02
Aug 12

Six stupid things people need to stop doing right now

I really didn't mean to do two "people are dumb" posts in a single Off Topic Week, but sometimes you just have to. I have a captive audience here and hopefully my words can hope to better mankind. It's the entire point of running a site called Miller Park Drunk really.

I am a writer and as a writer I am a keen observer of the human condition. I am also a borderline alcoholic so I spend a lot of time drinking in public with other people. Thirdly, all my best friends are dumb (except for you, best friend who is reading this.) Because of this unique combination I have a window into humanity that not many other people do. I see people do things on a daily basis. I see things that bother me, things I love, things I hate, but mostly things that annoy the hell out of me. Look, I'm not one of these people who hates everyone and everything. I really want to like people. I want to have a good time and have lots of friends and be happy, but some people just make it so hard to do that. What is the problem guys? Be young. Have fun. Drink Pepsi.

There are many annoying traits in people that I can handle. Stupid laughs, loud gum chewing, bad taste in movies and overuse of cologne are all traits that I dislike, but can accept and remain friends with you. However, if you do any of these following six things? Fix it. Right now. Or we are donezo. Continue reading →


11
Jul 12

Milwaukee Brewers: Up In The Air

By and large Brewers fans have given up on the 2012 season. It's over they say. Sell they say. Rebuild they say. It's hard not to blame the people that say this. The Brewers currently sit at 40-45, eight games out of first place and six games behind the second Wild Card. A run at this point seems impossible, but as I've said before it isn't impossible only improbable. It's not over yet. Things are still very much up in the air.

And there are at least two people who agree with me on this. One of them is Ryan Braun who said that he thinks the Brewers are "right in this thing" and the other is Doug Melvin who will wait until these next nine games over before making any tough decisions. Some people might think that this is shortsighted or that Doug (or maybe even Mark) are thinking with their heart more than their head, but personally I like it. This isn't Katie and Tom's marriage, there is still time to turn this thing around.

Three teams ahead of the Brewers in the Central. They are all in the thick of playoff contention and the Brewers next nine games are against them. The team deserves a chance to prove itself against those teams. If they don't, sell. If they do? Well.... Continue reading →


19
Jun 12

As The Weeks Turns

Rickie Weeks is having a rough season. (Wait, that's not right.)

Rickie Weeks is having a really bad season. (You know what? That doesn't work for me either.)

Rickie Weeks is having the worst f*cking season you could ever f*cking imagine and it really f*cking sucks. (Much better.)

I'm sure it's been very hard for Rickie Weeks because it's not like he's been playing all that differently. A quick glance at his Fangraphs page shows no huge glaring difference (besides his swing percentage, but even that is just a couple points off) and watching the games it doesn't look like he's doing anything different. He just doesn't seem to be getting any hits, ever. It sucks and as a dude who once photoshopped a bunch of Childish Gambino lyrics on pictures of Rickie Weeks it really sucks. I love that dude.

The question of "what to do about Rickie Weeks?" is something that Brewers fans really love to talk about. Some people want him benched or cut or traded or something else just to get him away from the team. It's hard to blame these people because there have been times where it's been easier to look at Snooki's vag pics than it is to watch him play. I get where you're coming from haters, but you are completely wrong on this one because if the Brewers are going to do anything this season it is going to be because of Rickie Weeks. Continue reading →


11
Jun 10

Doug Davis hopes to return in less than 3 weeks, has awesome wife

Doug Davis hasn't had the best start to his Brewers season. He wasn't that good, but he was also extremely unlucky with a 3+ run difference in his ERA and FIP. Then he got hurt when his heart was bleeding and he had to get a transplant from someone who died, but it turned out that man was actually evil and Doug had to fight him for control of his soul. Now, it looks like he'll be back in three weeks or less. The Brewers could probably use him by then and it'll be nice to have him back (if only to complain about).

So Doug will be back soon, but that's not really why I posted this post. I needed an excuse to post these pictures of his hot ass wife that I found. Seriously, she's a babe and the accompanying tweet shows how unfair life can be. My last girlfriend told me she knew she could never truly love me after she saw me eat four brats in five minutes. She was nothing like Chantelle.

Seriously, she can inflate my ERA anytime. Continue reading →


12
May 10

Hey everybody, we’re all getting laid Tuesday May 25th!

Do you like the Brewers?

Do you like getting laid?

Are you single (or will you pretend to be)?

Do you have $40?

Well, have I got the deal for you! Check out what I just found this on the Brewers official website:

For only $40, get a Dew Deck ticket, which includes a pre-game buffet and two drinks per person, plus the opportunity to mix and mingle with Milwaukee-area singles!

    DEW DECK BUFFET MENU FEATURES:
  • Grilled Bratwurst with Sauerkraut
  • Hot Dogs
  • Chicken Breast Sandwiches
  • Hamburgers
  • Lettuce, Tomato, and Pickle Platters
  • Pasta Salad
  • Assorted Cookies
  • Soft drinks
  • Two beers per adult

Would it be wrong to buy all the available tickets and put them on stubhub for 5x face value? The Brewers are basically guaranteeing that you get laid here! $40 makes me feel like I'm practically stealing from them. You can't even get a hooker in Costa Rica for that price.

Look we all know that the key to a woman's heart isn't actually a key, but more like a math equation. That equation? Continue reading →