12
Dec 13

Don’t tell me this town ain’t got no Hart

ihartseattleCorey Hart is a Seattle Mariner and with that signing the dream of the baby Brewers who led Milwaukee to prominence died. No more Prince, no more Hart, Weeks is something and Braun sold his soul. The dream is over. It's not that Hart left (because that contract Seattle gave him is probably dumb) it's that I don't even know who this team wants to be anymore. Like I don't understand what their goals are.

Many of the likeable replacements (Axford, Aoki) are gone too and that's fine if it makes the team better, but what is the goal? If the Brewers are going to suck, why get rid of someone everyone loves like Aoki? If you aren't going to be good and you still want to sell tickets you need to be a little bit better than "Ryan Braun is serious this time guys". In the end we're left being "just one of those teams". You know the ones, they are a baseball team with players. A couple of the players are pretty good, but there is no real hot prospect that everyone is talking about and there is a bunch of veterans that make you say "huh, that guy is still around?" One of those teams. The kind of team that other teams think "Can we get them to trade us Gomez? They don't need him." The team that doesn't really contend, but still has to play 162 games. That's the Brewers right now. They are the 90s all over again. They aren't on the cutting edge of statistical analysis, they aren't in a rebuilding phase or one player away from being a contender, they are just a team that plays baseball. They are the Bucks. They are what people outside of Wisconsin has always thought them to be.

Nothing really sums this up quite like the Brewers alleged interest in James Loney. (Did they lose Gamel's number?) Nothing quite says middle of the road, plain jane, boring as fuck baseball team like James Loney. He's a talented baseball player, last season he was 10th in WAR among first baseman, but he just is what he is. He's the type of guy that a small market team signs in free agency because no good team wants him and no good players want Milwaukee. He's the perfect match for a team on the verge of nothingness. He's Kyle Lohse, first baseman. Continue reading →


08
May 13

Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Yuni B

yuni-voldemortLet's start this off properly: Yuniesky Betancourt is the worst shortstop in Brewers history. That might not necessarily be true, but it feels true. In 2011, his last full season as the Brewers shortstop, he was the worst everyday shortstop in the league. Or at the very least in the bottom five. Even when he did good things, he always followed them up with boneheaded plays, errors and stupid pop-ups. He was the worst. People called him names, people called into radio shows screaming for his replacement and nobody was a fan of him. Nobody. @atmeiller calls him Voldemort and it makes sense because when he was playing shortstop he removed all the light from the world and each one of his swings spread a flurry of Death Eaters throughout Miller Park. He wasn't good at baseball and we were all glad to see him go.

When the Brewers brought back Yuni B, it was like seeing your ex-girlfriend walk back through your door. Only instead of the moderately attractive girl you remember she was sporting a neck tattoo that read "SLUT" and a Nickelback t-shirt that barely hid her pregnant belly. And the baby is yours. The Brewers re-signing Betancourt felt somewhat like the worst thing ever, but it wasn't. Why? Continue reading →


24
Jan 12

Prince Fielder signs with the Detroit Tigers

Well here it is. The day we always knew would arrive has finally come and Prince Fielder is officially no longer a member of the Milwaukee Brewers. Some held out hope that the Brewers still had a chance and that the lack of big offers coming in early meant that he'd accept the Brewers original 5 year offer. It was a nice dream, but a dream that ultimately would never come to fruition. The Brewers made their pitch, Scott Boras didn't think it was good enough and that was that. We moved on, signed other guys and played the waiting game on Prince. We waited and waited and waited some more. We waited so long that we started saying things like "Maybe Prince will decide to be a free agent next year instead and come back on a 1-year deal!" We convinced ourselves that there wasn't an offer over 6 years out there and if that was all there was then we could match it, we could get Prince back! With Prince Fielder coming back the Brewers would be better than last year, heck, they'd be better than ever!

And then Prince Fielder signed a 9 year two-hundred-and-fourteen million dollar deal with Detroit.

I won't get too into the place where Prince Fielder decided to sign too much because who cares, but I will say this: it was about the money. It wasn't about playing first base because the Tigers already have a first baseman (who could move to thrid and be bad) and a catcher (who should probably move to first in the next couple years.) He'll be a DH in a year tops. It wasn't about winning (even though they are a lock for the AL Central for at least the next two years) because they are still in the AL and have to go through Boston and/or New York to get to the World Series. It wasn't about family because the chances of his family getting shot/hooked on drugs/turned out just went up about 5000%.

The reason Prince Fielder is a Detroit Tiger is because of the money and that's pretty much the only reason he is a Detroit Tiger. This isn't a bad thing. If someone is going to offer that to him he deserves it and he should take it. The Brewers certainly weren't going to (and thank god for that.) Good for you Prince. Get that money dog. I wish someone would pay me $214 dollars to write this site for the next nine years. I can't imagine what I'd do if you added six zeroes after that. That being said, Detroit? Really?

(While we're here how the hell does Detroit have the money to offer contracts like this? The population has dropped 25% in the last decade, the auto industry is a thing of the past and the city itself is going bankrupt. If I owned that team I'd be less concerned with Prince Fielder and more concerned with getting the hell out of Detroit.)

But enough about that, let's talk about Prince Fielder in Milwaukee. Continue reading →


18
Apr 11

The Milwaukee Brewers got swept by who!?

I woke up this morning and I came to a shocking realization.

I realized that:

  • There was 2-4 inches of snow on the ground
  • Livan Hernandez shut down the Brewers offense
  • The Brewers just got swept by the Nationals

What kind of Bizarro World did I just wake up in? What's with all this snow? Where is the global warming when I need it? And really, who loses both ends of a doubleheader? Besides the Brewers like 400 times already. Who's even managing this team, Ned Macha? Seriously, what is going on here?

That being said besides the snow I don't see any reason to panic. Maybe in retrospect I'd prefer Yovani didn't throw 111 pitches in his second start of the season because he hasn't been the same since, but that will work itself out. (Hopefully.) Let's do something that we never do around here and look at the past three days and maybe come to some understanding about how this sweep could happen. Continue reading →


12
Apr 10

ESPN Sunday Night Baseball

Last night the Brewers made their first appearance of the season on ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball and the announcing was... something. If you were at the game and you didn't have to listen to it consider yourself lucky because this was one of the worst Joe Morgan performances I've seen in a long time. Which is weird because someone opened a blog called "Fire Joe Morgan" about five years ago, you'd think we'd be used to it by now.

The thing about Joe Morgan is this isn't a pro/anti-sabermetrics thing. I don't really care if Joe Morgan knows about OPS or FIP or any of that stuff. Joe Morgan just doesn't analyze a baseball game correctly and often times comes off like a complete idiot who has never even watched the game. Again, weird considering he is in the Hall of Fame for playing baseball and has been announcing games since 1985.

Anyways, between Joe's ridiculous comments, the constant fellating of Albert Pujols and pro-Cardinals stance they took for the much of the game it was an interesting broadcast to say the least. Let's see if we can do it a little bit of justice.

Continue reading →

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