Chris Capuano tells a good comeback story

Baseball June 2nd, 2010

MLB: Brewers v Rangers June 8, 2007

The state of Brewers pitching in 2010 is not good. Jeff Suppan is a twelve and a half million dollar mop-up man, who doesn't actually know the difference between a mop and a sandwich. Manny Parra continues to prove that it's more likely that people will stop talking about Brett Favre than it is for him to figure it out and become an effective starter. Trevor Hoffman continues to make us hate AC/DC and Randy Wolf has been solid, but completely unspectacular, interesting, intriguing, surprising or interesting. It's not been a fun two months, to say the least.

In search of pitching, Brewers fans have thrown their hopes behind young men with mustaches, freakishly tall men with 7-foot boa constrictors and a guy named Zach with a goatee from New Jersey. However, some people (your author included) are throwing their hopes and dreams behind another. A man who once won 18 games in a season, but  also pitched in 22 straight losing games in another season. A former All-Star who hasn't pitched in three seasons and once appeared as a Brewer on The Young and the Restless. A pitcher who is very likely an insufferable douche based on where he went to college (it's Duke, as if I had to clarify) and actually owns a Segway. The pitcher is Chris Capuano and after 32 months away from the major leagues he is poised to start his first game for the Brewers since Amy Winehouse was relevant. To say the least, it's been awhile. Read the rest of this entry »

The Brewers are former stars of pro wrestling

Baseball March 2nd, 2010

It is officially my favorite time of the year.

The weather is slowly starting to get better, spring training has begun and Wrestlemania is right around the corner. Yeah, I said Wrestlemania. Just like everyone that didn't get laid enough wrestling was a big part of my life growing up. I mean, who didn't have a Stone Cold, Rock or nWo t-shirt in that sweet 97-2000 period? Losers, that's who. This should come as no surprise to any of you really. After all, Miller Park Drunk WAS the site that originally suggested the Ultimate Warrior theme for Todd Coffey and we all know how that turned out.

I don't watch as much wrestling as I did back then, but I usually always end up checking it out around Wrestlemania time. If you're looking for a good show, it's a pay-per-view that never lets you down unlike the majority of boxing and the occasional UFC PPVs I have watched over the years (one of the many positives of watching a fake sport.) Sure, there is still some stupid stuff on the show like last year's 20 minute Kid Rock concert, but overall at the end of the show I always feel as if I've gotten my money's worth and it's a perfect set-up drinking-wise for Opening Day. Last season was the perfect storm for my Wrestlemania/baseball orgy as Wrestlemania was Sunday, I went to Twins Opening Day on Monday and then made it home Tuesday for the Brewers first game of the season. Just a great three days of drinking, sporting, hanging with my friends and, of course, drinking. It's spread a bit further out this year, but for some strange reason nothing gets me ready for baseball season like Wrestlemania.

Now all these thoughts of wrestling and baseball have me mixing up the two. Was it Kane that Tombstoned Pete Rose or was that Richie Sexson? Who won 1992 Rookie of the Year for the Brewers, Pat Listach or The Repo Man? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the reason I am confusing the two so much is because they are so much alike. Richie Sexson was who he was because of his size, just like Kane. Pat Listach basically stole the Rookie of the Year award from Kenny Lofton and then disappeared a few years later because he wasn't that good, just like the Repo Men basically stole people's cars and disappeared because he wasn't that good. (Sidenote: how did Listach get  so many at-bats in 96-97? He was awful, I'm talking Shockmaster awful.) The comparisons are endless. However, for the purposes of this article we'll be limiting the comparisons to players currently on the team. So without any further adieu I present to you...

Miller Park Drunk's Guide to Brewers as WWF/E Stars

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Brewers Decade in Review: 2001

Baseball November 20th, 2009

george w bush brewers opening dayAs the decade comes to a close we thought it would be a good idea to look back on what it all meant for the Milwaukee Brewers and their fans. It's the Brewers Decade in Review. SPOILERS: Some of it is good, a lot of it was bad and most of it was forgettable. Just like every decade except for the 80's. The 80's were awesome.

The 2001 Opening Day was probably the most anticipated Opening Day in Milwaukee Brewers history. You couldn't drive on I-94 without seeing it, you couldn't turn on the TV without hearing about it and you couldn't make love to a man or woman without accidentally screaming it's name. The presence of Miller Park lingered over everything. At least that's how I assume it was, I was living in Seattle in 2001 watching Ichiro lead a team to 116 wins eating copious amounts of salmon and drinking five gallons of latte per day. Yet I couldn't help but notice what was going on back home and feeling sorry for everyone. A whopping 2.8 million people came to see the new place that season and the Brewers rewarded them by winning their first game there. a game that had President George W. Bush throwing out the first pitch. It would prove to be the high point of the season. In the next 161 games they went 67-94.

The story of the season was the offense. Like all the Selig era teams they could hit homeruns (3rd in the league) and not do much of anything else except lose. Eight players hit ten or more homeruns that season. You'd think with a lineup like that they would have an above average offense and with this group, you would be wrong. They weren't good.

There was, however, a few bright spots. Read the rest of this entry »

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