07
Sep 12

TRL Friday 2: Beer, Playoffs, 2013 payroll and more

So the other day I tell someone my name. I say "Hey, my name is Vince" and they get all excited and say "Whaaat!? VINCE!? You must be Italian!" Umm, no I'm not actually. "HUH!?" they say, "How would you ever get the name Vince if you weren't Italian?" Because that's what my parents named me when I was born?

The thing is that this isn't the first time this has happened to me. It happens all the time. Like several times per year. I wonder if this ever happens to Vince Carter. Or Vincent Jackson. Or Vince McMahon. I bet Vince McMahon would murder someone for saying something like that.

So, why do people think that Italians own the name Vince? When I was looking in a baby name book I didn't see an asterisk next to the name Vince and big bold letters that said ITALIANS ONLY. Was there supposed to be? Am I breaking some sort of name code? Am I going to get whacked?

Anyways, we better get this TRL Friday over with before the mob comes for me so let's get to the questions. Continue reading →


18
Jan 11

This Week in Witardo: Goodbye

I have a lot of friends who have graduated college and are now on the job market. It's not easy finding a job in today's world, but they are looking and they are doing whatever it takes to get the job. Many of them go so far as to delete their facebook or simply change their names on facebook so as not to be found by potential employers searching the internet. That is part of the job process now. You want to get hired? Prepare to be Googled. Any bad thing you wrote on myspace four years ago, any bad picture you've posted, any racist comment you left on a message board or any sex video you've accidentally sent someone will be found by these people and they won't hire you. If you want a job you need to keep your Google search clean. Don't do anything stupid. Don't piss anyone off. Don't show anything.

(And that's why I only make seven dollars an hour shoveling snow at the graveyard.)

Anthony Witrado is leaving the Journal Sentinel. The worst writer many of us have ever seen (and possibly the worst beat writer at any daily newspaper in the country) has been hired by The Sporting News. For those of you who don't follow these things AOL Fanhouse has folded into The Sporting News who will now be providing all their online content. Which means that bloggers like Bethlehem Shoals of FreeDarko fame will soon be out of work and hacks like Witrado will take his place. I see that working out really well. We've wanted Witrado fired for a long time, but for him to leave for what we're presuming is a better job leaves a bad taste in our mouth. It's like if Jeff Suppan left and won the Cy Young for the Cardinals then took them to the World Series where he was named MVP. It's just not right. These people deserve to fail. They wasted our time with their crappy performances and they need to get what is coming to them. I didn't just want Anthony Witrado to not write for my daily anymore, I don't want him to write anything.

The story on the street is that Garry Howard, former JS Editor, is now the editor at The Sporting News and he is responsible for the Witrado hire. As Al from Al's Ramblings said to me about the hire "it's not what you know, but who you know" and I don't think that has eever fit a situation better. Far be it from me to understand how someone could read that guy's work for however many years (or even see the way he dresses at work) and think he'd do a good job, but that's what happened. I can understand that some people have terrible taste in sports writing, but what I don't understand is how someone could hire Anthony Witrado without Googling him. I mean, seriously, Jeffrey Dahmer has better search results and he murdered 17 people. Continue reading →


01
Mar 10

This Week in Witardo: Prince Fielder is a pussy

Because I am insanely jealous that Anthony Witrado has a job working for the Journal Sentinel and I don't, I am going to make fun of him on a regular basis FJM style. It really has nothing to do with his writing I am just a bitter wannabe. Well maybe it has a little bit to do with his writing.

Okay, it's completely due to his writing. Today's story: Fielder uses fear as his fuel

Phoenix — Looking at him, it's far from obvious.

That he's a pussy.

His imposing stature, the tattoos, the snarling looks, the regal name. All those things just act as his mask.

His mask to hide the fact that he is a wuss.

But the fear is immune to those elements and nestles comfortably inside Prince Fielder, ignoring any resistance from his outward machismo and bravado.

Much like a gay man still in the closet.

His psyche is a breeding ground for that fear. It is a constant within the man.

Like his heartbeat, only wussier.

The fear consumes every aspect of his life, and has so from childhood.

That movie Child's Play? Totally freaked him out. Continue reading →


28
Oct 09

2009 Milwaukee Brewers team awards

weirdotrophyIn case you didn't hear the Brewers recently announced their team awards and the results weren't that surprising. From the JSONLINE:

First baseman Prince Fielder and right-hander Yovani Gallardo were named the Milwaukee Brewers' most valuable player and most valuable pitcher, respectively, for 2009 in balloting conducted by the Milwaukee chapter of the Baseball Writers Association of America.

Other award winners were closer Trevor Hoffman as top newcomer, reliever Todd Coffey as unsung hero and veteran infielder Craig Counsell as recipient of the "Good Guy" award.

(Quick tangent: The Milwaukee chapter of the BBWAA? We have ONE daily newspaper here, how many people can be in it? Seriously, is this just Tony W, Tom H and Mike Hunt voting? Is this a joke? I mean, it's not like they allow broadcasters in here and Uecker got a vote. Who are the people voting on this? I can't find one of them on the BBWAA Wikipedia page. It has to just be the guys at the Journal Sentinel, there is nobody else. So why not just say that?)

Anyways, since this is America and it's full of PC crap where everyone gets a trophy and little league games end in a tie these weren't the only awards handed out. In fact, everyone gets an award! Why let anyone feel left out? These are millionaire baseball players that get tons of adulation and hook up with different women every night, we don't want to hurt their feelings! We need to coddle them and what better way to coddle them than by awarding them for things? Seriously, I want an answer.

Luckily, I have sources and they were able to get me the complete list of Brewers awards handed out to the players and I now present them here for you. Continue reading →


19
Oct 09

Witrado’s Quest 3

The slow news days have begun and due to MLB rules there is only a playoff game once every six days. What do we do? Inspired by our favorite site The Dugout, we've decided to follow our favorite JSOnline writer Anthony Witrado on a quest. A quest to find love, adulation and respect in a cruel world that doesn't understand him or particularly like him. Will he find what he's been seeking? Or will he fail at it, like he's failed at life so many times before? Find out in Witrado's Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event.

In part one Anthony learned that his fellow writers at the Journal Sentinel were not fans of his. In part two convinced that they were the only ones, Anthony set off to find someone who liked him at Miller Park only to be met with more failure and a cross-dressing Doug Melvin. Blaming the state of Wisconsin instead of his own shortcomings, Anthony headed back to his home in California where his favorite team was playing a meaningful game. Continue reading →

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