15
Jan 10

Casual Brewer: Ryan Braun

I like pictures of the Brewers outside of their uniforms. Casual Brewers if you will. Feel free to create a caption.

ryanbrauncasual

Clearly, there is a God. This picture exists.

And since we're here I wanted to tell you this too.

Let's face it folks, Ryan Braun has become a clubhouse problem child.  We all know what he did last year, calling out players all while hot dogging it out on the field and embarassing the franchise in general.

After watching Ryan CHARGE the Dodgers clubhouse last year after a game, I knew it was time to trade this guy.

I'd be happy with getting a 2010 1st round draft pick, and a few mid-level minor league prospect for Braun.

What are the chances of finding a team that is willing to take this malcontent of our hands?

I've had it up to here with his poor attitude and sloppy play.

Oh ESPN Brewers message board, you complete me.

That's all for this week. We really enjoyed telling you about our gay Brewers fantasies. The ensuing comments, not so much. We'll be back Monday with some actual content. Most likely.


29
Dec 09

D10: Ten Brewers I would most like to drink with

drunkdudeLists are for lazy people. Since I am lazy, do top ten lists all the time and only occasionally write about the Brewers I thought I would create a new tag for the site called "Drunk 10". Come on, it's fun. Today we cover the Brewers we'd most like to share a drink with judged on talent, general coolness, drinking ability and likelihood to buy drinks. Apologies in advance to Ryan Braun, I still love you.

10. Rickie Weeks

I am probably biased here, but I have heard from people who have seen him out around Milwaukee that he is a really cool guy. Between growing up and Daytona Beach and all the time he spent on the DL you have to think he has beaten up a pretty good drinking resume.

9. Paul Molitor

Really should be higher based on the sheer amount of talent and things to talk about him with, but this quote from his Wikipedia: "He stopped using drugs in 1981, and has since visited schools to lecture about the dangers of drug use" drops him down. Still, even if the Ignitor sipped on a virgin pina colada while you got hammered it would still be awesome. It's Paul Molitor!

8. Jeff Suppan Continue reading →


22
Dec 09

YOU ARE A SELLOUT MIKE RIVERA AND I HATE YOU

MIKE RIVERA SELLOUTSometimes I wonder why I even watch this god awful sport. The World Series champion New York Yankees, the richest team in any sport that have a value almost 5x that of the Milwaukee Brewers, have stolen another one from the poor, stupid teams like us. Mike Rivera has signed with the New York Yankees and I think we all know what this one was about. These stupid baseball players, all they care about is money! You know it's not enough to offer a major league job and a nice city to play in, these greedy a-holes want more. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY! Why do I even bother to follow this team? Why do I even write this stupid blog? I mean, it's not like the players care! Nooooooo, they just go to whoever offers them the most money. Mike Rivera doesn't care if I get diagnosed with a life threatening disease and the only thing that can cure me is him re-signing with the Brewers, all he cares about is padding his wallet! NEW YORK NEW YORK! THE CITY THAT NEVER F'N SLEEPS! WHERE MONEY RAINS FROM THE SKY AND YOU CAN TAKE YOUR DRIVER'S TEST IN 400 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES! Man, screw New York. Seriously, New York you can f right off.

It's just sad, you know, that a small market team like the Brewers can't compete dollar for dollar with a team like the Yankees. Kids grow up rooting for their heroes, but as soon as their heroes become free agents they leave the kids behind. (It's just like my parents divorce really.) Whatever. CONGRATULATIONS MIKE RIVERA I hope you are happy to know that you have ruined my Christmas with your evil, greedy ways. The Mike Rivera jersey I got from Santa is now kindling in my fire! Thanks for nothing, JERK!

EDIT: It appears that Mike Rivera was actually non-tendered by the Brewers who didn't want him back and he signed a minor league deal with the Yankees. So, sorry about that Mike. I take it back.


25
Nov 09

Thanksgiving Drunkstravaganza

thanksgivingI love Thanksgiving so, so very much. It combines a few of my favorite pastimes: overeating, drinking heavily, not doing anything, punching family members in the face.  If we could figure out a way to transfer Thanksgiving to the parking lot at Miller Park in mid-August this would be the greatest holiday of all. It still is (why? none of that whiny God shit), but that would make it just that much better like a finger in your asshole during a blowjob. I mean, ummm.... I just... uhh, ummm yeah. So ANYWAYS, Thanksgiving is awesome and I like to consider myself an expert in the holiday. Do I know how to cook turkey and do stuff with the gizard and whatnot? Fuck no. I know how to make this holiday legendary. I know how to turn Thanksgiving into Thanksfuckingyeahgiving. Want to have an awesome holiday? Tired of deciding to go to the movies because you are so bored? Tired of pretending to care about a Cowboys game or using mock outrage that you don't get the NFL Network? Miller Park Drunk is here to guide you through the greatest holiday of them all. Continue reading →


02
Nov 09

The curious case of Jody Gerut

As the Phillies gift wrap a World Series for the Yankees, the time for offseason moves is approaching. The Hot Stove League is one of the best times of the year. Lots to think about, lots to talk about, tons of speculation and none of those pesky losses to agonize over. As the days roll on, I become more and more convinced that my favorite player, Mike Cameron, won't be back. Rumors of him signing with the Cubs swirl and all of the sudden I start to feel like this guy:

“It’s like going into church on Sunday and the priest says, `Everybody go home, Jesus has now sided with the devil,”’ [Packers fan Mark Fields, who was wearing a Favre jersey with "JUDAS" written on the back] said.

(It's okay, buddy. Have some milk and cookies then go take a nap. Everything is going to be all right.)

The consensus seems to be that Mike Cameron will not be back and that the Brewers starting center fielder for 2010 will be none other than Jody Gerut. He's cheaper, he's under team control and he could put up roughly the same numbers. To prepare for this seemingly inevitable move I keep looking at Gerut's stats, his projections, his Wikipedia page and I just can't figure him out. He just doesn't make any sense. He's either going to be a great steal and an amazing asset or one of the biggest busts in team history. I haven't been this confused since my middle school thought the best way to teach kids about sex was by watching Degrassi episodes from the 80s. Not that I was complaining. (Hey Shane, if you think you are responsible enough to handle a kid when you are in middle school maybe you shouldn't eat acid and jump off a bridge a couple years later. Just a thought.)

Let's take a quick look at Jody Gerut's career: Continue reading →