24
Feb 10

Better Know Your Brewers: The Newcomers

It's about that time of the year when most people are like "oh hey baseball exists wassup wit dat stuff?" and are beginning to become interested in it. (At least until the NFL Draft.) You may be peppered with tons of questions like "Is Ryan Brawn still good?", "Did they fire Yost yet?" and "CAN I GO TO OPENING DAY WITHOUT A TICKET? I JUST WANT TO DRINK IN THE LOT!" Things have changed and you might not even have noticed. That's why we're here to tell you all about it.

NEWCOMER: Randy Wolf
RELEVANT MPD POST: Casual Brewer Randy Wolf
WHY YOU NEED TO KNOW HIM: He's going to be here awhile, like the next three years. Plus, he's supposed to be the savior of our pitching rotation. No big deal.
MADE UP FACT YOU NEED TO KNOW: Randy is a regular user of craigslist's "missed connection" feature.
INTERESTING FACT(S) THAT IS TRUE: His brother, Jim Wolf, is an MLB Umpire. He bought his Hollywood Hills home from Slash. No word on how many needles were found during the move.
WORTH BUYING HIS JERSEY? You wouldn't be wrong to, but you wouldn't be right to either.
THING TO YELL IF HE SUCKS: "Hey Randy, you suck!"
RECOMMENDED AT-BAT MUSIC: Duran Duran's "Hungry Like The Wolf" seems like an obvious choice, but I'd like for him to go with The Mama's and the Papa's "California Dreamin'". 1.) because it's obvious he'd rather be playing in California and 2.) because anytime I get the chance to make John and Mackenzie Phillips jokes, I'll take it. Continue reading →


21
Jan 10

The Big Tuna will save us all

A few people out there aren't really happy with the Brewers pitching choices this offseason. The idea is that the Brewers haven't signed anyone that could be considered anything better than a #3 starter. While this has some truth to it, it's kind of a silly argument. What if the team broke the bank and got a "proven ace"? There would be no money left to get a second starter, which the team needed, and the team would be guaranteed to come out of the spring with Suppan starting (and if someone got injured Mike Burns or Chris Narveson). That's not a good plan. We don't want Mike Burns ever starting for us again unless we are playing softball at Helfaer Field. Furthermore, let's say that last season someone offered you this trade:

Mike Cameron, JJ Hardy, Jason Kendall and Seth McClung for:

Carlos Gomez, Gregg Zaun, Latroy Hawkins, Randy Wolf and Doug Davis

I mean, even a Mike Cameron fan like myself, a 13 year old saving herself for JJ or the most diehard Slipknot fan would think that's a good trade right? I'd hope so because that is a good trade and it's exactly what Doug Melvin has pulled off. The team will go into spring training with basically the same payroll as last year with upgrades at between four and five positions (C, SP, SP, SS and RP(?)) with a drop off at only one (CF). That's a really good offseason. I honestly don't know how anyone could say that outside of the Mariners anyone had a better offseason than that and it's all because of the Big Tuna Doug Davis. Who knew?


12
Jan 10

Casual Brewer: Latroy Hawkins

I like pictures of the Brewers outside of their uniforms. Casual Brewers if you will. Feel free to create a caption.

latroyhawkinsfacemask

Always nice to find out that the new reliever your team just signed is one of those pussies who wears a mask because he's afraid of the swine flu.


09
Dec 09

LaTroy Hawkins? I know that guy

latroyhawkinsThe Brewers are said to be HOT AND HEAVY after have signed LaTroy Hawkins and I can't help but think that his name sounds really familiar to me. Not in the positive sense. After much searching of my apartment and underneath my trophy case of women's left socks and earlobes, I found it. My favorite book ever written about the Chicago Cubs, Wrigleyworld, that Latroy Hawkins is a big star of. A few choice quotes.

General Manager Jim Hendry did nothing to address the anemic bullpen, instead calling on LaTroy Hawkins for another season.

Especially not today. The Cubs take a 3-2 lead into the top of the ninth, but closer LaTroy Hawkins surrenders the tying run and the game goes into extra innings.

"People are so angry about Dusty Baker, but what about Sammy Sosa and Moises Alou? What about LaTroy Hawkins?"

All this on top of Saturday's game, a freezing and windy affair that saw LaTroy Hawkins blow his second save of the season with two earned runs in the Cubs 4-3 loss.

In the ninth (after an improbable 1-2-3 inning from LaTroy Hawkins), Corey Patterson comes to the plate.

And finally, the best quote of all. Continue reading →

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