17
Apr 09

You know what? Screw that dude

Forrest GumpThe more I think about that guy, the more pissed off I am. Like, really pissed off. He's making me, as a Brewers fan, look bad. He's making this site look bad because like it or not this is the home for drunken Brewers fans, even the douche-y ones. (It goes like this: drunk fans/Miller Park Drunk, smart sabermetric inclined fans/Brew Crew Ball, older Republican fans/Al's Ramblings, Mentally challenged fans/JSOnline.) Make no mistake about it, this guy is one of the douche-y ones. He might be in the Brewers fan Hall of Douche next to Favre jersey guy. Listen, I am all for a good prank. I am all for fucking with Cubs fans. The thing is I am more the kind of guys who says "Hey, Cubs fan. They are giving away free Captain Morgan in section 227" and watching them run like someone threw apples at Forrest Gump. In fact, "my balls" and "other people" has never really been something I was interested in. I hate the flying squirrel, the goat, the bat wing, all of that. It's just not my style and while this dude's friends may have thought it was funny at the time, I can guaran-damn-tee you that about 15 seconds later they realized there was nowhere for their buddy to wash his hands. Then about 2 minutes after that they forgot all about his lack of hand washing and went back to giving him high fives. So, now this dbag is not only spreading his ball sweat amongst Cubs fans he is spreading it among his friends who are then spreading it throughout the stadium as they give high fives to strangers after a Corey Hart home run. Basically, I was at Opening Day and touched this guy's balls. The guy is wearing an old school jersey with a new logo hat, he obviously doesn't have the presence of mind to wash his freaking hands. Do I look like I want to touch his balls? In the original post I was less concerned with showing the video than letting my readers know that this idiot was not me. Clearly, I want nothing to do with the guy's balls.

The thing is, Cubs fan have enough problems at Miller Park. They have to wait in short lines to go to the bathroom, they can't chant "____ field sucks" at eachother, they can actually park at the stadium, it's harder to hit and/or molest girls in the bleachers, they can't drink Old Style and perhaps worst of all, most of their seats aren't obstructed. They don't need someone giving them a ball sweat handshake. More importantly, neither do we.


16
Apr 09

Facebook Contest

We launched this site in early February as a little something fun to do while putting off productivity. Since then we have had over 5,750 pass through the doors in just over two months and the readership continues to grow. This is obviously beyond our wildest expectations for whatever this site could be and we thank everyone for your support. As a way to give back to our readers we are going to be giving away two tickets to the Wednesday May 13 game against the Florida Marlins. These won't be Terrace Reserved tickets, they will be actual good seats. The drawing will be completely random and is open to the first 250 people who become a fan of Miller Park Drunk on facebook. Depending on the turnout we may add a second prize after 250, but for now we'll leave it at this. There is no catch here, just us giving back to our readership. The drawing will take place on May 1 where we will announce the winner in enough time to mail your tickets. Maybe the winner will even get to have a drink with us at the game.

So, like, become a fan already.

(If this game is not good for you or you live outside of Wisconsin we can work something else out, but you have to win before we get to all that.)

UPDATE: Forgot to mention that we are now on Twitter. Do us a favor and promote this contest by tweeting "@MillerParkDrunk Just entered Miller Park Drunk's ticket giveaway http://tinyurl.com/dba27a for 2 free GOOD seats" and follow us.


13
Apr 09

Opening Day: The Movie

Traffic almost ruined my Opening Day. I got up early and left myself plenty of time to get to the park. I guess I underestimated everyone else though because at about 11 o'clock I hit a traffic jam unlike any other. Just 3 miles from Miller Park we were left with little to no hope of making it inside the parking lot. So we improvised and hit a warehouse. My friends even got to ride rickshaws to the game. I hate them. So the Opening Day I envisioned and the following video aren't real close. It is what it is, I was still there and I still had a great time with a great win. #23 never looked so good.

Your collection of drunks is after the jump.

Continue reading →


10
Apr 09

Miller Park Drunk 2009 Opening Day Official Soundtrack

  1. Gonna Fly Now (Theme from Rocky)
  2. Real American (Hulk Hogan's 80's WWF music)
  3. Huey Lewis & The News - Power of Love
  4. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch - Good Vibrations
  5. Bon Jovi - You Give Love A Bad Name
  6. Joe Esposito - You're The Best (Karate Kid song)
  7. Go-Go's - We Got The Beat
  8. Bel Biv Devoe - Poison
  9. Baby Bash ft/T-Pain - Cyclone
  10. Michael Jackson - P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing)
  11. Flo-Rida - In the Ayer
  12. Chicago - Saturday in the Park
  13. Thomas Dolby - She Blinded Me With Science

09
Apr 09

Your final Guide

brewers beer bongSo, here we are. Opening Day. 2009. I think it was the 10th of April. It's pretty hard to mess this day up. Sure, there's a game tonight but that doesn't really matter because tomorrow is Opening Day. Our first chance to smell the smells and drink the beers in the world's greatest outdoor party, Miller Park Opening Day. Sometimes I think there is something wrong with me. I don't want to get laid, I don't want to get rich, I don't want to see Bruce Springsteen, I just want to go to Miller Park and have a good time. That's me, that's my journey and tomorrow I am going to get my wish.

We are going all out this year. Tailgate grill, rolling 10 deep, plenty of beer and for the first time in my life I got my tickets for face value (20 game package, what what). I am stocking everyone with cameras and we are going to do our best to make a short film for the site (we'll see how that works out.) I'll be at the game tomorrow and Saturday, so don't expect many updates. Until then here is a few last minute tips:

  • When listening to music, listen to whatever the hell you like, but do your very best not to include any songs that have lyrics along the lines of "tell me how my dick tastes". I don't want to hear all that.
  • No Zubaz.
  • If you see me and I have run out of beer, give me some beer. Give me some beer even if I do have some actually. It's the least you can do. I'll be in section 127 row 7 seats 1 and 2.
  • If you are going to taunt someone, make sure you know who they are. For example tomorrow's starter is Rich Harden. Rich Harden is a former Oakland A and is known throughout his career to be injury prone. Suggested taunts: "Mark Ellis said he misses showering with you" and "Try not to hurt yourself" (BURN!)
  • Pregame if you run out of beer, don't try to go into one of those tents. Those guys are some real beer nazis.
  • No Zubaz.
  • To all you Catholics, I was just talking to God last night and he said if you eat a brat you will still go to Heaven. Unless you're an asshole then you are still going to hell. Or a Cubs fan.
  • Speaking of Cubs fans, play nice but don't be afraid to tell them to shut the hell up and sit down. The only Geo I want people yelling about is the 92 Geo Metro that is on fire in the parking lot.
  • No gloves.

Hey, did I mention no Zubaz? Seriously, NO ZUBAZ.

Have fun and we'll be back Monday with tales of debauchery and drunken baseball related fun. Don't be afraid to send your own stories either.

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