Who doesn't like a good pun? More importantly, who doesn't love a bad pun?
Baseball can be kind of a boring game in between all the really exciting things that happen. There is a lot of time for conversation and with conversation comes jokes. Good jokes, dirty jokes and most of all bad jokes will be strewn across Miller Park this year more than Miller Lites. You will hear a lot of jokes at the park this year, but almost none of them will be good. You have to learn to expect them so that you aren't caught off guard by them. You need to be prepared for the polite laugh you are sure to give the co-worker you don't really like that much or the lonely uncle who offered to buy your ticket. Luckily for you, we have the inside track on the hottest bad jokes for 2011. We can see them coming before the bad joke teller can and we're going to share them with you right here. Preparation is the key to success. Or something. Read the rest of this entry »
I don't give a crap what happens in today's Milwaukee Brewers game. I really, really don't. After last night's 15-1 loss that saw me:
Drink warm beer on the drive up.
Sweat more than I ever have in my entire life during the first two innings. Seriously, with the roof and panels closed Miller Park turns into the world's largest sauna.
Get flaked out on by a date (shut up, female commenters).
Not even enjoy a Rickie Weeks homerun.
Leave early. (!)
It wasn't the best day for me and after all of that, I don't really feel like watching or caring today. The playoff chances that me and like two other people were holding onto are now gone. The Milwaukee Brewers will not make the playoffs. The Milwaukee Brewers will be lucky to finish around .500. This isn't that bad of a thing. [I don't actually believe this one bit. It is the frickin' worst thing. - Editor] I guess we should have seen this coming after Trevor Hoffman blew all those saves and we had that one losing streak, right? We dug a big, early hole that was going to be near impossible to dig our way out of. We weren't able to do the impossible and now we will not make the playoffs. It happens, we'll try again next year (which I am totally pumped for by the way). This season is over.
This doesn't mean that I am going to quit this site or even write less. Hell, I'll probably write more now that this weight of contention is off of my shoulders. This worrying about the outcomes of every single game. I can just enjoy the games and the Miller Park experience. I can go into a few games during the third inning and not feel like I am missing anything. As a matter of fact, I think I will do that for all future Chris Narveson starts. I really wanted this season to work out, but it didn't. I can deal with this.
Now I'll be right back to talk about Corey Hart. I just need a minute to process. I'm just going to watch this music video a few times and reflect on my entire life.
It pours. Man, it pours.
Okay, aaannnnndddd I'm good. I'm back. I never wanted them to do good this season anyways. [Again, a total lie. I wanted them to do good so bad. -Editor]
At some point during yesterday's loss I realized that this may be one of the last times I see Corey Hart in person as a member of the Milwaukee Brewers. I've gotten a lot of mileage out of Corey Hart jokes on this site and I've complained about him quite a bit in the past too. What can I say? It was the cool thing to do. Still, I am really going to miss the guy and not just for the jokes. [This is sort of a lie. I will really miss the jokes. -Editor] The truth is that I've always liked Corey Hart, but he's just always seemed to let me down. I wanted him to be good, like he is now, for so long that he just ended up letting me down so many times that I lashed out. Its like when my son tells me he doesn't want to watch Wall-E. I mean, Why wouldn't you want to watch Wall-E? It's a tale of true robot love and a little robot could that shows more emotion than your stupid Veggietales could ever dream of and you don't want to watch it? What the hell is wrong with you, little kid? Its stupid and irrational for me to get this upset about it, but that's how I've always thought. Why can't you be better, Corey? And then, of course, it happened and I was too stupid to realize it. Read the rest of this entry »
Hey, look at that it's our 300th post! Kind of funny that we have no real content for it except to say that the incomparable Tyler Maas and I took some time off from our procrastinating busy schedules to talk about the Brewers offseason and make a few rape jokes for the Onion AV Club. It's much better than the last time we chatted online and I only make one reference to Rookie of the Year. You have to love the super catchy title, "What should the Brewers do in the off-season?" I guess my title "JJ Hardy won't be screwing my girlfriend anymore" wasn't up to the Onion's standards. Oh well, live and learn.
I like to read hastily put together lists that make people angry. Just today I read a list of the best 10 TV shows of the decade that somehow included Modern Family despite it only having aired like six episodes. What a joke, right? Always in search of links and angry comments I decided today would be a good day to put together my own hastily top ten list. Enjoy. Read the rest of this entry »
You probably don't come to a site called Miller Park Drunk to read about the Bucks. We don't really care, it's our blog we'll write what we want. Don't believe me? Tomorrow we're talking about the Admirals. Seriously.
Brandon Jennings is the most important athlete in Wisconsin not named Rodgers, Fielder or Braun.
There, I said it. It's out there and I can't take it back. After watching the Bucks take on the Chicago Bulls last night, I feel this stronger than anything I've felt since I said that The Happy Youngster was a douchebag. I've made my fair share of Bucks jokes in the past and I've even made fun of Brandon Jennings before, but I had no idea he was this good. I had no idea that he'd be, within three games, the best point guard the Bucks have had since Sam Cassell flew away on his spaceship.
Looking back maybe we should have know. I mean, look at his Wikipedia:
In his senior year of high school, Jennings averaged 32.7 points, 7.5 assists, 5.1 rebounds and 3.7 steals per game and set the school record for points in a season. This performance earned him some of high school basketball’s most prestigious awards: the 2008 Naismith High School Basketball Player of the Year, 2007-08 Gatorade Player of the Year (Virginia), 2008 Parade Magazine Player of the Year and 2008 EA Sports Player of the Year.
I mean, they don't just hand out the awards for "Best High School Basketball Player in the Country" to just anybody. Kenny Anderson (more on him later), Jason Kidd, Kobe Bryant, Lebron James, Dwight Howard and Kevin Love are a few past winners of the Naismith Award. It's not like this guy just came out of nowhere. Then again as a guy drafted #10 overall in a draft that Bill Simmons called "the worst draft class since the infamous Kenyon Martin Draft in 2000" by a team whose recent draft history includes Joe Alexander and Yi Jianlian (not necessarily saying Yi is a bust, I just like typing his name) he wasn't quite a "sure thing" either. Put it this way, Brandon Jennings didn't even show up for the 2009 NBA Draft because his agent wasn't sure if he'd get picked in the first round (leading to him showing up in the middle of the draft to get his picture taken with Stern.) He hardly played in Europe and everyone forgot about him. One day, this will be considered one of the greatest things that ever happened to both the Bucks and Brandon Jennings. Here's the others: Read the rest of this entry »