27
May 09

Attention readers: we have changed the world

April 22nd, 2009. Miller Park Drunk.

At the time my friends and I made the obligatory “looks like Coffey had too much coffee jokes” (maybe he should switch to decaf, hey-yo!), but the more I think about it the more he reminded me of the Ultimate Warrior hitting the ring. I’m not saying he needs to paint his face or anything (although that wouldn’t hurt), but I am going to go ahead and insist that he enter the ring game to the Ultimate Warrior’s music from now on.

I just got back from going to the last two Brewers games and guess what? He did it. He entered to the music. We have changed the world and done it for the better. Why? Because it worked. When that music hits, the crowd goes wild and it fits PERFECTLY. You're welcome Brewers fans.


12
May 09

Tom H’s JSOnline Chat

Yesterday Tom "I hate my job" Haudricourt did a chat at JSOnline. He answered a lot of questions, but he didn't have time for all of them. Luckily, Tom H and I are tight (we listen to goth music together) and he allowed me to put the questions and his answers that they didn't have time for right here on Miller Park Drunk!

Q: mary anne, milwaukee - tom are you on facebook, myspace or twitter?
A: Tom Haudricourt - Why don't you check out my FaceBook profile and find out? Oh that's right I am not an idiot like you who uses FaceBook or MYspace. Go tweet yourself.
Q: milwaukee fan - You are an awesome writer and I love Tony as well. Just a quick question: what color is the sky?
A: Tom Haudricourt - Thanks so much. We do our best around here, we like to think of ourselves as the Woodward and Berninstein of Milwaukee. To answer your question: depends what day.
Q: Mark, Eau Claire - Tom: I was wondering if you could tell me how Braun's first three years thus far compare to some of the other great baseball players. It seems like he's right up there with Pujols and other legends.
A: Tom Haudricourt - I have neither the time or the desire to research such things.
Q:
miranda, appleton
- tom are you single?
A: Tom Haudricourt - That's really none of your business, but if I was I wouldn't date some loser Brewers fan who reads my chats.
Q: Jack, New Berlin - Tom, I love the Brewers and I love going to Miller Park but the coverage that you and Tony deliver is beyond atrocious. I now get all of my Brewers information from blogs even though I'd prefer it from the JSOnline. Is there any chance of your editors realizing how bad you are and replacing you with better reporters? Or will the JS continue to stick it's head in the sand and act like everything is alright?
A: Tom Haudricourt - I'm glad they let you use the internet at the school for the mentally challenged, retard. Maybe if you knew anything you'd know that I am the best this stupid city will ever have.
Q: brewcrew4eva - Tom I hate Ryan Braun, Rickie Weeks, Mike Cameron, Prince Fielder and Yovanni Gallardo. Is there anyway the team can just clone Corey Hart and Craig Counsell and have them play every position?
A: Tom Haudricourt - No, but there is probably about 100 different ways you can kill yourself. Go try a few.
Q: Jack, New Berlin - Hey Tom me again. How do you think the Brewers will handle Capuano's return from the DL? Julio seems sure to go, but Cap is most valuable as a starter I'd think.
A: Tom Haudricourt - Go f yourself.
Q: Bill, La Crosse - Non Brewers question: Do you think the Cubs will turn it around and start being the team people thought they'd be in the preseason? Also, will the Dodgers still be good without Manny?
A: Tom Haudricourt - I'm paid to cover the Brewers, not the rest of baseball. Please don't waste everyone's time with this. Okay, that about wraps it up. It's not like I'm getting paid by the hour here. See you guys at the ballpark. (Actually, I won't because I'll be in the press box and you'll be in the upper deck.)

Thanks Tom!


08
May 09

Does it even matter?

The Cubs enter Miller Park this weekend for a three game series. The two teams sit one game apart the Cubs are 16-12 and the Brewers are 16-13. Based on play thus far this season the Brewers have a 27% chance of making the playoffs while the Cubs have a 24% chance according to BP Playoff Odds. Now, if you get down into the numbers if the Brewers were to sweep the Cubs this weekend they'd be at 19-13 and probably above 30% to make the playoffs while the Cubs would see a serious dropoff. The reverse would also be true. So, the question becomes: does this series matter?

No. It doesn't.

If we have a repeat of last season where the Cubs sweep the Brewers in Miller Park it means absolutely nothing in the long run of the season. They'll be a .500 team with a higher amount of runs scored than runs allowed. The future will still be bright, we'll still have to wear shades.

Do I want the Brewers to win? Of course. That's a stupid question, damn you for asking it... myself. The point is the sky doesn't fall if they don't. They are still talented and on a good pace this season. That beind said, I really hope they win this series. I don't expect this weekend to be like April, I fully expect more Cubs fans than Brewers fans. And that's fine. Just remember what I said about booing and giving back the douche. Now's your time to shine Milwaukee.

I'm off for the weekend, not catching any games til Tuesday as I want to spend some time with my son. He's getting to the age where I can fully explain to him why he shouldn't wear Affliction shirts, call women whores, live in Illinois or boo. That's about 1 and a half right? Have fun out there.


05
May 09

Braun’s Big Day

Yesterday I had my first softball game of the season. It was a win for The People's Champs so that was nice, but words can't really describe how tired and sore I am. Maybe I should re-think this whole Miller Park Drunk, drinking beer and eating delicious foods lifestyle (pause for laughter). Yesterday was a pretty big day for me, but it really pales in comparison to the day of Ryan Braun.

Ryan Braun

/wakes up

/pisses excellent

Ryan Braun: Well I am off to the doctor for my MRI now.

20 minutes later...

DOCTOR: Ryan, there is nothing wrong with you.

Ryan Braun: Yay!

DOCTOR: In fact you are a perfect human being. You are what Hitler had in mind when he seeked to create a super-race, which is ironic because..

Ryan Braun: Sorry Doc, can't talk. I have to get to Pittsburgh.

/gets into car

Ryan Braun: Oh no I need gas.

/stops at gas station

GIRLS: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WE ARE TOTALLY FREAKING OUT

/smiles

GAS STATION ATTENDANT: Don't worry Mister Braun, this one's on me!

Ryan Braun: Sweet!

/drives down the block, a mad woman runs up to his car

MAD WOMAN: My baby! My baby! Someone save my baby!

/runs into burning house

/saves baby

/smiles

/arrives at airport and gets on the plane

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: For your in flight movie we will be showing The Goonies.

Ryan Braun: Yeah!

Two hours later..

/checks cellphone, 1 new text message

DIGITAL KEN MACHA: we r down 2 we need u k? lol ttyl

Ryan Braun: I don't think he knows what lol means.

/arrives at ballpark instantaneously

/dresses in a matter of seconds

/pinch hits

/hits game-tying double

/smiles

[pic via CuteSports]


04
May 09

Mike Cameron, I love you

mike cameronI've known Mike Cameron since before he was ever a Brewer, before Miller Park existed. Well, not known him known him, but I have been a fan of his work for quite some time. He was the key to the trade that sent Ken Griffey to Cincinatti and I lived in Seattle at that time so we became well acquainted. His defense in Center Field was the best I've ever seen. He struck out a lot, but when he made contact it went a long way and when he got on base he could steal. Basically, if Ichiro never existed he would be my favorite player and right now he is my favorite Brewer. Now? He's the same player with a slight dropoff in defense.

Now I've let my love for Rickie Weeks be known around these parts, but that's mostly because I hate people saying he sucks when he so clearly doesn't. With Mike Cameron I truly like the guy and want him to succeed. I will argue his value to my death. To me he is THE most important guy to this team's success and it might not even have anything to do with how he plays. Take yesterday's game for example. Prince hit a homerun and Mike Cameron gave him a choreographed high-five. Then Mike Cameron hit a homerun and he gave Rickie Weeks a different choreographed high-five. The more I watch the Brewers (and you notice this after wins) I see Mike Cameron do a different high-five for every player on the team. I even saw him give Ken Macha (!) the up-down high-five. Mike Cameron is without a doubt the glue that binds this team together. When CC Sabathia was around he called Mike Cameron a friend. Do you know why? Because Mike Cameron is EVERYONE'S friend. He is probably the coolest guy in all of Major League Baseball and everyone should be glad he is on our team. You know the stories about how the Brewers truly like eachother? That's got Mike Cameron's fingerprints all over it. He's a good guy and he's a winner.

The reason I am bringing this up is not to sing his praises from the mountain tops. It's to prepare you for what might happen. You see Mike Cameron has never hit higher than .273 in a season and he's only hit above .260 in 4 out of his 11 seasons. Right now he's hitting .321 and as much as we'd all like it to be true, 36 is not the season you suddenly learn to hit .300. It's just not. So there is going to be a dropoff and there will probably be a slump at some point. At some point this season you may say to yourself that Mike Cameron sucks and I just want you to know that I will have none of it. Mike Cameron does not suck. He is who he is. He's a plus defender, with above average power and speed. He is good, but he is not this good. He will decline this season and that will be okay because he will still be Mike Cameron and Mike Cameron is still the most valuable guy in the locker room that this team has.

So remember those rules of booing? This is #1 on mine: Never, ever boo Mike Cameron.

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