03
Nov 09

Hey Ryan Braun, let’s make a movie!

Ryan Braun loves him some offseason projects. He doesn't want to be a baseball player. He wants to be Coke, he wants to be Pepsi, he wants to be Chevy, Ford and BMW. Ryan Braun isn't just an All-Star, he's a brand. The name Ryan Braun equals quality and it reaches far beyond the baseball field. Whether it's Ryan Braun's Tavern and Grille, RB8 or Remetee, he sets out to do good things. I like Ryan Braun, he impresses me.

Why should he stop here? He needs to just keep getting bigger and bigger. Obviously the next logical step is movies and boy oh boy, do I have the perfect movie pitch for you Ryan Braun. You want to be a movie star? You want to extend your brand? You want to get laid about 15,000 times more than you do now? Well, I've written you a screenplay that will BLOW YOUR MIND and surely become one of the top box office hits of 2010 (that's right, we're fast tracking this baby!) I have the story that's going to take Ryan Braun from "Major League Baseball Star" to "Bigger than Jesus, Babe Ruth, Leonardo DiCaprio and 80's Michael Jackson combined". I have the idea that is going to make Shaq and his movies like, well, Shaq movies. Are you ready for this? Are you ready for....

ryan braun jew commando

When a group of Neo-Nazi's seek to re-animate Hitler and kill all the famous Jewish people in the world, there's only one man who can stop them and his name is Ryan Braun.

It's time for this Jewish All-Star to deliver some suffering of his own - with a baseball bat!

Call me.


02
Nov 09

The curious case of Jody Gerut

As the Phillies gift wrap a World Series for the Yankees, the time for offseason moves is approaching. The Hot Stove League is one of the best times of the year. Lots to think about, lots to talk about, tons of speculation and none of those pesky losses to agonize over. As the days roll on, I become more and more convinced that my favorite player, Mike Cameron, won't be back. Rumors of him signing with the Cubs swirl and all of the sudden I start to feel like this guy:

β€œIt’s like going into church on Sunday and the priest says, `Everybody go home, Jesus has now sided with the devil,”’ [Packers fan Mark Fields, who was wearing a Favre jersey with "JUDAS" written on the back] said.

(It's okay, buddy. Have some milk and cookies then go take a nap. Everything is going to be all right.)

The consensus seems to be that Mike Cameron will not be back and that the Brewers starting center fielder for 2010 will be none other than Jody Gerut. He's cheaper, he's under team control and he could put up roughly the same numbers. To prepare for this seemingly inevitable move I keep looking at Gerut's stats, his projections, his Wikipedia page and I just can't figure him out. He just doesn't make any sense. He's either going to be a great steal and an amazing asset or one of the biggest busts in team history. I haven't been this confused since my middle school thought the best way to teach kids about sex was by watching Degrassi episodes from the 80s. Not that I was complaining. (Hey Shane, if you think you are responsible enough to handle a kid when you are in middle school maybe you shouldn't eat acid and jump off a bridge a couple years later. Just a thought.)

Let's take a quick look at Jody Gerut's career: Continue reading →


30
Oct 09

Last minute Halloween costumes

It's Halloween, but you are far too cool to dress up. You're just going to sit home, drink some beer and watch game 3 of the World Series. You tell yourself that the reason for this is because you are somehow emotionally invested in this World Series, but the truth is you just don't have anything better to do. Then it happens. That cute boy or girl from work you've had your eye on invites you to a Halloween party at their apartment, but you have to wear a costume. Only problem is it's the day before, you don't have any money and you don't have any creativity. What are you going to do?

You're going to use one of our MPD Approved Halloween Costumes, that's what you're going to do. Continue reading →


22
Oct 09

Phillies bring home NL championship, Philly brings me gifts

In my "Who ya got?" post I wrote this about the Phillies:

if they win there is a good chance we will get another video like this which would be awesome because I LOVE this video.

God, I love that video.

Well, last night the Phillies locked up their 2nd straight NL championship becoming the first team in 13 years to go back to back in the National League. Quite the accomplishment. Not to be outdone, the city of Philadelphia has given us not one, not two, but THREE FIVE videos for our immense entertainment. Why did I ever root against these guys again? Continue reading →


20
Oct 09

Witrado’s Quest: The Final Act

The slow news days have begun and due to MLB rules there is only a playoff game once every six days. What do we do? Inspired by our favorite site The Dugout, we've decided to follow our favorite JSOnline writer Anthony Witrado on a quest. A quest to find love, adulation and respect in a cruel world that doesn't understand him or particularly like him. Will he find what he's been seeking? Or will he fail at it, like he's failed at life so many times before? Find out in Witrado's Quest: A Miller Park Drunk Event.

In part one Anthony learned that his fellow writers at the Journal Sentinel were not fans of his. In part two convinced that they were the only ones, Anthony set off to find someone who liked him at Miller Park only to be met with more failure and a cross-dressing Doug Melvin. In part three Anthony blamed the state of Wisconsin instead of his own shortcomings and headed back to his home in California where his favorite team was playing a meaningful game, but he found that Hollywood celebrities and the Dodgers did not like him either. With nowhere to go he returned to Wisconsin looking for answers. Continue reading →