Well, it happened again. Someone had sex in the bathroom (with another person) of a Major League park that wasn't me. I mean, what the hell man? It's not like I haven't tried. Okay, maybe I haven't really tried at all but still. For the amount of games I go to you would think that the opportunity would have arisen by now. It's like catching a foul ball right?
Luckily, unlike catching a foul ball there is something I can do about it. No, I'm not talking about roofies. I would never share those. I'm talking about taking matters into my own hands. I'm talking about emailing every known bathroom sex having person and asking them how they did it. I'm talking about soliciting the advice of experts. So unlike my guides for sneaking in booze, getting over a hangover or killing a homeless man in the parking lot and disposing of his body before game time (whoops haven't written that one yet), this is a guide of something that I haven't actually done yet. This is a guide to guide me too. It's an interactive experience here at Miller Park Drunk.
Since much of our fanbase is made up of women we will be providing guides for both men and women. Up first, the ladies.
Earlier this week a rumor got started that the Brewers trading for Zack Greinke was IMMINENT. Not only that, but JJ Hardy, Manny Parra, Mat Gamel and Angel Salome were all going to Kansas City in exchange for him! Fox6 reported this on twitter and it was picked up by a few other outlets. I even had one of my good friends call me on the phone and ask me if I had heard we were getting Zack Greinke. My reply? "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." And now, shockingly, it's all gone. There is no trade, it was just a silly internet rumor. Who could have seen that one coming?
Now, on paper this trade sounds great for the Brewers (well, not really because the team would still need someone to replace Parra's production and that's a lot of offense to let go of but let's just roll with this.) The Brewers would acquire the person who should win the 2009 Cy Young award. The player who was the best player at his position in the league last year and he would fill a position that the Brewers sorely need help in. They wouldn't give up a single player of their 2010 Brewers starting lineup and they'd have a great, young pitcher who is locked up for the next few years. The Brewers absolutely nailed this fake trade and we can just go ahead and pencil them in for the 2010 World Series.