Warning: These Brewers facts may change everything you know about reality. Continue reading →
Letter to the fans of the Milwaukee Brewers:
I have always been very grateful for the privilege of playing baseball in the great city of Milwaukee.
I am so sorry for letting you down by being in denial for so long and not telling the whole truth about what happened.
I am ashamed and extremely embarrassed by the decisions I made. There are no excuses for what I did and I take full responsibility for my actions.
I apologize to all Brewers fans for disappointing you.
I came forward because I knew it was time for me to tell the truth and accept my punishment.
I understand I have abused your trust and that of our great owner Mark Attanasio and the entire Brewers organization.
Admitting my mistakes and asking for your forgiveness are the first steps in what I know will be a lengthy process to prove myself to you again.
It is an honor to represent the people of Wisconsin by wearing a Brewers uniform.
I want all of you to know how much I have appreciated the support I've received from so many of you throughout my years with the organization.
I will continue to work on improving myself and making amends for what I have done.
I am deeply sorry for my actions and I apologize to everyone I have let down. I am committed to doing everything I can to earn back your trust and support.
Despite what Tyler Maas said the other day, how awesome is it that the season is over? I AM SO HAPPY! No more dreaming of impossible scenarios that won't happen, no more Brewers bullpen doing Brewers bullpen thing, no more Cardinals, no more Barry Zito, no more MLB Betting, no more Prince Fielder used to be a Brewer and no more stupid teams in the stupid World Series. I'm glad it's all over and I am ready to move on to my favorite time of the year: free agency!
The great thing about free agency is that everyone is interesting. Alex Gonzalez is a slightly above average shortstop in the declining phase of his career, but when they signed him last year it felt like they were getting Cal Ripken Jr. (The young bald shortstop version, not the older bald third base version.) Free agency has a way of filling us with hope and making us believe that whatever dude we just signed is going to be the key to our championship season.*
*= Unless that signing is Eric Gagne, Jeff Suppan, Jason Kendall, Doug Davis or any of the other sucky assholes this team has brought in over the past few years.
With the free agent FrEnZy set to begin I thought we should take a look at who the Brewers may or may not get. This isn't meant to be a predictions post because my name is not Doug Melvin, but is instead a handy guide for any Brewers front office staff who might be reading this to gauge our feelings on any potential signings. Last season was the worst (and then briefly the best, but mostly the absolute worst) and I don't want to go through that again. You have to get this one right. Don't mess this one up, guys. No pressure.
Going to try something new on Fridays that we'll call TRL Friday. Basically you (you) send me questions on Twitter and I (Vince) answer them here on the blog. (I should admit I stole this idea from my buddy Tom.) I'll keep doing it as long as I get questions. So hit me up @millerparkdrunk hashtag TRL AOL keyword baseball Ask Jeeves. Cool? Cool. Now let's go.
mgnirk asks if we think Doug Melvin's job is in jeopardy.
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Hell no.
While this season has been a huge disappointment and Mark Attanasio is probably not too happy about it he still has to realize what a great team Doug Melvin put together. He absolutely nailed the Aramis Ramirez and Norichika Aoki signings. The Lucroy extension is looking good. The rotation has been one of the better ones around and that's with Shaun Marcum missing a large amount of time with an injury. You can't fire your GM for the bullpen's performance especially when your top two (who never had ERAs close to 4 in their career) post 5+ ERAs. I don't think anyone could have seen that coming. One of the two maybe, but no way both.
In retrospect they probably should have gotten another decent bullpen arm in the offseason. Jose Veras was basically expected to be the number three guy out there and, well, maybe someone who is traded straight up for Casey McGehee isn't the best choice for that role. Just saying.
SecondHandStore wants to know which APOCALYPSE would be worse: Cat, Duck, Zombie, or Robot?
Well, obviously, the answer is robot. Have you seen the future in the Terminator movies? That place is bleak, man. There is nothing redeeming about that place whatsoever. It's like Detroit, but everywhere.
There has been so much zombie stuff on TV and in movies over the past few years that I feel like a zombie apocalypse wouldn't even be that big of a deal. We all know how to kill them, we would all really get off on the fact that we get to kill them and the whole thing would be over in a day or two.
As for the apocalypse I fear the most? Cat apocalypse. They don't make enough Zyrtec in the world for my allergies to handle a Cat apocalypse.
BMWolf7 asks if Rickie Weeks would be faster with less hair.
Who am I, Bill Nye? I don't know science, man.
How about this question: Is it time for Rickie Weeks to get a new hairstyle? The answer is yes.
In 2009 I wrote a post about Rickie looking like Play from Kid N' Play and I am pretty sure he hasn't cut his hair since. Is this Intervention worthy? It does look pretty cool, but enough is enough man. You aren't joining SOJA.
timmyt3477 is wondering if there is a Miller Park Stoner and if not wonders where he can apply.
I don't think there is a Miller Park Stoner, but if I had to do it all over again I might have went with that. (Actually, I wouldn't because I have preemie lungs and smoking makes me cough, but still hear me out.)
Think about it. Drinking makes you all emotional. Last night I drank a bottle of wine and started watching an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Angel breaks up with her, but then she goes to the prom and her class gives her an award for saving their lives so many times and then Angel shows up for one last dance. You know what happened? Tears started coming out of my face because of an episode of a TV show that aired 13 years ago. This is definitely the alcohol's fault and not because I am a huge pussy. Drinking is the worst.
Oh, but what does weed do to you? It relaxes you. It makes you feel good. It expands your mind, man. Did you watch yesterday's Brewers loss to the Cubs? With K-Rod blowing the lead and Alfonso Soriano (really) hitting the game winning single? Did you see that? Wasn't it terrible? Now imagine it ON WEED. It was kind of awesome, wasn't it? You saw deep into the soul of this baseball team and saw a scared white tiger that didn't know it's own strength. When Alfonso Soriano hit that ball it didn't phase you. You ate like three bags of Cheetos and stared at your orange fingers for an hour. It was like looking at the back of a five dollar bill, but better. You probably don't even remember who won and you don't care. Why? Because you got glow sticks, that's why. Being the Miller Park Stoner would be awesome. Although I imagine you won't get much writing done.
JakeInWisconsin asks if I'd like to see Zack Greinke return next season.
I guess? I mean, he's really good at baseball and if he wants to play here under a reasonable deal it's pretty hard to say no to that. He's been the 9th best pitcher by WAR in all of baseball over the past three seasons so having a guy like that on your team would be pretty awesome.
That being said I am not really in love with the idea and won't be upset if they don't even try. For one Zack Greinke is going to be really expensive and not only that he'll also require a lot of years which is what always gets you on those contracts. In 2019 I don't want my son bitching about this old weirdo who sucks taking up roster space and payroll. That wouldn't be fun for me. (Then again who even knows if there will be baseball in 2019 after the Cat Apocalypse.) Besides isn't it always fun to start fresh with someone new? Mike Fiers might not be even half as good as Greinke, but he's new and exciting. It's fun to see what he'll do next. We know what Greinke will do next and it will either be really awesome or really frustrating. Forget that. Getting back Zack Greinke would be like getting back together with your high school girlfriend. Sure, she might still be attractive, but you've been there and done that. New is always better. Even if it's not actually better. You know?
I love baseball simulators. I don't want to play the games, I just want to be the GM. I want to trade for Jim Thome to be a pinch hitter. I want to have fire sales that would cripple a franchise. I want to develop a super team of young, cheap talent and watch them flourish. I like to take a crap team and make them amazing. It's fun for me.
For years I've been playing Baseball Mogul and those games are fun, but after the 20th season you can sort of predict what rookies will become stars and which ones won't. This season I first tried Out of the Park Baseball on my iPhone and proceeded to destroy my battery and an entire afternoon in the process. After that I tried out the full version of a friend's and fell in love. This game had it all. Rule 5 Draft, negotiations with amateur draft picks, all the minor league levels, compensation picks and everything else. OOTP blows Baseball Mogul out of the water. This is the game I've always dreamed existed and I fell in love. And I love it so much that I decided to keep a diary of the 2012 Brewers. Continue reading →