11
May 11

EXCLUSIVE: Pathetic loser’s demands for Fielder’s 200th homerun ball

In exciting Brewers news Prince Fielder hit his 200th career homerun today in a terrible loss against the Padres. The milestone homerun should be the first of many for Prince Fielder this season. He will tie Cecil Cooper for 4th on the Brewers all time list and should make it all the way to number two by the time the season ends.

As if the loss wasn't bad enough, the historic homerun lost some more of it's luster when it was caught by Milwaukee's resident ballhawk, The Happy Youngster (real name Nick Yohanek). The child impersonator is well known among the ballhawk community and gained national scorn when he produced a list of demands for then Florida Marlins' rookie Chris Coghlan on his first career homerun ball. The Marlins' star eventually got his ball, but admitted that Yohanek was a real douchebag about it.

"He wasn't the most polite or respectful guy about the whole process," Coghlan said Thursday. "He told me he goes around a lot and catches these balls and holds them for ransom — even though he doesn't say that he does, it seems that way."

While Yohanek identifies himself as a Brewer fan (despite most Brewer fans wishing he wouldn't) he is not above holding a Milwaukee Brewer for a similar ransom. It is just what he does and Prince Fielder is no exception. The Youngster has submitted his list of demands to the Brewers and thanks to some well placed connections within the Milwaukee Brewers organization we have obtained a copy of those demands. You won't find this anywhere else. This is a 100% Miller Park Drunk exclusive. Find the shocking list of demands after the jump. Continue reading →


02
May 11

Milwaukee Brewers terrorist watch list

WE DID IT!!!! WE KILLED OSAMA BIN LADEN!!!!

I mean, it's more like Osama Bin DYING now am I right?

HAHA WOOOO! USA! USA! USA!

TERRORISTS SHOULD KNOW THAT WE WILL FIND YOU AND TAKE YOU DOWN! YEAH!!!! USA! USA! USA!

Unfortunately, the end of Osama Bin Laden is not the end of terrorism. I wish it were that simple, but it's not. There are still many threats facing our nation and there will always be more threats facing our nation after those ones are gone. There's not much we can do about it, it's just the way it is. We will continue to fight and hunt them down because that's what we do.

Terrorists are not only abroad, but some of them exist right here in our country. Right here in Wisconsin. Some of them are so close to you that you don't even know it. Some of them... ARE IN MILLER PARK! We need to make the extinction of these terrorists a top priority. I mean, they don't  blow up buildings or kill people, but they do something almost as bad: they ruin our enjoyment of baseball games. Outside of the terrorists who actually kill people these people are the greatest threat facing our nation today and something must be done to stop them. Continue reading →


08
Oct 09

Sue this post

ryanhowardRemember that one time the Happy Youngster tried to extrort Chris Coghlan for the ball and I called him a douchebag? Well, somehow a 12-year old girl in Florida has made herself look much worse than HY could ever dream of. The story goes:

A 12 year-old girl caught Ryan Howard's 200th home run ball back in July. Afterwards, she was escorted to the Phillies clubhouse and exchanged it for an autographed ball.  This being America, she sued (or, I should say, her parents sued) in order to get the ball back.  Two days after the suit was filed, the Phillies gave her the ball back.

Actually I take that back, the 12-year old girl didn't do shit. It's her douchebag mother that has made the Happy Youngster look like an okay guy. You see 12-year old's are stupid. I wouldn't trust a 12-year old to walk my dog. You know when you hear about pedophiles going after young girls? They always skip 12-year olds because 12-year olds are too stupid to even get molested properly. If you went up to her and offered to trade her a $5 footlong for the ball she would have done it. She's 12, she's an idiot so I don't blame her. I blame her dumbass mother. Continue reading →

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