01
Aug 12

AJ Lee: A GIF Appreciation

My love of pro wrestling is no secret. I went to Wrestlemania last year and I am going again this year. I'm going to Chikara in two weeks. I'm wearing a Colt Cabana t-shirt right now. I've made two awkward appearance on TH's The Wrestling Podcast. It's just my thing. I always have and always will love this stupid deal where people pretend to fight and put oil all over their bodies. I just love it.

Because of this I often find myself falling in love with the girls on the screen. She likes wrestling and she is attractive? Sign me up! Last summer my dad and I went to Chikara in Chicago and after watching Sara Del Rey kick the living shit out of Icarus I could tell he had a bit of a crush going on. Which was weird because I didn't want to have to fight my own dad to the death over her. When I was in high school and starting to figure out that boobs were the best thing in the world, WWE gave me Sable who had enormous fake ones that she had no problem showing me. It was love at first breast. Then they followed her with Trish Stratus who made me fall in love all over again and still does a little bit. Then Stacy Keibler who is hot enough for George Clooney so like really hot. Then Melina whose entrance made me somewhat uncomfortable (in a good way.) Then Maryse who was hot until I found out she was banging The Miz. (Seriously, I'd rather be with someone that had face herpes than someone The Miz touched.) All these girls with many in between have made me continually have crushes/infatuations with the women involved in professional wrestling.

Here's the thing though. They are all pretty girls, but at the same time they are "wrestling pretty." Much like a stripper seems pretty because she is taking her clothes off a lot of these girls seem prettier just because they are on a wrestling show. You guys remember that period where WWE convinced us that Chyna was really hot and she did two Playboys? Yeah, WWE (and plastic surgery) convinced us that THIS was really hot. I used to think Francine was gorgeous and she's really not (see if you can guess why I thought that.) That's what I'm talking about. This isn't a knock on the women at all. They are pretty girls who could probably kick my ass, but if you stand 98% of them next to Alison Brie or Anne Hathaway they look homely. A pretty girl in something you like looks 1000% prettier than if she was in something you didn't like. Look at Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica. Pretty? Yes. omg da prettiest girl ever? No, but don't tell that to some Battlestar fanboys. It's just the way it is. Why do you think I hook up with so many ugly girls in Rickie Weeks jerseys? Our mind plays tricks on us sometimes.

AJ changed all of that because AJ is not only the prettiest girl to ever grace a wrestling ring. Continue reading →


05
Apr 12

Miller Park Drunk’s Milwaukee Brewers Season Preview Hashtag Opening Day

Opening Day is here.

I guess this means it's time for me to stop being a baby and get over the way last season ended. This would be easy if it wasn't for the ___ ____Cardinals winning the ___ ____ World _______ Series and then (and then!) watching them open the season by winning without one of the greatest hitters (and __holes of all time) or their ___hole manager. The Cardinals are in first place right now and that is honestly the last thing I want to hear right now. I'd even rank it ahead of "I'm pregnant" and "Your herpes seemed to have evolved into some sort of super herpes." The Cardinals winning last night was a bigger downer than Daniel Bryan losing in 18 seconds, but....

It's a new season. A new day. Yesterday doesn't matter. Last season is nothing, but a page in the history books because the only thing that matters now is now because we can't change the past. Marty and Doc can't go back in time and make Shaun Marcum go on the DL before game 6. The only thing we can do in this life is move on from our past mistakes and do the very best we can in our present and future. That's why I stopped drinking vodka-Red Bulls. Yesterday is gone, the future is now and guess what? The Brewers are going to be pretty freakin' awesome this year. Our future is looking bright. So bright I gotta wear shades. Continue reading →


08
Feb 12

If Ryan Braun is guilty…

And still, we wait.

I don't know about anyone else, but I am having trouble living my day to day life without worrying about the fate of Ryan Braun. I have a kid and a job and tons of friends (okay, two) and like life responsibilities, but the potential suspension of a baseball player is dominating my thoughts and crushing my dreams. Most nights I just put a "Free Ryan" tshirt on my Japanese pillow Kimiko and cry myself to sleep. It's rough because seriously, what if Ryan Braun is guilty? What if he is really gone for 50 games? What is going to happen? What are we going to do?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to... Continue reading →


01
Sep 10

5 Reasons NOT to hate Manny Parra

Disappointing.

Stupid.

Just doesn't get it.

A complete and total letdown.

What do these words in common? They aren't words that my parents used to describe me. Those involve much more f-words. No, they are all words and phrases people have used to describe Manny Parra. Last week Manny Parra was removed from the starting rotation and the talk about him, his potential and his future place in Milwaukee reached it's zenith.

Manny Parra is one of the most divisive figures in the Milwaukee Brewers organization and everyone has their own opinion on him. We once said that Manny Parra was the one and only job that Rick Peterson had when he joined this organization. (Fire Rick Peterson!) Whether we like it or not as Brewers fans Manny Parra is deep in our DNA, like herpes.

The thing is and always has been that Manny Parra does have talent, a lot of it. Maybe more than any starter that hasn't been robbed a gunpoint. Everyone knows this. We're at the point now where talking about Manny Parra is bordering on obsession. I spend more time on the internet reading and writing about Manny Parra than I do googling pictures of Christina Hendricks. That's just not right.

Anyways, as with any post about Manny Parra we need to get the required "Manny is actually kinda good" stuff out of the way first. I'm going to let other blogs do the heavy lifting on this one.

From BrewCrewBall:

The Brewers started the 2010 season with Parra in the bullpen. He was moved to the rotation and has started 13 games. He's responded with the best strikeout rate of his career (over 9 per 9) and has dropped his walk rate back down to about 4.3 per 9. His FIP is at 4.6, with a bad rate on home runs: his expected FIP is right at 4. The BABIP is right back up in the .360s, however, and his rates of line drives, fly balls, and ground balls are similar to last year's, and they're pretty much fine. And his ERA is 5.6.

If you're skeptical of FIP and tERA makes more sense to you, look at it this way: in the past three years, Parra's expected ERA based on his amount of line drives, fly balls, groundballs, strikeouts, and walks allowed, have been: 4.67, 4.78, and 4.67 again this year.

Something very strange is going on with Manny Parra. If someone can give me a justifiable reason why Parra is carrying the one of the highest BABIPs in history, I'm willing to listen.

So, Manny Parra is the same pitcher he's always been despite performing noticeably worse the last two years, but that's mostly because he gives up a lot of hits and homeruns. He's just run into some bad luck or something else, something presumably far more sinister. He's not this bad and this should even itself out at some point.  Maybe.

Got it.

Now for Disciples of Uecker:

The problem for Parra is the 6th inning. Parra has made it to the 6th inning in 16 games (including, I believe, one relief appearance). He has recorded 29 outs in these 16 games, allowing 18 earned runs, 25 hits, and 16 walks while striking out 15. I think it’s fair to say that Manny has “lost it” in the sixth inning on multiple (almost every?) occasion in which he’s had the chance.

The previous five innings are pretty good. 79 innings pitched, 40 ER (4.56 ERA), 81 Ks, 36 BBs. The only black spot is 13 HRs, and that’s a number that will likely regress, as Parra’s HR/FB rate is a career high this season. I’m hard pressed to explain why Parra struggles so mightily in the sixth inning. This isn’t an isolated issue for 2010, either – he has a 9.20 ERA in the sixth inning for his career.

So Manny Parra is an average to above average pitcher before the fifth inning then the wheels come off and he totally sucks. Got it.

See? Some times advanced statistics can prove exactly what we thought about people all along. Manny Parra is an underachiever who hasn't improved during his time with the team who gives up too many hits and homeruns despite being really good at striking people out. Also, he sucks after the fifth inning. I wonder if there's an advanced statistic that proves how easy your mom is.

It's hard not to hate him for this. He's talented, he's not working to get better and he's kind of good looking. He's everything I hate! It's like looking in a mirror! A mirror of self hate! He ruined my life!

Still, maybe we shouldn't hate him. I mean, he might figure it out one day and then it would be all weird between us. We should try not to hate him. We don't have to like him, but we should at least try and get along. Like I did with my mom and my new stepdad. Actually, that's a bad example. I still hate that asshole.

Anyway, here's five reasons not to have Manny Parra. Continue reading →

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