Tag Archives: hes

Gender roles in modern society (the one where we talk about banging a Brewer)

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I have a question for the male readers of the site. Have you ever been pondering the offseason moves of the Brewers and thought to yourself "I am glad they re-signed Craig Counsell, he's kinda hot"? I mean, everyone has had that conversation with a friend that starts like "I know you're not gay, but..." and you immediately yell out "DONNIE FROM NEW KIDS!", right? And then after having that conversation you continue on to "Okay I know you are totally straight and stuff, but which Brewers player would you have sex with if you had to?" No? You've never had that conversation with one of your buddies? Not even once? Really? Well, I guess I'll just have to tell you about it then because Tyler and I have had that conversation many, many times and we'd like to share one with you. Why? Because we are so totally okay with our sexuality that we don't care who reads it! We don't care if the guys we are writing about making sweet love to us read it, we want them to! So, like, forward this to them. Please.

Vince: Hey Tyler, I've got a question for you that's been bothering me for awhile and I want your opinion on it. If you had to have sex with a member of the Milwaukee Brewers, who would it be? Continue reading »

D10: Ten Brewers I would most like to drink with

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drunkdudeLists are for lazy people. Since I am lazy, do top ten lists all the time and only occasionally write about the Brewers I thought I would create a new tag for the site called "Drunk 10". Come on, it's fun. Today we cover the Brewers we'd most like to share a drink with judged on talent, general coolness, drinking ability and likelihood to buy drinks. Apologies in advance to Ryan Braun, I still love you.

10. Rickie Weeks

I am probably biased here, but I have heard from people who have seen him out around Milwaukee that he is a really cool guy. Between growing up and Daytona Beach and all the time he spent on the DL you have to think he has beaten up a pretty good drinking resume.

9. Paul Molitor

Really should be higher based on the sheer amount of talent and things to talk about him with, but this quote from his Wikipedia: "He stopped using drugs in 1981, and has since visited schools to lecture about the dangers of drug use" drops him down. Still, even if the Ignitor sipped on a virgin pina colada while you got hammered it would still be awesome. It's Paul Molitor!

8. Jeff Suppan Continue reading »

Where are you running, Prince Fielder?

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I am nothing if not a people pleaser so when a commenter requested that we do a story about the Brewers being more open to running next year and "what the Brewers are running from?" I had to oblige and present you THE RUNNING SERIES.

princefielder2

To goddamn Toys R Us where else. My stupid wife thinks we have to have the "best Christmas ever" this year while our kids are still young. Does that mean spending a lot of time together? No. Going Christmas Caroling? No. (Don't laugh, I do a mean "fah la la la" part in "Deck the Halls".) Watching classic movies together? No. Going to see lights? No. According to my wife the "best Christmas ever" involves me spending thousands of dollars on gifts for the kids. Is this really Christmas? Spoiling your kids so bad that they open one present and just move on to opening the next without taking time to appreciate the first gift? I say no, but it's not like anyone hears what I have to say in this family anyways. (Which doesn't even make any sense. How many Home Run Derbies has Chanel won? How many single season Brewers records does she own? Yeah, that's what I thought. Marriage sucks.)

You know, when I was a kid there was only one thing I ever wanted for Christmas: my dad's love. Did I ever get it? Hell no, but do you see me complaining? Continue reading »

What are you running for, Corey Hart?

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I am nothing if not a people pleaser so when a commenter requested that we do a story about the Brewers being more open to running next year and "what the Brewers are running from?" I had to oblige and present you THE RUNNING SERIES.

Phillies Brewers Baseball

Hi, I'm Corey Hart of the Milwaukee Brewers and I want to be your next county commissioner. Are you tired of those potholes on route 11? Are you sick of the graffiti on traffic signs? Can you tell me a good reason we can't turn left on Sage when coming from Swallowtail Drive? Are you, like me, fed up with my opponents lies and rhetoric when it comes to the well being of our beloved county? If you're not you should be and that's why I need good people like you to come support me in this crucial election to decide our county's future. Let's look at the facts. Continue reading »

Brewers sign best available free agent

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randywolf2Let's call it like it is, the Brewers needed a starting pitcher. Randy Wolf was arguably the best pitcher available. They got him. What the hell is everone whining about? Yes, it's too much money but free agents always get too much money. Alcides Escobar will be one of the most valuable players on the Brewers this season and he will make the league minimum. Jeff Suppan will be one of the worst and he'll be the highest paid. Randy Wolf is overpaid for his performance and Alcides Escobar and Ryan Braun are underpaid for theirs. That's how it works. It's stupid, but that's how it works. So, it's not too much money because it already is too much money. (That makes sense, right?)

Is it too many years? Not really. Continue reading »