25
Nov 09

Thanksgiving Drunkstravaganza

thanksgivingI love Thanksgiving so, so very much. It combines a few of my favorite pastimes: overeating, drinking heavily, not doing anything, punching family members in the face.  If we could figure out a way to transfer Thanksgiving to the parking lot at Miller Park in mid-August this would be the greatest holiday of all. It still is (why? none of that whiny God shit), but that would make it just that much better like a finger in your asshole during a blowjob. I mean, ummm.... I just... uhh, ummm yeah. So ANYWAYS, Thanksgiving is awesome and I like to consider myself an expert in the holiday. Do I know how to cook turkey and do stuff with the gizard and whatnot? Fuck no. I know how to make this holiday legendary. I know how to turn Thanksgiving into Thanksfuckingyeahgiving. Want to have an awesome holiday? Tired of deciding to go to the movies because you are so bored? Tired of pretending to care about a Cowboys game or using mock outrage that you don't get the NFL Network? Miller Park Drunk is here to guide you through the greatest holiday of them all. Continue reading →


07
Aug 09

Astros? More like Ass-tros, am I right?

stupid cowboyMan, it must suck to be an Astros fan. Right now they are probably like "Oh man this series is huge! We're only 5 out in the Central and after we sweep this series we'll be right back in the thing!" and then high five their buddy and go drink some sarsaparilla. Whatever the hell that is. Then he goes out to his grandma's house because she can't figure out why the antenna on her tee-vee doesn't work.

Oh, who am I kidding? There are no Astros fans. The only people at the game tonight are going to be former Presidents and Mexicans who traveled across the border to see Yovani. And oil men.

I feel pretty good about this series. Beating the best team in the league will do that for you. The Astros are not that good. We are good. Maybe Prince losing his shit was the thing that this team needed to wake up from their slumber. If that's the case I am happy he did it. Even if it doesn't get Anthony Witrado fired.

Speaking of A-Dub, it should be noted that as of this writing 51 people liked my article about him being fired. We've never had over 40 people "like" anything before that. If that doesn't tell you that the guy needs to go, I don't know what does.

Anyways, I'm off for the weekend. Hopefully this rain stops soon and we can start drinking outside like normal people. Twitter. Facebook. You know the drill and Carl Pavano, if you are reading this. We didn't want you anyways. Jerk.

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