12
May 09

Tom H’s JSOnline Chat

Yesterday Tom "I hate my job" Haudricourt did a chat at JSOnline. He answered a lot of questions, but he didn't have time for all of them. Luckily, Tom H and I are tight (we listen to goth music together) and he allowed me to put the questions and his answers that they didn't have time for right here on Miller Park Drunk!

Q: mary anne, milwaukee - tom are you on facebook, myspace or twitter?
A: Tom Haudricourt - Why don't you check out my FaceBook profile and find out? Oh that's right I am not an idiot like you who uses FaceBook or MYspace. Go tweet yourself.
Q: milwaukee fan - You are an awesome writer and I love Tony as well. Just a quick question: what color is the sky?
A: Tom Haudricourt - Thanks so much. We do our best around here, we like to think of ourselves as the Woodward and Berninstein of Milwaukee. To answer your question: depends what day.
Q: Mark, Eau Claire - Tom: I was wondering if you could tell me how Braun's first three years thus far compare to some of the other great baseball players. It seems like he's right up there with Pujols and other legends.
A: Tom Haudricourt - I have neither the time or the desire to research such things.
Q:
miranda, appleton
- tom are you single?
A: Tom Haudricourt - That's really none of your business, but if I was I wouldn't date some loser Brewers fan who reads my chats.
Q: Jack, New Berlin - Tom, I love the Brewers and I love going to Miller Park but the coverage that you and Tony deliver is beyond atrocious. I now get all of my Brewers information from blogs even though I'd prefer it from the JSOnline. Is there any chance of your editors realizing how bad you are and replacing you with better reporters? Or will the JS continue to stick it's head in the sand and act like everything is alright?
A: Tom Haudricourt - I'm glad they let you use the internet at the school for the mentally challenged, retard. Maybe if you knew anything you'd know that I am the best this stupid city will ever have.
Q: brewcrew4eva - Tom I hate Ryan Braun, Rickie Weeks, Mike Cameron, Prince Fielder and Yovanni Gallardo. Is there anyway the team can just clone Corey Hart and Craig Counsell and have them play every position?
A: Tom Haudricourt - No, but there is probably about 100 different ways you can kill yourself. Go try a few.
Q: Jack, New Berlin - Hey Tom me again. How do you think the Brewers will handle Capuano's return from the DL? Julio seems sure to go, but Cap is most valuable as a starter I'd think.
A: Tom Haudricourt - Go f yourself.
Q: Bill, La Crosse - Non Brewers question: Do you think the Cubs will turn it around and start being the team people thought they'd be in the preseason? Also, will the Dodgers still be good without Manny?
A: Tom Haudricourt - I'm paid to cover the Brewers, not the rest of baseball. Please don't waste everyone's time with this. Okay, that about wraps it up. It's not like I'm getting paid by the hour here. See you guys at the ballpark. (Actually, I won't because I'll be in the press box and you'll be in the upper deck.)

Thanks Tom!


01
May 09

The Chris Farley Show

Today at the official site they are doing a chat with Brewers' pitcher Yovani Gallardo. I can not think of one question that I'd like to ask him. I don't really know why this is. I like the guy, he's a great pitcher and if I ever saw him out I'd try to talk to him and hang out, but in a chat? No thanks.

In the end I don't think I'll even read the transcript. So I don't want to see a Yovani Gallardo chat. What I do want to see is Yovani on The Chris Farley Show. I think that's something I might be interested in. Continue reading →


24
Apr 09

Alyssa Milano previews the upcoming series

Alyssa MilanoSometimes I don't feel like writing and since I'm young and hip, I can call my other young and hip friends to fill in for me. Smart, intelligent, baseball fans who are happy to do it. Like the star of Charmed and Charles in Charge Who's The Boss?, Alyssa Milano!

Hiya! I know what ur probably thinking, like omigod what is she doing here? Shouldn't she be acting in some super successful movie or attending some glitzy red carpet event? What you might not know about me, Alyssa Milano, is that I love baseball! Like so much! I even wrote a book about it. Now I know youare all huge fans and probably have like a million questions for me so I'll just try to get a few of the big ones out of the way.
Continue reading →


14
Apr 09

The season is over, but at least we have this to look forward to

I actually had someone say to me yesterday "if we can't beat the Reds, we're done." This is the eighth of one sixty two by the way, roughly 5% of the season. The Brewers are on pace to finish 77-84 and that is just not good enough to make the playoffs. We had a good run. So while the season may be over, at least we have these great individual seasons to look forward to because everyone knows what happens in the first week is what happens for the entire season.

Corey Hart: 69 Homeruns/115 walks/115 RBI/0 SB/.307 BA
Rickie Weeks: 23 HRs/23 BBs/23 SBs/92 RBIs
Mike Cameron: 23 HRs/46 SBs/Career High .298 BA
JJ Hardy: 23 HRs/115 RBIs to go with a .106 BA
Ryan Braun: 46 SBs unfortunately he hits 0 HR
Yovanni Gallardo: 23-23/6.93 ERA
Jeff Suppan: 0-46/12.89 ERA

So we got that going for us.


09
Apr 09

What Yovani Gallardo’s start and home run mean

ap-brewers-giants-baseball3

Carlos Who?

Last night could have been one of the most important starts in the history of baseball. The implications of Yovani Gallardo's performance and three run homer may lead to the end of global warming, world peace and an end to the crime against humanity that is the seventh inning beer sale cutoff. Last night's start was the dawning of the Age of Aquarius. This is not to say that the Brewers clinched a playoff spot last night and that Gallardo clinched a Cy Young, it's just that if this is the pitcher we are getting this season those things become a hell of a lot more likely. In fact here's a list of other things that become a hell of a lot more likely:

  • Ken Macha looking like a genius
  • Jack Zdurencik looking like even more of a genius
  • Jet packs
  • First black president
  • Two chicks at the same time
  • University of Wisconsin becoming the new ASU
  • Carlos Zambrano becoming irrelevant
  • People forgetting all about that fat guy

Basically, instead of all that giant squid crap Ozymandias should have just waited until Gallardo was born, got hurt and then returned to hit a home run off Randy Johnson.