16
Nov 11

Miller Park Drunk’s Offseason Predictions

One month.

That's how long it's been since the Brewers were eliminated from the NLCS and robbed of their chance of the World Series by Shaun Marcum the Cardinals. A lot has happened since then. The not-Brewers won the World Series. The Packers didn't lose a game. The Badgers lost a couple they shouldn't have, effectively ending their season. The NBA died. Mark Kotsay signed with another team making the Brewers one rapist looking guy short. Eddie Kingston won the Grand Championship and Colt CaBunny was liberated. The Walking Dead's second season began and producers forgot it was a show about zombies. Kim Kardashian got divorced. Zooey Deschanel became single. Justin Bieber came out with a Christmas album. A guy smoked (a cigarette!) in a political ad. It's been a wild ride.

As for me, it's been a pretty wild ride. Faced with breaking up with my girlfriend and never talking to her again followed by my true love breaking my heart by losing in the playoffs to the Cardinals, I guess you could say I had a little mental break. I went on a journey, not like some lame On The Road inspired journey, but a journey of the mind. A spiritual journey, because that is not at all lame, that took me to the very depths of my soul and made me rethink each and every thing I thought I believed in. I now realize many things about myself and life that I didn't realize before. I know now that the world belongs to Ryan Braun and there is nothing we can do about it. I realize that we are all just puppets in a mass system designed to get us to spend money on a baseball team that will never love us back, but this realization will never stop me from continuing to do it. I've come to figure out that life isn't fair and that God, as we picture him, probably doesn't exist because the Cardinals not only beat us, but won the f*ckin' World Series.

/breathes into paper bag

The point is I return from this journey not with any sort of resolved issues, but with a clear vision of the future. I've gained an understanding of Doug Melvin and the Brewers that has never been witnessed before on this spiritual plane and come to you today with revelations of what our future holds in 2012. Our future, as philosophers say, is so bright that you might want to put on sunglasses. Continue reading →


03
Oct 11

Lay off Casey McGehee

Lost in the elation of yesterday's win was a single moment in the game that really pissed me and other like minded Brewers fans off. With the Brewers up five runs in the eighth inning and K-Rod due to bat at the top of the inning the Brewers called upon a pinch hitter. The hitter chosen by Brewers manager Ron Roenicke was Casey McGehee. Casey McGehee took about two pitches before hitting a foul pop-up that the catcher caught for the out. As Casey McGehee headed back to the dugout he was treated to a chorus of boos from the crowd at Miller Park. #areyouseriousbro

I am not here to defend the season of Casey McGehee. A .626 OPS is not good. In fact, it is very bad. He underperformed badly and now he has (seemingly) been replaced in the lineup by Jerry Hairston. If you are one of the people who believes that Casey McGehee is responsible for all of the Brewers losses this season then this is exactly what you wanted to happen. Adding to that, a pinch hit at bat when the Brewers are up five runs in the late innings is exactly the time you should want to see Casey McGehee swing the bat. If he gets a hit, great. If he doesn't, the Brewers are still up five. He was the second bat off the bench after Mark Kotsay. He didn't have anything to do with the game's outcome. He can't ruin anything. He has done nothing to deserve a boo.

Before I dig deeper into this idea of booing someone during a playoff game when your favorite team is in the midst of (possibly) it's greatest run ever, I want to tell you a story. Continue reading →


25
Mar 11

Your 2011 Awesomely Bad Milwaukee Brewers jokes

Who doesn't like a good pun? More importantly, who doesn't love a bad pun?

Baseball can be kind of a boring game in between all the really exciting things that happen. There is a lot of time for conversation and with conversation comes jokes. Good jokes, dirty jokes and most of all bad jokes will be strewn across Miller Park this year more than Miller Lites. You will hear a lot of jokes at the park this year, but almost none of them will be good. You have to learn to expect them so that you aren't caught off guard by them. You need to be prepared for the polite laugh you are sure to give the co-worker you don't really like that much or the lonely uncle who offered to buy your ticket. Luckily for you, we have the inside track on the hottest bad jokes for 2011. We can see them coming before the bad joke teller can and we're going to share them with you right here. Preparation is the key to success. Or something. Continue reading →