Thanksgiving Drunkstravaganza

Off-Base November 25th, 2009

thanksgivingI love Thanksgiving so, so very much. It combines a few of my favorite pastimes: overeating, drinking heavily, not doing anything, punching family members in the face.  If we could figure out a way to transfer Thanksgiving to the parking lot at Miller Park in mid-August this would be the greatest holiday of all. It still is (why? none of that whiny God shit), but that would make it just that much better like a finger in your asshole during a blowjob. I mean, ummm.... I just... uhh, ummm yeah. So ANYWAYS, Thanksgiving is awesome and I like to consider myself an expert in the holiday. Do I know how to cook turkey and do stuff with the gizard and whatnot? Fuck no. I know how to make this holiday legendary. I know how to turn Thanksgiving into Thanksfuckingyeahgiving. Want to have an awesome holiday? Tired of deciding to go to the movies because you are so bored? Tired of pretending to care about a Cowboys game or using mock outrage that you don't get the NFL Network? Miller Park Drunk is here to guide you through the greatest holiday of them all. Read the rest of this entry »

Brandon Jennings and the Bucks

Off-Base November 17th, 2009

According to an extremely small sample size of my twitter followers the Bucks aren't quite back, but Brandon Jennings definitely has their attention. Following one player over the rest of the team seems about par for the course for an NBA team so this isn't very surprising. Personally I make no qualms about liking the Bucks now specifically because of this one player so I don't really have a problem with it. He's awesome and it's certainly better than not liking the Bucks at all right? But the more I thought about it, the more I thought that while this sort of behavior is perfectly acceptable for you and me maybe the rest of the Bucks players don't feel the same way. Everyone I talk to says that the past few games at the Bradley Center have been the loudest they have been to in years and it's all because of this one guy. That can't do much for Andrew Bogut's self esteem, right? Then again, what do I know about the Bucks locker room? It's not like I have ever been inside of it, recording their conversations and dictating them on the internet. OR HAVE I. Read the rest of this entry »

So ladies, you want to date Miller Park Drunk huh?

Off-Base November 13th, 2009

sixteencandlesI have this friend and her friend loves this site. Like loves it, loves it. This person (who I have never met) loves the site an therefore loves me. No, seriously. It's true. I am not making this up. In fact of the 480 facebook fans we have a whopping 32% of them are female! That's like 153 girls reading this site! Do you realize what this all means? Chicks frickin' dig me.

Now look girls I know that you think this is all fun and games, but this is serious business. I'm not some trollop you can just post a few comments on his website and next thing you know I'm taking you out to dinner at a fancy restaurant like Red Lobster. I'm sorry, but it just doesn't work that way. I have feelings, I have emotions, I cried at the end of Wall-E! I'm sophisticated, I watch Mad Men! You can't just mosey on in with your sexy facebook profile pictures and think you're going to horn in on all my riches and move into my lush two bedroom apartment. No, you have to be a special kind of lady to get involved with this guy. There was this one time in high school when my best friend and I made a bet that I couldn't turn the ugliest girl in school (and she was really ugly too, pig tails and glasses! gross!) into the prom queen. Well, I changed that girl and she ended up being beautiful, but she didn't win the prom, she won my heart. I made that bet before I knew her, before I really knew me and that was the night that I realized that it's not what's on the outside that counts. It's what's on the inside.

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

Ahem.

Where was I at? Prom? I wonder what ever happened to that girl. Yeah, like I was really going to art school with her. Idiot. Wait, that wasn't it. Oh yeah, chicks digging me that are reading this site.

Girls if this is something that you're really interested in doing I have a few guidelines I'd like for you to follow. A few dealbreakers. A few tips. If you think you're serious about this read ahead, but proceed with caution. It's about to get real. Read the rest of this entry »

Last minute Halloween costumes

Off-Base October 30th, 2009

It's Halloween, but you are far too cool to dress up. You're just going to sit home, drink some beer and watch game 3 of the World Series. You tell yourself that the reason for this is because you are somehow emotionally invested in this World Series, but the truth is you just don't have anything better to do. Then it happens. That cute boy or girl from work you've had your eye on invites you to a Halloween party at their apartment, but you have to wear a costume. Only problem is it's the day before, you don't have any money and you don't have any creativity. What are you going to do?

You're going to use one of our MPD Approved Halloween Costumes, that's what you're going to do. Read the rest of this entry »

Who ya got? 2009 MLB Playoffs

Baseball September 30th, 2009

Red Sox Yankees BaseballWell, you aren't going to believe this but after last night's loss to the Rockies the Brewers have been eliminated from playoff contention. Even if the planes carrying the Dodgers, Cardinals, Rockies and Phillies crash into eachother the Brewers still won't make the playoffs. Sad, I know.

Anyways I just found out that the playoffs still happen if the Brewers don't make it and despite the Brewers not being in contention they will still hold a "World Series". I am interested in this and plan to watch these "playoffs" until their logical conclusion which I assume is called the "championship", I don't know I'm new to this whole baseball thing. I only started watching the Brewers last year. Since the Brewers aren't involved I thought we should figure out who we all want to root for and pretend that we were fans of this team for the next six months until the playoffs end. So let's get down to it. Read the rest of this entry »

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