04
May 09

Enough with the gimmicks people

Let's do things a little differently today. I am going to show you a few pictures and you can decide for yourself how you feel about them. Then when we are done with that, I am going to tell you exactly how I feel about them. Sound good? Good.

banana asshole

gorilla assholes

keg asshole(Thanks to StB08 on Twitter)

bunny asshole

Now, taken one at a time these people could be considered funny, cool or at the very least creative. I give them kudos for their creativity and enthusiasm. However, I seriously doubt their intentions. When you are dressing up like this, you aren't going to the game to watch the team play. You are going to the game to get attention. Of course these people want the Brewers to win the game, but what REALLY makes them happy is for people to give them high-fives and say "Oh man, I love your costume." And you know what? I am not going to do it. I am not going to give them the adulation they so desperately seek. They are attention whores. Plain and simple. The only attention whores I like are the ones who double as regular whores too.

Every single series I go to I end up seeing more and more of these people. They multiply like someone poured water on Gizmo's back. I'm not saying I want to live in a world where these people don't exist. Like my mom used to tell me, every family needs a big, fat, stupid idiot. The thing is there are far too many of these people out there right now and if someone doesn't say something now this may spin out of control. To the point where every game starts to look more like a costume party at Elton John's condo than a baseball game.

So here I am saying it: cut it out. You hear me guys in the gorilla outfits? That can't be comfortable and this isn't a freaking Phoenix Suns game. You hear me banana guy? I honestly don't even understand what you are going for there. You hear me rabbit head? (Actually, you probably don't. That head looks pretty thick.) This is a BASEBALL game, you are here to watch BASEBALL. Save your furry fantasies for the bedroom. I swear to you that you can have fun at this place without dressing like that. SO STOP IT.

(None of the above applies to shave stuff in your chest guy. Don't ever change my friend.)


01
May 09

And the winner is…

I'll tell you what, it's pretty hard to find stuff to write about when the team you write about goes 8-2 in it's last ten games and doesn't show any sign of stopping. (Hangovers also don't help.) Should be a fun weekend of baseball as the team couldn't look better and Miller Park will be close to full all three games. Exciting times. Now I'm no math genius, but I'm pretty sure the Brewers are currently on pace for 87 wins which puts them right in the thick of things come September. It's early and all, but this isn't the drop off people were predicting and there is definitely room to grow (like if Tiger Beat Hardy could remember how to hit.) Anyways, have fun out there this weekend, we'll be back Monday. Go Crew.

Oh, I guess you also want to know who the winner of the contest for the free tickets to the 5/13 game against the Florida Marlins is. Well congratulations go out to Kari O'neil of Wisconsin. As the winner of this contest you win the two tickets and if you would like the free space to complain/whine/brag/celebrate or whatever about anything you'd like right here on the site. As long as it's Brewers related. I don't want to hear about how big of an asshole your ex-boyfriend was (unless, of course, your ex-boyfriend is JJ Hardy in which case I want to sign you to a book deal.) You may also get the pleasure of sharing a drink with me at this game, although that perk is TBA at the moment.

Thanks to everyone who became a fan or follows us on Twitter. We'll keep bringing the fun as long as you keep reading it.


29
Apr 09

So here’s the deal…

TWITTERI am going to the game today so there won't be any updates. What there will be is drunken tweeting. It's all the fun of Miller Park Drunk without the spelling, grammar, capitalization and links with the added bonus of drunk texting. My ex-girlfriend hated it, but I'm sure you will LOVE IT. (Then again, I was sure she would love it too.) You can follow us or just check out this post right here as we've set it up to post live (I think). This could be awesome or it might suck, either way: it's free.


28
Apr 09

Chat transcript

I have sources inside Miller Park. I don't like to brag about this, but I do. One of my sources tipped me off today about the Ryan Braun/John Hirschbeck conversation after Braun was hit squarely in the back yesterday. Here for your reading pleasure is inside access that you won't find anywhere else, the complete chat transcript between Ryan Braun, umpire John Hirschbeck and Ken Macha.

Ryan Braun Hold me back, man. Hold me back.
John Hirschbeck Calm down take your base.

/warns both teams

Relax.

Ryan Braun I ain't a killer but don't push me.
John Hirschbeck Okay, take your base.
Ryan Braun Revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting pussy.
John Hirschbeck Come on Ryan, just take the base. Let's not make this worse than it is.
Ryan Braun My adversaries crumble when we rumble. It's a catastrophe.
John Hirschbeck Are you just quoting 2pac songs?
Ryan Braun Bust him to see if he bleed, he shoulda never messed around with a sick-ass ninja like me. They call my name out and ninjas run.
John Hirschbeck Do you even have the uncensored version?
Ryan Braun ...
Brewers Macha Baseball WESTSIDE!!!!!1
Brewers Macha Baseball THUG LIFE BAY-BEEEE!

ARF! ARF!

John Hirschbeck /sighs

At least nobody spit in my face.


24
Apr 09

71, seriously? That’s it?

Alright, that just about wraps things up for this week. This weekend's series against the Astros should be good as Minute Maid Park is a good place to hit home runs and that's just about our biggest strength. I don't think I'm going out on a limb here when I say one of the three games will feature 10 runs scored by a single team. I need to take a couple days off to figure out what has happened in my life that led me to thinking that writing as if I was Alyssa Milano was not only a good idea, but would be a lot of fun. I'm no doctor, but something doesn't seem quite right there.

Have a good weekend and if you haven't already Become a Fan of Miller Park Drunk on facebook. So far only 71 people have done so which really doesn't make any sense considering we are giving away two free good seats. Seriously, do it already and while you're at it Follow Us on Twitter. Look at all the fun we've been having on facebook and Twitter. It's what all the cool kids are doing.

"Guess he's due for a 10 run inning now"

"If you're not willing to hug Mike Cameron when you're sober, I feel you may want to rethink your entire post."

"douchebaggery at its finest."

"@millerparkdrunk so how do I become the "official liquor store" of @millerparkdrunk?"

"@millerparkdrunk and don't get so drunk you take out the margarita stand.... Just another tid bit to add. I'm still hurtin lol"

"@millerparkdrunk I agree with you...classless, we're suppose to be showing them how to act"

Clearly, we're having a great time and you are missing out.

Out, peace.

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