We are now one month away from Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party 2 and somehow there are still tickets available. I don't know why. It's a great deal and you get to drink with some of the coolest people around (and Tyler.) We're drinking, we're eating, we're playing games and we're giving a ton of stuff away in a raffle. It's going to be a good time. So why aren't we sold out?
Well, I have a theory. You see about a year ago I broke up with my girlfriend and somehow thought writing terrible blog posts would get her back. (It didn't. Thank god.) What I didn't think of at the time was that I sounded like a total pussy and a year later nobody would want to come to my Pants Party because they think I have no balls. Seriously, look at this:
Not trying to get too "inside baseball" here, but the truth is that when you stop being yourself you stop being someone that people like to spend time with. Being "the" Miller Park Drunk all the time was a stupid goal and I've changed in a way where that isn't what I want to do anymore, but that doesn't mean that I want to stop having great times at Brewers games.
(Excuse me I have to stab myself in the eye with a lead based pencil a few times. Be right back.) Continue reading →
The season is just around the corner here and the Milwaukee Brewers are currently one of the favorites in the NL Central, but that doesn't mean it's a sure thing. There are still five other teams that want the title who will be fighting for it all season. Do they have a shot? That's what we're going to find out as we work with fans from other teams to figure out how everything is going to play out and exactly what it is we're dealing with. That's right it's the 2011 NL Central Previews!
It's been awhile, but I couldn't let a Chicago Cubs season preview be written at this god forsaken site without me being a part of it. I know the way that d-bag editor of this site likes to do things, but not on my watch pal!
Before we get to the Chicago Cubs I'd like to talk about myself for a moment. You see, a lot has changed since you last heard from me. For one, I got married. A beautiful girl from Deerfield named Trixie. Yeah, I know, Trixie Trixie crazy right? We met at a bar (where else?) and had this one really awesome night. We did like six or seven Jager bombs and then I drove her home to my place where we got freaky. I lasted like ten minutes, it was awesome. Then I didn't see her for three months and she ends up calling me out of the blue talking about how she wants to get back together and how I was the best lover she ever had and how she wants her kids to look like me and how, oh by the way, she's pregnant. So I was like "oh I like you too" and "are you sure it's mine?" And she's like "of course, you're the only one I've been with" and I was all like "pssh yeah right", but eventually it all worked out and we got married. It was a pretty sweet wedding. Not as good as the bachelor party which was frickin' bonkers, bro. (Four words: triple lapdance in Vegas. INSANE.) The honeymoon was all right, but would have been a lot better if she wasn't all fat and shit. I mean I know it's like my baby in there, but do some situps or something. Jeez.
Yeah so anyways, married with one on the way. Crazy right?
I haven't really had that much time for the Cubs with all this stuff going on. Most of my free time is spent at the titty bar or just drinking with my bros. When I'm home Trixie always wants to watch Dancing With the Stars or American Idol and I'm not really with that. We do watch Jersey Shore together, natch. GTL bro! I've just really been into the Bears and the strike and everything, really. I went to the Bears/Seahawks game in January and me and my bros totally beat this Seahawks fan's ass. It was awesome. But I talked to a couple of my bros about the Cubs and they told me some things, so here's my preview of the Cubbies 2011 season. Continue reading →
Then, for some reason in a greater surprise, Carson Cistulli of Fangraphsdid the same. That was weird, but cool.
Finally, I had Tyler Maas do another guest post today about why you should attend. It was classic Tyler, good too.
Which brings us to now. I've only got a few tickets left and I can't think of anything else to say to convince you to go. We have beer. We have food. We have really cool people to talk to. We have math nerds to pick on. It's going to be a nice day (you hear that God? It's going to be a nice day motherf@*#$r!) and Sundays at Miller Park are the best. It's got a decent price and it's a bobblehead game. That's all there really is to it. I don't know what else to say about it that hasn't already been said.
I'm going to leave this link up for tonight and the rest of the weekend and I sincerely hope you buy a ticket. Not because I want to make money off of this (I'm putting every dime we make right back into the party. More money=more food, beer and prizes), but because I want you to have a good time. This blog has been one of the best things in my life for over a year now (right behind alcohol and hentai porn) and I want to give back to the people who like it. That's it. I want to party with you and if you do we are going to have a good time, even if it kills me (and by me, I mean my liver).
If we sell all our tickets, great. If we sell more than we have, we'll get more and that will also be great. If we don't sell any more, that's fine too. The people who come will have a tailgate to remember. They will love it. If you like this site, you should really consider coming to this event because it's going to rock. If you miss it, you will regret it later. Trust me. I've been wrong about a lot of things on this site (for instance I traded Corey Hart a month ago), but on this one I know that I'm right. We're going to have a lot of fun. Join us.
Can you believe it? Only thirty days until what will arguably be the greatest fringe baseball blog Brewers tailgate party of the year. Are you excited? Have you booked your ticket yet? Well, you should. Why? Here's five more reasons:
Food, glorious food: More on this next week, but you will not believe the spread that we have planned for this event. Beer, glorious beer: Beer tastes really good when you drink it and it's nice out. (Dear God, please let it be nice out.) Drunk people, glorious drunk people: Fact: Drunk people are more likely to put out for complete strangers that they meet at fringe baseball blog Brewers tailgate parties than sober people are. It's true. You can look it up in the dictionary. Playoffs: If the Brewers win every game between now and 8/28 they will clinch the division on 8/29. (Note: math may be fuzzy.) Hot lesbian action: If two girls don't make out at this function we have failed as a society.
Did I mention beer and food?
Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party is 8/29 and will take place at Miller Park. A pre-game (and likely post-game if there is beer left, which there should be) tailgate including beer, tons of food and more is included. It's twenty-five bucks for like a $40 value. Seriously, it's going to be awesome. Don't miss it.
John Locke was a good guy and he had a long track record of being reliable. Then one day he was taken over by a Smoke Monster and became the most evil man alive.
Trevor Hoffman was one of the greatest closers of all time and he had a long track record of reliability. Then one day he started to blow every save opportunity he had and gave up tons of homeruns, thus becoming pure evil.
Just a thought.
(Yeah, yeah I know he pitched a good eighth inning yesterday. It's a trap. I'm not falling for it.)
(Side note: Thank God that stupid show is over and I never have to watch it again. It's crazy how something that was once so great, that used to make me care about stuff could fail so miserably to make me care about anything in its final seasons and episode.)