It's that time of year again, St. Patrick's Day. Along with Cinco De Mayo and someone else's birthday, it's one of the world's greatest excuses to get drunk for no real reason. Many children have been sired on this day and many people have gotten their first taste of the long arm of the law during a St. Patty's Day celebration. It's a shame really that some people have to ruin a perfectly good drinking day by getting into some sort of trouble. Luckily, your past problems will remain there because from today and on into the future you will have this guide to get you through. You are welcome.
I don't know about you, but I can't make it through a nine inning baseball game (or church) without drinking some hard liquor. Man, I love getting wasted! Anyways since I am an old pro at this from sneaking booze into Wrigley I thought I would help you out. That's right, it's time for...
Miller Park Drunk's Guide to Sneaking in Booze Continue reading →
Welcome to the NEW and IMPROVED Miller Park Drunk. I'm Chad and I am the new boss (and yes that is me bombin' two Old Styles at once,WHAT). Your prolly thinking "why is this dude in a Cubs jersey who can drink two Old Styles at a time and is obviously a pimp buying a site called Miller Park Drunk? Well, if there is one thing I have learned in my life it's that you don't have to like the Brewers to get drunk at Miller Park! Heck, you don't even have to like baseball! In the history of Miller Park the best drunks have ALWAYS come from Chi-town.
For real though, I been reading this website for awhile and thought it was pretty frickin' funny. I just knew that I could make it better. How? By making it about the Cubs, DUH!!!! So I took some money out of my trust fund and gave that idiot who was running it an offer he couldn't refuse (fifty bucks, a 12 pack of Milwaukee's Best and the issue of Playboy with Sable from WWF.) You Wisconsin folk are so simple.
Things are gonna be a bit different around here now. First order of business is to make up for all the dumb stuff this idiot said before. Like who doesn't like a good retro jersey? My prized possession is my autographed Sosa jersey. I'm not supposed to wear that just because he's not on the team anymore? BITE ME MILLER PARK DRUNK! Did Paul Moliter ever hit 60 homers in a season? Didn't think so! How about Robin Yount? No? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Anyways that's enough for the day I gotta head down to the Cubby Bear for a little pregame before the Cubs WHOOP some Brewers ASS tonight. That's right, Ryan Braun does my taxes. I'll be the dude in the autographed Sosa jersey sipping on Old Style. If you see me come say whats up and maybe I'll give you a little tug off my flask. Jack Daniels? YOU DAMN RIGHT JACK DANIELS.
Tomorrow we should have some more awesome, way better than before stuff including a VERY SPECIAL GUEST WRITER who I think kicks total ass and more stuff that kicks ass. Have fun watching the game tonight, I know I will.
PREDICTION: Cubs 17 Brewers 1. Theriot hits for the cycle.