Braun or Fielder would net Halladay and just, well, everything. It was all bad. The thing that pissed me off the most though, was this quote from A-dub.

No manager in the history of the game could have taken this team to the post-season with the way the starting pitching was built. Nobody. As any manager does, Macha has fair criticisms, but he almost deserves and INC for this season because the tools weren't in the shed to properly live up to expectations. You will never win by hitting, alone. You NEED to be able to pitch. Some things people don't like can be pinned on Macha, but not that.

Apparently the Brewers had the worst pitching in the history of baseball this season and had no chance to compete. Which is funny when you consider that on July 1st they were in first place.

Now, I'm not saying that the pitching was good. It wasn't, but it was good enough to have them competing for the division crown at the halfway point of the season. It was good enough for them to be among the frontrunners in the National League Central and National League Wild Card races. Unfortunately, there were a few things didn't go their way. Continue reading →


01
Oct 09

What are these people smoking?

Dumb Brewers fan in a Favre Brewers jerseyJust checked out the always enjoyable for all the wrong reasons Anthony Witrado chat from last week and seriously, what is wrong with you people? Are you stoned? I do not like Anthony Witrado, this is well known, but I am starting to think that A-dub is just Charles Manson and the people who participate in these chats are the ones out killing people. Look at some of these questions, it is not pretty.

Q: Michael, Chicago - Thanks for all of your hard work this season Anthony.

Work? He's talking about the time he spends in the mirror adjusting his hat sideways right?

Q: stu pidasso, westallica - hi anthony. just for fun, let's pretend you're doug melvin.

WHY? WHY DO YOU THINK THIS WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA? I've got a better one. Let's pretend you are David Carradine. Here's a belt.

Q: Justink8996 - Do you guys have an update on Alcides "baby mama" drahma? Kinda hard to root for a guy who is a dead beat dad? Guess it would be pretty awkward as a journalist to even ask him about it? "Oh Alcides by the way...." Continue reading →

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