03
Jul 12

FASHION UPDATE: Put your clothes on

VINCE:Hey Steph, what is the deal with all these dudes taking their shirts off in the parking lot at Miller Park? I think I saw more bad tattoos than Brewers logos at the game we went to a couple of weeks ago. Is this in any way acceptable? I say no, but maybe that's just because I don't have any sweet tats brah. I mean, I'm not going to pretend that I've never stripped my shirt off to do the Macarena, but there is a specific time and place where that kind of thing is appropriate. Like a bar mitzvah. You have to read your surroundings when you are doing that stuff and a parking lot filled with people is not that time or that place.In my mind there are maybe six people who can pull off the "casually hanging out in public without a shirt on" look and those people are Matthew McConaughey, D'Angelo, Channing Tatum, Ryan Gosling, David Beckham and John C. Reilly. Oh, and Joel McHale. I'm pretty gay for Joel McHale. (hi joel ;)) Pretty sure none of those dudes are tailgating at Miller Park this season so everyone else needs to shirt up, period. I don't care how hot it is. This isn't the beach. You aren't playing with sand toys. Nobody wants to see your back tattoo that reads "PLEASE FORGIVE ME" or watch you drip a glob of mustard off of your brat and into your taco meat. Please keep your shirt on.
Now am I just a hater because I am more Louis CK than Donald Glover with my shirt off? Or am I right about this one? Please tell me I'm right.
STEPH: Now I understand that I am the (sometimes) proud owner of a vagina but I don't really love seeing dudes without their shirts, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I find myself staring at their nipples and then checking out their abs or lack thereof. 9 out of 10 times, the men that are shirtless at Miller Park are essentially some form of this lad.
I understand that manning a grill while drinking booze in the sun can get a fella a little heated but, Jesus Christ, keep the shirts on. There is no way that tailgating without a shirt is acceptable, how can going sans shirt be that much more refreshing than wearing, say, a cotton t-shirt? The bottom line is that guys are douche bags. Douche bags like to be shirtless. Shirtless dudes end up on Cops. So, in conclusion if you are at Miller Park without a shirt on you will end up on Cops.
VINCE: I'm glad we settled this. I think we should rank taking your shirt off in the parking lot slightly behind "jerseys with your name on it" and "Brewers heels", but above "mixing old and new logos" and "being Front Row Amy" in the Official Miller Park Fashion Rules.
A few thoughts before we go.
1. Is that a cell phone or a pocket knife on his belt? If it's a pocket knife this dude might be a secret genius because, really, those Miller Lite punch top cans are way too hard to punch. And this is coming from a guy who has a lot of extra wrist strength if you know what I mean.
2. There is no way in hell that guy doesn't listen to "Red Solo Cup" four or five times a day. No way. (By the way, "Red Solo Cup" is such an awful song that I am planning on having blue or green Solo cups at the Pants Party just to avoid the off chance that someone gets that song stuck in my head.)
3. Seriously though, your boyfriend looks really cute in this picture.
STEPH: He does, doesn't he? Way better than this shirtless dickface.

Aren't we funny? Don't we seem cool to hang with? Come hang with us at Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party 2 7/15 at Miller Park. Check out our facebook page for food and drink options.


16
Jun 12

Pants Party 2 is one month away!

We are now one month away from Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party 2 and somehow there are still tickets available. I don't know why. It's a great deal and you get to drink with some of the coolest people around (and Tyler.) We're drinking, we're eating, we're playing games and we're giving a ton of stuff away in a raffle. It's going to be a good time. So why aren't we sold out?

Well, I have a theory. You see about a year ago I broke up with my girlfriend and somehow thought writing terrible blog posts would get her back. (It didn't. Thank god.) What I didn't think of at the time was that I sounded like a total pussy and a year later nobody would want to come to my Pants Party because they think I have no balls. Seriously, look at this:

Not trying to get too "inside baseball" here, but the truth is that when you stop being yourself you stop being someone that people like to spend time with. Being "the" Miller Park Drunk all the time was a stupid goal and I've changed in a way where that isn't what I want to do anymore, but that doesn't mean that I want to stop having great times at Brewers games.

(Excuse me I have to stab myself in the eye with a lead based pencil a few times. Be right back.) Continue reading →


29
May 12

Pants Party 2: Sausage Fest

On August 29th 2010 people gathered at Miller Park from all over the fine state of Wisconsin to take part in an event known as "Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party." Few knew what they were getting into before the event, but after some amazing food, a great party, a Brewers win and a pantsless kegstand; everyone who attended realized they just had one of the greatest times ever and their lives were never the same a-gain.

For a variety of reasons 2011 did not feature a return event and many people were left extremely disappointed. Some turned to hard drugs to ease the pain, others to crime. (One dude even ate another dude's face in Florida.) Relationships crumbled, the dead rose from the grave, humans were sacrificed, cats and dogs started living together... it was mass hysteria! But that's all over now because today is a new dawn.

The clouds have parted, the sun has come out and Miller Park Drunk's Pants Party has returned. Rejoice because on July 15th...

Continue reading →


16
May 12

FJM: Milwaukee Brewers, Fire Sale Time?

At some point in this site's history I joined the Yardbarker network and because I did that I had to put this little link box thing that you see on the right side of this page with some relevant links to other Milwaukee Brewers content on their network. I was told if I did this that I would get more hits, more exposure and more money. While I'm still waiting on basically all of those things I have still had the chance to check out some other Brewers websites that I normally wouldn't have otherwise. Why wouldn't I have read them you ask? Because they are not good, that's why. I don't know nearly enough about Yardbarker to make judgements on them, but from what I've seen regarding the Brewers they will basically let anyone become a member of their network.

One of these sites would be LosersBracket which seems like your basic "pictures of hot girls mixed with sports opinions" site. Kind of a poor man's Busted Coverage. These sites are great because you don't really need to have any knowledge of sports to run one and you'll still get hits because omgboobz. I would normally just ignore their content, but sometimes someone writes something so bad, so dumb, so devoid of intelligence that you have to do something to it. You have to FJM it. Continue reading →


08
May 12

10 Reasons You Should Stop Worrying About the Brewers

There is a good chance the Milwaukee Brewers 2012 season is cursed. I mean, what other possible explanation is there for all of the injuries they have suffered lately? Was Miller Park built on an Indian burial ground and the lost souls are having their revenge? Did Ron Roenicke date a witch? Or maybe the Brewers left a crappy tip for their waitress at Buffalo Wild Wings and now the guy from the commercial (who has a crush on said waitress) is getting his revenge on the team? I've searched high and low for an answer to what is happening to this team right now, but I'm not having much luck finding an answer that makes sense.

To make matters worse they haven't been winning, going 3-7 over their last ten games. The losses haven't been pretty either. Shut out by Jeff Suppan. The Dillard game aka the first true "Fire Ron Roenicke" game of the season. Yesterday's homerun derby. Don't even get me started on the road trips to Atlanta and St. Louis. Its been crappy, no fun and the opposite of Batman.

But does that mean the Brewers are done? Are they doomed? Should they start selling their assets and building for the future? Is it time to give up? The answer to these questions and more is: No, are you frickin' kidding me? To prove my point here is ten reasons why you should relax: Continue reading →

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