500 Reasons the Brewers are .500

milwaukee brewers September 12th, 2012

The Brewers are at .500! 71 wins and 71 losses! They are even in the wins and losses column! And everyone is very excited about this!

It's kind of hilarious when you think that one year ago today the Brewers were in first place, fourteen games over .500 and everyone was miserable because they had just lost 3 out of 4 to the Phillies and 5 out of 6 overall. Everyone was sure that the Brewers sucked and that they weren't going to win the World Series. Talk about your white people problems. Here's what we wrote at the time:

Let's say instead of the Brewers losing 5 in a row to the Cardinals and Phillies that they won them all. That'd have been awesome right? They'd be number one on ESPN and everyone would be calling them World Series favorites. Only now they play the Rockies and the Reds and instead of playing them like I think we're going to play them, they lose five. Does that make the Brewers a playoff team who can't close the deal? Does that make them a team that can't "get up" for the lesser games? Because right now the Brewers are a playoff team who, apparently, "choke against elite starters" or "can't beat good teams" and I just don't see the difference. Losses are loses. This weekend sucked, but consider this:

  1. Rickie Weeks is back.
  2. The Brewers magic number is ten. A combination of Brewers wins and Cardinals losses equaling ten and this is done. Sure, it could go til the end of the season, but it could be over by next weekend or it could be over by Sunday. Relax.

Last year we had a team on the verge of clinching a division that was all but guaranteed a playoff spot and we were miserable. Now we have a team that is at .500 and we are through the roof. Baseball.

But who cares about all that? You can't live in the past, you can only live in the now and that's a good thing because right now the Brewers are pretty awesome. Baseball is pretty fun. So how did this happen? Well, for starters there are these 500 things.

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Brewers looking to drop a deuce on Marlins

milwaukee brewers September 23rd, 2011


Seriously though, how freaking awesome is this? Over the weekend there is going to be a bunch of guys shooting bubbly liquid all over each other's faces and hugging in a drunken embrace. No, I didn't plan a Pants Party and forget to tell you guys about it; the Brewers are going to clinch! GET EXCITED!

Now some of you are probably like "no way man the Cardz are so hot right now and we are the sux were gonna lose and then get eliminated in game 1 of nlds", but to people like you I say SHUT UP. You are stupid and don't understand math. The Brewers need two wins or one win and one Cardinals loss or two Cardinals losses. This shit is going to happen.

Consider this:

  1. This is the Marlins new logo. Are you serious bro? If I was on that team I would totally not try.
  2. They can't even spell Logan Morrison's name right. You think he's going to want to hit homeruns for them? Oh, and he filed a grievance against the team. Can you say mailing it in?
  4. Hanley Ramirez isn't playing. Can you name any other Marlins besides Logan Morrison and Mike Stanton? I'll wait.
  5. Gallardo and Greinke in games 1 and 2. One of them is bound to strikeout 11 Marlins.
  6. Ryan BrauMVP. RyaMVP Braun. Something.
  7. Miller Park is like viagra for the Brewers bats.
  8. The number is two! Dos! 2! Deux! Another foreign language word for two!

We are going to the playoffs! Who's growing playoff beards with me?

(A complete playoff preview is coming next week with a very special guest. Until then we party.)