23
Jul 09

YES @bigleaguestew THE NL CENTRAL RACE IS GOOD FOR BASEBALL

nlwildcardBig League Stew currently has a poll up on their website asking if the current National League Central race is good for baseball. Thus far 345 people have answered with a whopping 89% saying that "Sure, why not?" it is good for baseball. To which I say, WELL DUH.

Look, let's come at this from the prespective that I am not a Brewers fan. Let's just say I am a mild mannered baseball fan from somewhere in Nebraska. I don't really have any allegiances because my parents hated me and raised me in Nebraska. I am too stupid to move anywhere cool because I went to school in Nebraska and only know that corn is real good for you. I do like to watch the baseball. The stars of the game are what draw me to it. Albert Pujols! Ryan Braun! Prince Fielder! Lance Berkman! Someone from the Cubs! You know what I would love to see these stars do? Make the playoffs! My enjoyment of baseball is built around my enjoyment of watching these superior athletes compete and what better way to see them than in the heat of a playoff race? Sure, they might only end up with a win total in the mid 80s but if we've learned anything over the past few years anything can happen in the playoffs. I don't care about the Cardinals or the Brewers, I care about Albert Pujols and Ryan Braun. Let me see the stars shine, that's why the Wild Card works. That's why division realignment works.

Let's look at it from the prospective of Major League Baseball and TV Networks. Playoff race=ratings. Makes sense to me.

Okay, now I am a Brewers fan. OF COURSE THIS IS A GOOD THING ARE YOU FREAKIN CRAZY?! WE HAVE THE CHANCE TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS TWO YEARS IN A ROW!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES THAT HAS HAPPENED IN OUR HISTORY?! ZERO!!!!11 NEVER BEFORE AND YOU ARE ACTING LIKE ITS A BAD THIGN?! (OKAY ONCE BUT IT DOESNT REALLY COUNT BECAUSE IT WAS THAT STRIKE YEAR, BUT STILL!!!!!) 82!!!!! WE HAVE THE CHANCE TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS TWO YEARS IN A ROW AND DEFEAT OUR HATED RIVALS DOING IT! WOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!1 HALLADAY! HALLADAY! HALLADAY!

To Brewers fans, playing as poorly as they have and still being in the race, is great for us. But you aren't a Brewers fan 'Duk, you're a Cubs fan and you are exactly right. This IS bad for you. The last two years have hurt and I feel bad for you, I really do. You don't want your team to make the playoffs again this year because this year's team is a lot worse than last year's team and you're not sure you can handle that kind of thing again. What could be worse than that is making a late run, only to fall a game behind. Or losing a tiebreaker. That would suck. As a Cubs fan you desperately want someone to run away with this division so you don't have to worry about what might happen if they actually do this thing. And I don't blame you one bit. As for the rest of us? A tight NL Central is great.


06
Jul 09

Ryan Braun has a funny way of inspiring people

Ryan+Braun+Darren+Hauck+AP

Hey, you. Mark Burns? I'm sorry, Mike Burns. Listen Mark, I want to talk to you about your pitching. It's not good. I'm just going to come right out and tell you right now that if Dave Bush comes back from the DL, I am sending you down to the minors. We're also looking into some trades right now and if we find the right fit, we will demote you. Just wanted to let you know.

Same goes for you too Seth. We probably won't release you or send you to the minors, but you're definitely out of the rotation. I won't have it. I might actually decide to trade you if you keep this up.  Just so you know, nothing personal. I just find you to be a terrible pitcher and don't really like you as a person. Nothing personal though.

Hey Mr. Mustache, are you going to make a freakin' trade or what? Do I have to do everything for myself around here? Get me some help. We can't spot every team four run leads. Seriously, how hard is your job? Pick up the phone and do something.

Prince, put that down. Don't eat that. Dammit man, we're All-Stars. Eat like one. I don't care if it's a veggie burger, Krispy Kremes are not buns.

What are you looking at Corey? Why don't you get a freakin' haircut and shave your face? You're a Milwaukee Brewer, not a Milwaukee Meth Cook.

Yo A-Dub, cool shirt. With that being said, learn how to write would you? You misspelled home run last week. I don't need that.

'Oh look at me, I'm Casey McGehee. I'm getting all these hits, but I can't even play the field.' Come on, man. Even I can play third base better than you.

Speaking of third base, where's Bill Hall? He better be in the batting cage so help me God.

Hey Jeff Suppan just wanted to congratulate you on pitching so well for the first time in your life. Great work.

You guys know what would be cool to have on our team? A pitcher that hits like a pitcher batting 8th. Oh wait we already have that. His name is Jason Kendall. Nevermind.

Macha take Willie with you and go get my dry cleaning. It's the least you could do to help this team.

Braun out.


16
Jun 09

We are the freakin’ All Stars

Cleveland. Monday, June 16 2009.

Willie Randolph The new All-Star votes are in! Hey everybody come check it out!
Prince Fielder Come on coach, we gotta get ready for the game we can't be messing with that stuff.
Ryan Braun Yeah, we've been struggling lately. We need to focus. Miller Park Drunk didn't even feel like updating Monday we've sucked so bad.
Ken Macha Just look at them guys, you know how important this is to him.
Ryan Braun Fine. Bring em over.

/peruses

Prince Fielder /studies
Ryan Braun Who the f@#& is Raul Ibanez?
Prince Fielder THIRD PLACE!?
Ryan Braun I'm losing to a guy who is old enough to have religiously watched the A-Team.
Prince Fielder

THIRD PLACE!?

Ryan Braun I'm losing to a guy who offers his stool to any blogger who talks bad about him.
Prince Fielder

THIRD PLACE!?

Ryan Braun I'm losing to an uglier Tom Morello of Rage Against the Machine.
Prince Fielder

THIRD GDMF PLACE!?!?

Ryan Braun /decides to perform to potential
Willie Randolph I think that went well.
Ken Macha Agreed.
bill castro u guys no nething about pitchering?

25
May 09

What is this strange place? It is nothing like home

machahead /steps off the plane in Minnesota
sveumd WOAH
*Apr 17 - 00:05* WOAH
machahead WOAH
sveumd Where the F are we?
*Apr 17 - 00:05* The itinerary says "Minn-ass-atah".
sveumd Where is that, freakin' Japan?
machahead No, "Minn-AH-So-Tah". You know, 'Discover Minnesota' like in the commercials they show during our games.
sveumd You watch TV during our games?
machahead You don't?
*Apr 17 - 00:05* LOL
sveumd LOL
*Apr 17 - 00:05* Whoa, what's the deal with all these white people? I feel like the Jackie Robinson of Minnesota tourism.
machahead Yeah and did you notice how things are sort of "blue collar" here?
sveumd And there is a surprising amount of overweight people?
machahead Talk about a bizarro world.
*Apr 17 - 00:05* Yeah and did you see all these purple jerseys? It's almost like the people who live here care more about their NFL team than their baseball team.
sveumd DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO
machahead And what is the deal with all these lakes? It's like every time you turn around, there's another lake.
*Apr 17 - 00:05* The road is long with many a winding turn. He ain't heavy, he's my brother.
sveumd /high five
*Apr 17 - 00:05* If I can be serious for a moment, I bet some of the population says things like "yah hey dare" and "doncha know?"
sveumd I bet the people here hate the Chicago Bears.
machahead I bet in the winter time it is easier to find fresh venison than a good plate of caviar and that it's always easier to find a good microbrew than a nice bottle of wine.
sveumd I bet the amount of liberals and conservatives is evenly distributed, but for some reason most of the liberals live in a specific area of the state.
*Apr 17 - 00:05* I bet the fall is beautiful, the winters too long and the summers too short.
sveumd Seriously Ken, this place is freaking me out. I'm a hitting coach, get me out of here!
*Apr 17 - 00:05* Yeah, it's nothing like Wisconsin. We need to hightail it out. Screw our record, this is about SURVIVAL.
machahead Don't worry guys, I'll take care of everything.

AND THE REST IS HISTORY.

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