02
May 11

Milwaukee Brewers terrorist watch list

WE DID IT!!!! WE KILLED OSAMA BIN LADEN!!!!

I mean, it's more like Osama Bin DYING now am I right?

HAHA WOOOO! USA! USA! USA!

TERRORISTS SHOULD KNOW THAT WE WILL FIND YOU AND TAKE YOU DOWN! YEAH!!!! USA! USA! USA!

Unfortunately, the end of Osama Bin Laden is not the end of terrorism. I wish it were that simple, but it's not. There are still many threats facing our nation and there will always be more threats facing our nation after those ones are gone. There's not much we can do about it, it's just the way it is. We will continue to fight and hunt them down because that's what we do.

Terrorists are not only abroad, but some of them exist right here in our country. Right here in Wisconsin. Some of them are so close to you that you don't even know it. Some of them... ARE IN MILLER PARK! We need to make the extinction of these terrorists a top priority. I mean, they don't  blow up buildings or kill people, but they do something almost as bad: they ruin our enjoyment of baseball games. Outside of the terrorists who actually kill people these people are the greatest threat facing our nation today and something must be done to stop them. Continue reading →


27
Jul 10

The Five People You Meet at Miller Park Drunk’s Pants Party

Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party is going to be many things. It's going to be the first (and possibly last) meet up this site ever does. It's going to be one of the greatest tailgates of the year. It's going to be awesome, really awesome. More importantly, it's going to be an experience that changes your life on a deep level for many, if not all, of you.

Now, I know what you're thinking "Shut up, Vince. I know you are just trying to sell tickets to your stupid party that's over a month away" and you would be 100% correct. I am trying to sell tickets to my stupid party that's over a month away. Shit costs monies, yo. But I am also being completely honest with you right now. Your life will be changed by this event. You will walk out of (or possibly be carried out of) this event with your life changed in ways that you never thought possible. You see, you're going to meet people at this event. People you never knew existed and people you never thought could exist. People who will change your perception of reality to the point that you will start carrying a totem around like Cobb in Inception. People who will blow your mind. In fact, I know these people and if you are even a little bit interested in this event I'd like to tell you about them. I think you'll like them. Continue reading →


03
Jun 10

And now a message from JJ Hardy

Hey look, it's JJ Hardy! Remember him? He was a Brewer last year. I wonder what he's been up to lately. .226/.275/.346? That's like Gregg Zaun in April bad, only without the getting better in May part. Yikes. Let's see how he feels about that.

What's up cheese for brains... brains?

I saw that you finally won a game last night, that must have been so exciting for you. Wins are kind of old news up here in Minnesota, we're usually win like 10 or eleven games a week up here. It's a lot different than Milwaukee, that's for sure. For one, we play outdoors not like you wussies with your roof. You know what happened the other day? It rained. On the baseball field. I was like "close the roof!" and Justin Morneau was all like "we don't have a roof bro." It was nuts, man.

So how's that new shortstop working out for you? Owl City Escobar, right? How many homeruns does he got? Two? That's it, really? Only two? Pssh, I have three already and I've played like 15 less games than he has. Good thing you traded me, haha. Wasn't he supposed to be some kind of savior or something? Number one prospect, my butthole.

How about that guy you traded me for, Carlos something-Mexican? Perez? Gonzalez? Chimichanga? How's he doing? Three homeruns too, eh? That's pretty good. I bet his average isn't as good as mine though. Oh? Well, how about his OBS or whatever? 71 points higher, are you sure? Well, it's early. I'm sure he'll go on a cold streak sooner or later. As long as mine's higher than Al Sea-Tac's Scuba Gear, I'm good. Continue reading →


20
Jan 10

Retro Weekends are going to be awesome

I love Retro Friday at Miller Park. Some out there will rail against it saying that we need to leave the past in the past and that the team needs to forge it's own identity and blah blah blah, to which I say screw off. Saying we should get rid of the ball and glove logo is like saying we should get rid of the American flag. You know who wants to get rid of the American flag? Terrorists.

Luckily for us and the safety of our nation, the Brewers agree with me. In fact they are taking retro Fridays into the future for their 40th anniversary and turning them into four retro weekends. Let me tell you, they sound AWESOME. Continue reading →


30
Dec 09

Best of Miller Park Drunk 2009

LOLBREWERS: Rickie WeeksHey, it's time for one of those year end clip shows that you love so much. You know like that time on Full House when we saw how much we truly loved and appreciated Uncle Jesse after seeing those old clips. There was no need for him to move out of the house with his family, he could just live in the attic!

Miller Park Drunk has only been open a year, but we've published over 300 posts in that time period. Call this the best of 2009, call it The Beginner's Guide to Miller Park Drunk, call it whatever you'd like, here it is.

BEST OF THE BEST

Don't You Forget About the Brewers: John Hughes, director of such classics as The Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink, died this year and the Brewers paid him a tribute.

LOLBREWERS: Can't decide which one was my favorite, either Yovanni's Big Day or First Place Edition.

The Happy Youngster is a douchebag who makes us all look bad: This post really put us on the map with links from Deadspin and other major blogs. It also inspired this idiot to call us "a blogger who gives drunks a bad name", sold a few t-shirts and was semi-popular on tumblr. Not my favorite, but definitely worth mentioning.

Brewers Flow Charts: I have no idea where this idea came from, but it's definitely one of my favorite of all time.

Witrado's Quest: One of the weirder endeavors we have ever done did a fine job of getting the Witrado hatred out of our system. Not that we like him now just that it doesn't bother us as much anymore.

THE RUNNING SERIES: I loved this if only because Brew Crew Ball to write:

"I'll link to the Ken Macha and Corey Hart chapters here...the other two are a little too obscene to even be linked from this site."

AND

"If you have a vague interest in Brewer baseball, but wish there was less analysis and more profanity on this site, then Miller Park Drunk's RUNNING series might be just the ticket for you." Continue reading →