03
Nov 09

Hey Ryan Braun, let’s make a movie!

Ryan Braun loves him some offseason projects. He doesn't want to be a baseball player. He wants to be Coke, he wants to be Pepsi, he wants to be Chevy, Ford and BMW. Ryan Braun isn't just an All-Star, he's a brand. The name Ryan Braun equals quality and it reaches far beyond the baseball field. Whether it's Ryan Braun's Tavern and Grille, RB8 or Remetee, he sets out to do good things. I like Ryan Braun, he impresses me.

Why should he stop here? He needs to just keep getting bigger and bigger. Obviously the next logical step is movies and boy oh boy, do I have the perfect movie pitch for you Ryan Braun. You want to be a movie star? You want to extend your brand? You want to get laid about 15,000 times more than you do now? Well, I've written you a screenplay that will BLOW YOUR MIND and surely become one of the top box office hits of 2010 (that's right, we're fast tracking this baby!) I have the story that's going to take Ryan Braun from "Major League Baseball Star" to "Bigger than Jesus, Babe Ruth, Leonardo DiCaprio and 80's Michael Jackson combined". I have the idea that is going to make Shaq and his movies like, well, Shaq movies. Are you ready for this? Are you ready for....

ryan braun jew commando

When a group of Neo-Nazi's seek to re-animate Hitler and kill all the famous Jewish people in the world, there's only one man who can stop them and his name is Ryan Braun.

It's time for this Jewish All-Star to deliver some suffering of his own - with a baseball bat!

Call me.


14
Sep 09

Anatomy of a Play

In case you missed the Brewers game yesterday (and I am guessing you probably did), Alcides Escobar made probably the best play I have seen all year. I described it on twitter as "alcides with a play jj is incapable of dreaming about" and later Al's Ramblings said basically the same thing (I would link to the post but Al has a terrible CMS that won't allow it). If you didn't see it or just want to watch it again, here it is.

Whenever you see a play like that you are awestruck and filled with questions. How did he do that? What was going through his mind on the play? Well, luckily for you I have the upgraded version of MLB.tv which includes a new feature called mind reading which I have transcribed for your enjoyment. Continue reading →


01
Sep 09

Meet Alcides Escobar ladies

Sometimes I forget that I may have more female readers than I have male readers and that talking negatively about JJ Hardy is probably not the best course of action. The problem is the JJ days are probably over. The Alcides Escobar era is here and there's nothing we can do about it. I want the ladies to love Alcides, but the fact is that he is nowhere near as good looking as JJ Hardy. A friend of mine tells me that he enjoys vodka/cranberry and Michael Jackson, but that's just not enough to make this happen. We need more.

Luckily for Alcides he has me on his side. Here's 10 things that Alcides Escobar can do (scratch that, WILL DO) to make the ladies love him like they love JJ. When we're done with him he's going to make JJ Hardy look like Jonathan Knight (to his Donnie Wahlberg (or Joey McIntyre depending on your preference)) and no one will care when he comes out of the closet.

Continue reading →

  • BrewBay

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