05
Aug 10

MPD Field Trip: The conversations at a baseball game suck

When you go to a baseball game the odds are you are going to have a conversation and unfortunately, due to the nature of baseball and it's natural boring-exciting-boring flow, the conversation will not always be about the game on the field. Sometimes you will talk about the team and the GM and whether or not the manager should be fired. Sometimes you will talk about your relationships and your kids and the future. Sometimes you will talk bad about your friends who aren't there because you know it's really fun to do. You will talk about many things and just so you know if you are sitting in the vicinity of me I will eavesdrop on you. Part of this is because I like to try to enjoy the game and will be silent at certain points, believe it or not often times your conversations will come at times when you should probably be paying attention, and part of this is because I am a keen observer of the human condition. I'm a writer, you know. (*dismissive wank*)

When I went to Wrigley Field for two of the Brewers games there this week I ended up doing this quite a bit. I found out, to my extreme delight, that my lady friend shares the same hobby and will laugh at the stupid things that people say. (And then get entirely too angry about the stupid things that people say.) For instance, there is this Miller Lite sign in right field on one of the rooftops. Last season it read "We prefer a pennant race to a sausage race" and now that the Cubs are terrible again it reads "The brat stops here." I, of course, complained about this. It doesn't make any sense. I mean, the Brewers play at Miller Park. MillerCoors shouldn't be making fun of a team that they sponsor a stadium for. Do they think that Brewers fans are never going to see it? Why can't they make fun of the Cardinals? It's a joke. Anyways, at the game there are these doucheholes sitting behind us who are just saying stupid thing after stupid thing. We laugh at them, then we laugh again and then we think about leaving early just to get away from them. It's just too much, these guys are world class douchebags. Then one of them, to my horror, notices the same sign and starts to say many of the same thing as I did. It's weird how my own thoughts are echoed through this idiot's mouth and I start to think way too much about it. Am I this big of a douche too? Does she just figure that out? Am I getting left here? I didn't even get to do the weird stuff! And just as I'm about to begin defending myself in a desperate attempt to save myself, they do it for me.

"It's weird, you know, because the Brewers are owned by Miller. That's why they're called the Brewers because Miller owns them."
"I don't give a fuck about the Brewers, dog."

And they're called the Cubs because Wrigley chewing gum owns them. Of course. Continue reading →


13
May 10

I love the 70s

Nobody ever likes the decade they grew up in. People who grew up in the 90s think the 80s were cool. (This one might actually be true. The 90s had AIDs and nobody was putting out after AIDs came along. Thanks a lot, Magic Johnson.) People who grew up in the 70s think the 60s were cool. Actually, everyone seems to think growing up in the 60s was cool. Why? I have no idea. Oh, let's do a bunch of acid and listen to shitty music. Let's rebel against the system by smoking pot and getting tear gassed. Let's wear stupid looking clothes and have all our friends die in Vietnam. Yeah, the 60s were real awesome. Me? If I could do it all over again, I'd totally want to grow up in the seventies. Think about it.

Porn theaters? Check.
Quaaludes? Check.
Sideburns? Check.
Afros? Check.
ABBA? Check.

Schlitz sold at County Stadium? Check.
18 years old to drink with nobody really checking? Check.
Bars open til 5 or 6 in the morning? Check.

(The best case scenario would be to be born in the early 60s with two older brothers. That way you hit your teens right towards the mid 70s and your brothers are a couple of drugged out hippies. I bet your parents would let you get away with anything as long as you weren't sitting in your room eating acid and trying to explain to them that Jerry Garcia changed your life while wearing a tie dyed shirt and a pair of bell bottoms.)

The 70s were a potpourri of everything I like and more. Don't even act like you don't feel the same way. When you take your special lady friend home do you put on Al Green or Chris Brown? When you want to watch an awesome movie do you watch Avatar? Or do you watch The Godfather, Rocky, The Godfather II, One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, Star Wars, Jaws, Chinatown, Taxi Driver, Animal House or Apocalypse Now? I can go on and on. The best Billy Joel album? The Stranger. The best type of lamp? Lava. The best Captain and Tennille song? Okay, that was a trick question there is no best Captain and Tennille song.

The point is that the 70s were the best f*ckin' time to be alive, man and being a Brewers fan is no exception. And since this weekend is 70s Retro Weekend we thought it was time to take you back to a time when the music was good, the movies were awesome, afros were an acceptable look on white guys and "do you have any ludes?" wasn't met with a puzzled look. So put on some ELO, pop a few barbs, crack open a Schlitz and come see what's brewin'. Continue reading →

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