21
Apr 10

BEAT THOSE PIRATES

Man, if there is one thing I hate it's those stupid, smelly Pirates! They are the pits! They think they are so cool with their black and yellow jerseys and their winning record and their Indian minor league pitchers. They think their better than us, that's what they think! Hey Pittsburgh, ketchup sucks! Yeah, that's right I said ketchup sucks! Stadium sauce drinks ketchup's milkshake punks! And racing pierogis? HOW ORIGINAL! Seriously though, what the hell is a pierogi? A boiled or baked dumpling of unleavened dough stuffed with varying ingredients? STUPID! That doesn't even sound good! Sausages bang pierogi's girlfriends and never call her again!

Check out this stupid blog I found called "Where Have You Gone Andy Van Slyke?" (he's probably gone to the same place every old Pirate goes, straight to HELL.)

You have probably noticed over the past couple days that I'm not exactly over the moon about the Pirates' play to this point in the season, 7-5 record or not. What would make me extremely happy, however, is a couple wins against the Brewers this week. I know Brewers' fans think it's funny that we Pirate fans get all worked up over these two teams, but I really, really don't like Ryan Braun or Prince Fielder or their stupid untucked shirts and frankly, everyone needs a little bit of a rivalry to get through the season.

"Waaa the Brewers beat us when they play us just like every other team, but they have Ryan Braun and Prince Fielder who have more talent than any single player we've had since Barry Bonds, waaa! Let's romanticize a player who had like five good seasons for us, his joy for the game was infectious! Waaa!" Why don't you guys pull the tampon out of your diaper and shut the hell up? Maybe if your pitching coach Dave Kerwin could teach your guys how to pitch you wouldn't give up eight runs to us. Way to "play up" to your rival, losers.

Pirates? Pssh, more like butt Pirates am I right? EAT IT SUCKERS!


08
Sep 09

Please shut up about Prince’s walk off celebration

This season the Brewers have been surrounded by controversy. Whether it was the Cardinals hating their untucking, the Pirates hating Ryan Braun, Bob Brenly hating Ryan Braun, Jason Kendall and Dave Kerwin, The Happy Douchebag against the Marlins or whatever other ridiculous controversy we've seen this season, it's always been something. There's always something going on. Well, this latest one is the last straw. The latest one stems from Prince Fielder's AWESOME walk off home run celebration. I wrote a few weeks ago that some of our favorite moments this season hadn't even happened yet. Well, guess what? This was one of them. Let's watch it again.

Watching it again I see nothing but pure joy. This has been a hard season for the team and for the fans. This was a moment to be happy, a moment to think of better times. The Brewers weren't rubbing it in the Giants faces, they were celebrating their own accomplishment and they did it in a cool way. What's wrong with that? A lot apparently.

"I did laugh. I did think it was funny. It was very creative," Hunter said. "But it's a little strong for baseball, because you could have a 90-mph fastball coming at you the next day. You've got to have toughness and heart to do that. It's not for me. If someone did that against us and we played them again, trust me, he'd get crushed, and we'd try to fight him."

Really Torii Hunter? You're going to fight someone over that? You're going to fight PRINCE FIELDER of all people? Are you that guy who freaks out at me for bumping into him? Or are you just talking? Maybe you're just talking. Afterall, he just saw this on TV. Surely, the Giants couldn't be that upset about this.

Pitching coach Dave Righetti stared so hard at Fielder as he gave a post-game interview I kept waiting for Prince's head to explode.

Well, I guess that's to be expected. I know that whenever I am mad I stare at someone intensely for ten minutes. Surely, the Brewers own manager "gets it". Right Ken?

"I was shocked, standing there"

Oh, I guess not. Is there somebody out there that can look at this thing reasonably? Anybody? How about you weird old man?

"I'm as old school as anybody but there's nothing wrong with that," said reliever David Weathers. "You've got to have some fun. I've seen a lot worse things go on than that.

"We're just trying to have some fun. It's not disrespect for the other team. It's not about them. It's about us."

I'm just going to skip over the 200 other columnists who complained about this too because what Weathers says is right. It's FUN. They want to enjoy their jobs. They want to savor their victories and really, what's wrong with that? It's not about the Giants and it's stupid for them to think that it is. This is about a silver lining on a crappy season. So can we please stop being mock offended every time the Brewers do something interesting? It's getting old. Prince's celebration needs to be what it's meant to be, a lasting image and memory for Brewers fans. Seriously, make this a shirt already.

prince fielder


21
Jul 09

Who is Dave Kerwin? Miller Park Drunk investigates

kendallCurious story out of Pittsburgh yesterday. When Jason Kendall was interviewed post game he called Pirates pitching coach Joe Kerrigan by a different name.

"It was fine until Dave Kerwin," Kendall said, referring to Kerrigan. Kendall continued to call Kerrigan by that incorrect name -- seemingly on purpose -- even after being promptly corrected.

"I can take a lot, but I'm not going to get yelled at," he continued. "Dave Kerwin started yelling at me...."

When asked what he thought made Kerrigan so mad, Kendall responded: "I don't know. Dave Kerwin? I have no idea."

Now, it's clear to me that he is talking about Joe Kerrigan but in an attempt to undermine him is calling him by a different name. People do this all the time. Sometimes when I am mad at my friend Emily I call her "Smemily". If I am upset with my friend Jeff I call him "Jeffrey". Whenever my ex makes me mad I call her something that rhymes with "pilthy chucking door". This makes sense. What doesn't make sense is the name Jason Kendall chose. Continue reading →

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