31
Aug 12

TRL Friday: Fire Doug Melvin, Apocalypses and more

Going to try something new on Fridays that we'll call TRL Friday. Basically you (you) send me questions on Twitter and I (Vince) answer them here on the blog. (I should admit I stole this idea from my buddy Tom.) I'll keep doing it as long as I get questions. So hit me up @millerparkdrunk hashtag TRL AOL keyword baseball Ask Jeeves. Cool? Cool. Now let's go.

mgnirk asks if we think Doug Melvin's job is in jeopardy.

Short answer: No.

Long answer: Hell no.

While this season has been a huge disappointment and Mark Attanasio is probably not too happy about it he still has to realize what a great team Doug Melvin put together. He absolutely nailed the Aramis Ramirez and Norichika Aoki signings. The Lucroy extension is looking good. The rotation has been one of the better ones around and that's with Shaun Marcum missing a large amount of time with an injury. You can't fire your GM for the bullpen's performance especially when your top two (who never had ERAs close to 4 in their career) post 5+ ERAs. I don't think anyone could have seen that coming. One of the two maybe, but no way both.

In retrospect they probably should have gotten another decent bullpen arm in the offseason. Jose Veras was basically expected to be the number three guy out there and, well, maybe someone who is traded straight up for Casey McGehee isn't the best choice for that role. Just saying.

SecondHandStore wants to know which APOCALYPSE would be worse: Cat, Duck, Zombie, or Robot?

Well, obviously, the answer is robot. Have you seen the future in the Terminator movies? That place is bleak, man. There is nothing redeeming about that place whatsoever. It's like Detroit, but everywhere.

There has been so much zombie stuff on TV and in movies over the past few years that I feel like a zombie apocalypse wouldn't even be that big of a deal. We all know how to kill them, we would all really get off on the fact that we get to kill them and the whole thing would be over in a day or two.

As for the apocalypse I fear the most? Cat apocalypse. They don't make enough Zyrtec in the world for my allergies to handle a Cat apocalypse.

BMWolf7 asks if Rickie Weeks would be faster with less hair.

Who am I, Bill Nye? I don't know science, man.

How about this question: Is it time for Rickie Weeks to get a new hairstyle? The answer is yes.

In 2009 I wrote a post about Rickie looking like Play from Kid N' Play and I am pretty sure he hasn't cut his hair since. Is this Intervention worthy? It does look pretty cool, but enough is enough man. You aren't joining SOJA.

timmyt3477 is wondering if there is a Miller Park Stoner and if not wonders where he can apply.

I don't think there is a Miller Park Stoner, but if I had to do it all over again I might have went with that. (Actually, I wouldn't because I have preemie lungs and smoking makes me cough, but still hear me out.)

Think about it. Drinking makes you all emotional. Last night I drank a bottle of wine and started watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Angel breaks up with her, but then she goes to the prom and her class gives her an award for saving their lives so many times and then Angel shows up for one last dance. You know what happened? Tears started coming out of my face because of an episode of a TV show that aired 13 years ago. This is definitely the alcohol's fault and not because I am a huge pussy. Drinking is the worst.

Oh, but what does weed do to you? It relaxes you. It makes you feel good. It expands your mind, man. Did you watch yesterday's Brewers loss to the Cubs? With K-Rod blowing the lead and Alfonso Soriano (really) hitting the game winning single? Did you see that? Wasn't it terrible? Now imagine it ON WEED. It was kind of awesome, wasn't it? You saw deep into the soul of this baseball team and saw a scared white tiger that didn't know it's own strength. When Alfonso Soriano hit that ball it didn't phase you. You ate like three bags of Cheetos and stared at your orange fingers for an hour. It was like looking at the back of a five dollar bill, but better. You probably don't even remember who won and you don't care. Why? Because you got glow sticks, that's why. Being the Miller Park Stoner would be awesome. Although I imagine you won't get much writing done.

JakeInWisconsin asks if I'd like to see Zack Greinke return next season.

I guess? I mean, he's really good at baseball and if he wants to play here under a reasonable deal it's pretty hard to say no to that. He's been the 9th best pitcher by WAR in all of baseball over the past three seasons so having a guy like that on your team would be pretty awesome.

That being said I am not really in love with the idea and won't be upset if they don't even try. For one Zack Greinke is going to be really expensive and not only that he'll also require a lot of years which is what always gets you on those contracts. In 2019 I don't want my son bitching about this old weirdo who sucks taking up roster space and payroll. That wouldn't be fun for me. (Then again who even knows if there will be baseball in 2019 after the Cat Apocalypse.) Besides isn't it always fun to start fresh with someone new? Mike Fiers might not be even half as good as Greinke, but he's new and exciting. It's fun to see what he'll do next. We know what Greinke will do next and it will either be really awesome or really frustrating. Forget that. Getting back Zack Greinke would be like getting back together with your high school girlfriend. Sure, she might still be attractive, but you've been there and done that. New is always better. Even if it's not actually better. You know?


20
Jan 10

Retro Weekends are going to be awesome

I love Retro Friday at Miller Park. Some out there will rail against it saying that we need to leave the past in the past and that the team needs to forge it's own identity and blah blah blah, to which I say screw off. Saying we should get rid of the ball and glove logo is like saying we should get rid of the American flag. You know who wants to get rid of the American flag? Terrorists.

Luckily for us and the safety of our nation, the Brewers agree with me. In fact they are taking retro Fridays into the future for their 40th anniversary and turning them into four retro weekends. Let me tell you, they sound AWESOME. Continue reading →


25
Nov 09

Thanksgiving Drunkstravaganza

thanksgivingI love Thanksgiving so, so very much. It combines a few of my favorite pastimes: overeating, drinking heavily, not doing anything, punching family members in the face.  If we could figure out a way to transfer Thanksgiving to the parking lot at Miller Park in mid-August this would be the greatest holiday of all. It still is (why? none of that whiny God shit), but that would make it just that much better like a finger in your asshole during a blowjob. I mean, ummm.... I just... uhh, ummm yeah. So ANYWAYS, Thanksgiving is awesome and I like to consider myself an expert in the holiday. Do I know how to cook turkey and do stuff with the gizard and whatnot? Fuck no. I know how to make this holiday legendary. I know how to turn Thanksgiving into Thanksfuckingyeahgiving. Want to have an awesome holiday? Tired of deciding to go to the movies because you are so bored? Tired of pretending to care about a Cowboys game or using mock outrage that you don't get the NFL Network? Miller Park Drunk is here to guide you through the greatest holiday of them all. Continue reading →


19
Oct 09

Witrado’s Quest 3

The slow news days have begun and due to MLB rules there is only a playoff game once every six days. What do we do? Inspired by our favorite site The Dugout, we've decided to follow our favorite JSOnline writer Anthony Witrado on a quest. A quest to find love, adulation and respect in a cruel world that doesn't understand him or particularly like him. Will he find what he's been seeking? Or will he fail at it, like he's failed at life so many times before? Find out in Witrado's Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event.

In part one Anthony learned that his fellow writers at the Journal Sentinel were not fans of his. In part two convinced that they were the only ones, Anthony set off to find someone who liked him at Miller Park only to be met with more failure and a cross-dressing Doug Melvin. Blaming the state of Wisconsin instead of his own shortcomings, Anthony headed back to his home in California where his favorite team was playing a meaningful game. Continue reading →


05
Oct 09

Why Miguel Cabrera is an a-hole

miguel-cabreraLast week I did a playoff preview where I went through each team individually and tried to pick a favorite (and it looks like I'll be an honorary Coors Field Drunk for the rest of this month). I went through each of the playoff teams and decided that the Tigers were going to win the division. The Twins had something like a 5% chance of coming back and I didn't think they would do it. Here's what I said.

(Skipping the Twins. They aren't coming back.)

That's it. I didn't even feel the need to justify it and now they are in a one-game playoff for the AL Central title to be played tomorrow.

(Quick tangent on this: Each year the MLB holds a series of coinflips in the event of tiebreakers to decide the home team. The Twins won this coinflip. (As lar pointed out in the comments this has been changed, but the overall point still stands.) Now, why wouldn't the MLB look at the schedule and say "You know, we want these tiebreakers to take place on Monday. We don't want either team gaining an advantage and we want the playoffs to start on Tuesday. Even though you won the toss, if you can't have that game on Monday, we're going to have that game on Monday in Detroit. Sorry." How hard would that be? The playoffs take forever as it is, why add a day because Brett Favre unretired?)

So, the Tigers play the Twins in a four game series and they split it when everyone says the Twins need to win 3 of 4 to have a chance. Then they sweep the Royals while the Twins fall apart against the White Sox. WHY? Why does this happen? I don't really care about either team at all, but I don't like to be wrong. Who likes to be wrong? Who is responsible for me to possibly be wrong? Miguel Cabrera, that's who. Continue reading →

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