11
Feb 13

It’s Always Good To Be A Brewers Fan

In their recent analysis of a trade between the Athletics and the Astros the gang over at Brew Crew Ball included this line in their opening:

Both sides of yesterday's Athletics/Astros trade show us why it's good to be a Brewer fan.

worldseriesThe gist of the article, it seems, is that the As gave up a lot to fill a need that the Brewers no longer have and that they are in a better position going forward than the Astros. This is oh so very true. Jean Segura could work out great and fill a serious need for a long time, it would suck to be the Astros and the Brewers have very few legit holes in their roster. It is a good time to root for this particular baseball team over those particular baseball teams. (Well, except the As who have an (arguably) better front office, deeper farm system and had a much more fun 2012 than the Brewers, but still.) This is a good point, I suppose, liking the Brewers is "fun" right now. They've been in the discussion for the playoffs in four of the past six years and have actually been there twice. They field teams with superstars like Ryan Braun, Zack Greinke, Ben Sheets Prince Fielder, Eric Gagne and CC Sabathia. Best of all, they aren't the Cubs so the idea of them winning the World Series seems plausible. If you like baseball teams because they might win the World Series, then the Brewers sure are a decent to average choice of baseball team to like!

Is that why we're watching though? Continue reading →


01
Nov 12

Brewers Free Agent Fornication Set To Begin

Despite what Tyler Maas said the other day, how awesome is it that the season is over? I AM SO HAPPY! No more dreaming of impossible scenarios that won't happen, no more Brewers bullpen doing Brewers bullpen thing, no more Cardinals, no more Barry Zito, no more MLB Betting, no more Prince Fielder used to be a Brewer and no more stupid teams in the stupid World Series. I'm glad it's all over and I am ready to move on to my favorite time of the year: free agency!

The great thing about free agency is that everyone is interesting. Alex Gonzalez is a slightly above average shortstop in the declining phase of his career, but when they signed him last year it felt like they were getting Cal Ripken Jr. (The young bald shortstop version, not the older bald third base version.) Free agency has a way of filling us with hope and making us believe that whatever dude we just signed is going to be the key to our championship season.*

*= Unless that signing is Eric Gagne, Jeff Suppan, Jason Kendall, Doug Davis or any of the other sucky assholes this team has brought in over the past few years.

With the free agent FrEnZy set to begin I thought we should take a look at who the Brewers may or may not get. This isn't meant to be a predictions post because my name is not Doug Melvin, but is instead a handy guide for any Brewers front office staff who might be reading this to gauge our feelings on any potential signings. Last season was the worst (and then briefly the best, but mostly the absolute worst) and I don't want to go through that again. You have to get this one right. Don't mess this one up, guys. No pressure.

Continue reading →


05
Aug 09

You wanna act like a bitch? Prince Fielder gonna slap you like one

angryprincefielder

You think this is a game? You think this is a f@*&in game!? You oughta know better Guillermo. You were there, you were there when I punked out Manny Parra. What makes you think you'd be different? What makes you think you're special? I F@*&IN HATE MY DAD! How dare that reporter say that sh*t! You can make all your jokes about me being a vegetarian and not eating meat, but make no f@*&in mistake about it I will ruin you. I. Will. Ruin. You, Guillermo. You ain't nothin' to me. I eat pieces of sh*t like you for breakfast. I mean, what the f@*& am I supposed to do? I'm having the best motherf@*&in' season of my career and Braden Looper has seen as many homeruns as me! What am I supposed to do? We're under .500 despite having me and Braun killin' this sh*t. What is Prince supposed to do? I'm just supposed to sit here and let some punk from last year hit me? You want me to go up to Canada and play some bar league s0ftball so Eric Gagne can hit me too? Is that what this is all about? Punks from last season thinkin' they hard? Man, motherf@*& y'all.


10
Mar 09

Eric Gagne: A Photo Tribute

As you should know by now, Eric Gagne was released by the Brewers this weekend and may miss the entire 20o9 season. In honor of this momentous moment in Brewers history (somewhere between the 82 World Series and Jeffrey Hammonds) we present to you....

Eric Gagne: A Photo Tribute

(Feel free to put on whatever semi-depressing song you like while reading this. We recommend Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb.) Continue reading →


18
Feb 09

The Reliever starring Eric Gagne

April 10th 2008. 6:30 PM. Top of the 8th inning. The Cubs and Brewers are tied 3-3.

[Eric Gagne starts to walk towards the bullpen door, but David Riske stops him.]

David Riske

DAVID RISKE: Eric, you don't have to do this. I'm here. I'm really here. What do you call that?

[Guns N' Roses "Welcome to the Jungle" starts to play.]

Eric Gagne

ERIC GAGNE: Hey, you hear that? This is where I belong. Gotta go.

[Eric Gagne exits the bullpen and heads towards the mound.]

David Riske

DAVID RISKE: (crying) No. Eric! ERICCCCCCCCCC!

Brewers Fans

FANS: (groan) Ugh.

[Gagne makes his way to the mound, but instead of throwing the customary warmup pitches he calls for a microphone.]

Eric Gagne

ERIC GAGNE: I just want to say to you all tonight I'm very grateful to be here. A lot of people told me that I'd never pitch again and that's all I do. You know, if you live hard and play hard and you burn the candle at both ends, you pay the price for it. You know in this life you can loose everything you love, everything that loves you. Now I don't hear as good as I used to and I forget stuff and I aint as pretty as I used to be but god damn it I'm still standing here and I'm a reliever. As times goes by, as times goes by, they say "he's washed up", "he's finished" , "he's a loser", "he's all through". You know what? The only one that's going to tell me when I'm through doing my thing is you people here.

Brewers Fans

FANS: (Lukewarm applause.)

[Eric Gagne gives up homerun on the first pitch.]

Eric Gagne is back!

ERIC GAGNE: I'm an old broken down piece of meat and I deserve to be all alone, I just don't want you to hate me.

kid-flipping-bird

FANS: BOOOO!

[throw trash]

[riot]

[get really drunk]

[fall asleep]

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