25
Feb 12

MPD SPECIAL FASHION REPORT: Brewers heels

So this is something that is actually happening in real life right now...

Stephanie: I, as are many of you, am riding high on Braun winning his appeal Thursday and then him absolutely crushing his statement Friday. (Did you guys see his hair? And that navy blue button down jacket thing with all of the pockets? Am I starting to like this new Braun?) But then Vince brought me back down to Earth and by Earth I mean a special Hell on Earth where Milwaukee Brewer themed suede pumps are a thing.

The website reads, “PLEASE BE CERTAIN YOU WANT THESE SHOES BEFORE YOU BUY. Due to demand, these shoes are currently available by Pre-Order ONLY.”

What stupid twats are ordering those fucking things? I love the Brewers with my entire being, but I do not want to wear high heels plastered with blue and yellow to a baseball game (you all know my thoughts on heels at the ballpark by now). Oh and they are suede! SUEDE!! Do you know what beer does to suede?? Well you are gonna find out when you wear them to opening day, dickholes.

I guess, we must now begin to mentally prepare ourselves for the parade of fat chicks we will see waddling into Miller Park wearing these heels with jean skirts this summer.

Vince: These heels are kind of conflicting to me. I mean, not liking the Brewers is like number three on Vince's Oh No-No's List (I learned my lesson on that one (that intro..ugh.)) I need to be with someone who loves this team at least 1/10th as much as I do. A girl wearing these heels would be a good sign that she might be worthy of hanging with vintown. On the other hand, oh my god are you frickin' kidding me? The only people who should own these heels are the kind of people who let their kids dress them before a night out on the town. Pink bra? Sure! White tank top? Sure! Brewers heels? Sure! These girls don't care what they look like, they only care that they are wearing clothes and that those clothes are covering their naughty parts (but not too much, wink wink.)

Actually, you know what, I'm sorry there is one other type of person who would like to own these. Really weird roleplaying sex perverts. If you want your wife/girlfriend to dress up like Ryan Braun on your birthday and play a couple rounds of bat and ball with you, that's your business. Buy these heels and never break up with her because she is ruined for the rest of humanity.

Look, I love the Brewers. LOVE the Brewers and the idea of a down ass bitch wearing her Brewers pride on her sleeve (feet?) is appealing to me, but this is just too far. This isn't Nam. This is fashion. There are rules.


17
Feb 12

MPD answers your fashion questions

Is it still proper to wear my Prince Fielder jerseys to Miller Park? My view is he gave so many great years of his career here, and many memorable moments. Obviously, one of the top Brewers of All-Time. So I say I am ok with wearing them, and I wouldn't pass judgement on others who do the same (but really people, the John Jaha ones have to go). What are your views on this MPD? - John

Is this a joke? Prince Fielder is a Detroit Tiger. The ink on his contract isn't even fresh and you want to honor his contributions to the team? Get a grip. Save that shit til 2020 when they give him a bobblehead and add him to the Walk of Fame.

I think people who think it's okay with wearing the jerseys of people who leave the team (the very next season, no less) are the same kind of people who think it's better to be friends with your ex instead of never talking to them again. What's the point? We got what we wanted out of them, had some good times and then things went south and you moved on. Prince Fielder is a Detroit Tiger, he doesn't love you anymore, it's time to move on. Continue reading →


13
Feb 12

What The Hell Am I Going To Wear To The Game? Female Edition

With opening day vastly approaching we must discuss the topic that plagues women season after season: what the hell am I going to wear to the game? I don’t know about you but the goal of my game day outfit is to (obviously) support the team, look cute and be comfortable enough to do one or seven beer bongs in the parking lot before first pitch. However, from spending many of my summer days at Miller Park I have noticed that not all girls share this thought. Some girls have absolutely no clue what they are doing while others were clearly dropped on their head as a baby, but don't worry it's going to be okay. I’m here to calm your fashion nerves so you are ready for the 2012 baseball season.

There really is a wide range of options you can do for a day or night at the ballpark. Don’t overthink it. Overthinking an outfit will lead to you being very matchy-matchy and having an over styled look. Baseball games are fun and carefree so the clothes you are wearing should be as well.

You know what is not carefree? Wearing a tight dress and heels to the game, the only exception to wearing an outfit like that is being married to a player or being a hooker…or both. But at every game there will be those damn 20-something year old chicks wearing a bandage dress and stilettos. And of course, by that trollop’s side will be her goateed boyfriend wearing a shirsey of some player who was traded in 2006. Naturally, he will also be holding her baseball helmet full of cheese fries so she doesn’t look fat. Don’t be that couple. Please don’t be that couple. Continue reading →


20
Dec 11

Meet the new Milwaukee Brewers infield!

I don't know about you guys, but I am already sick of all this Ryan Braun stuff. Just tell me if he's suspended or not and for how many games if so. That's all I care about. I don't care how or why or who gave him what, all I care is how it affects my watching him. Seriously. (Quick aside: If he does have the herp like everyone seems to think, you should all shut up about it. I guarantee the girl he got it from was worth every cold sore. If you get my drift. WINK NUDGE.) Let's just forget about it for awhile and talk about happier things. (Also, buy the shirt.)

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers are going to look a lot different than the 2011 Milwaukee Brewers, but that doesn't mean they aren't going to still be freakin' awesome. I mean, let's just look at the 2012 infield. We lost/we're losing Prince Fielder, but overall the infield is going to be better than it was last year. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true! The Brewers are going to be better than they were last year without Prince. Believe that.

Let's meet the new and improved Milwaukee Brewers 2012 infield. Continue reading →


06
Oct 11

The Milwaukee Brewers’ Finest Hour

Five days ago I wrote a post titled "NINE" that captured the feelings of a nation. The Brewers were fresh off of two amazing wins in front of a crazy hometown crowd and it felt like they could beat anyone. ESPN and other major websites were writing articles about how the Brewers were "the team nobody wanted to face" and a "World Series favorite." Everything that could go right did and everything that could go wrong didn't. Everything was clicking, everything was perfect and the whole thing just felt amazing. An entire state was on top of the world. At the end of that post I wrote the following:

I am going to try and not get too excited. I'm going to try and not let these two games cloud my vision. I know there is a long way to go. I know these are only two games, but wow... just wow. What a weekend.

Last weekend was awesome, no doubt, but the odds of the Brewers sweeping the playoffs were slim. The odds of them sweeping the Diamondbacks were good, but they weren't a sure thing. A loss in this series was to be expected as the Diamondbacks are a very good baseball team. Two losses, while not ideal, was also a possibility. Losing these games was not the end of the world. Although it certainly does feel that way. Continue reading →