07
Aug 12

I left my wallet in Jean Segura

Jean Segura made his not long awaited debut as a Milwaukee Brewer last night and the results were.. there.

Which is okay. We don't need Jean Segura to come up and hit 50 homeruns this season because 2012 does not matter anymore. 2013 is where it's at and finding out if Jean Segura is our SSOTF (shortstop of the future) is what the Brewers should be spending the rest of the season doing. The Brewers have somehow gotten less production out of the shortstop position this season than they did last year with Yuniesky Betancourt. That doesn't even seem like something that should be possible, but it's true. Improving this position and finding our SSOTF is something that was important to Doug when trading Zack Greinke and hopefully Jean Segura is it. (If not? Yuni is always available.)

Personally? I'm pumped. Scouts see Jean Segura as a second baseman long term, but Segura has other ideas saying "The scouting report always has got something to say. I'm just here to play my game, wherever they put me. I love (playing shortstop). Not too many guys can play shortstop." I like that. It reminds me of the time my guidance counselor told me she thought I would make a "fine Greyhound driver one day." I sure showed her. The difference between Jean Segura: shortstop and Jean Segura: second baseman is a huge one so I really hope that he is able to stick with the position and make it work. The Brewers would be set for a long, long time if that were the case. But, like, no pressure or anything dude. Just go out there and play baseball. Do your best. I believe in you.

Now I realize that I am talking about Jean Segura as if I know everything about him. I don't, but I think I know more than most based on the fact that I read roughly 50o stories about him after the trade and for those of you who aren't crazily obsessed I have created a little FAQ for you. Continue reading →


06
Aug 12

Prime 9: Chillest Brewer Bros

Whenever I'm bored and can't find anything to watch on TV I always switch over to the MLB Network to see what's going on. Most of the time it's just a rerun of the previous night's highlights that gets old in about five minutes, but sometimes they show their original program Prime 9. It's essentially a countdown show that features lots of old footage and talking heads, but the talking heads treat the material with respect and the host isn't annoying. It's usually a fun time.

Unfortunately, it hardly ever features the Brewers and why should it? A list of the 9 greatest World Series moments ever shouldn't include the Milwaukee Brewers nor should the 9 greatest third basemen. As much as I love the Milwaukee Brewers I wouldn't exactly call our history "storied." But that doesn't mean they are without merit. Despite the lack of success I think the Milwaukee Brewers are by far the coolest team to follow in all of the land. The Yankees are like following Berkshire Hathaway, ollowing the Nationals is like following Nickelback and you'd have more fun following the wheelchair kid from Glee after the show ends than following the Cubs.

The Milwaukee Brewers aren't only an awesome baseball team that is going to be awesome again real soon (as soon as this season is over), but they are also a great time. Why? Because the Milwaukee Brewers always have some of the chillest bros in all of baseball on their squad and in honor of those bros we now present to you the 9 Chillest Brewer Bros of all time. Continue reading →


28
Jul 12

Check you later Zack Greinke

Well, the day that we inevitably knew was going to come has come and Zack Greinke is no longer a Milwaukee Brewer. I wish he could have stayed and won the World Series; but the bullpen, luck and the injury bug had other plans. Now he's gone.

It's been a weird run. There were a lot of really great times. I'll never forget the day I found out he was coming to Milwaukee and I invented a dance to go along with it. I was so excited I nearly peed my pants. I was smiling and laughing and dancing. I was so, SO happy. Insanely happy. I even wrote about it:

Greatest moments of my life:

  1. Son being born
  2. Something involving my girlfriend*
  3. Zack Greinke becoming a Brewer

The point here is that I can't imagine what it felt like to want to close this site or to not like baseball anymore because I love this site and baseball and the Brewers more than anything in my life right now. I just want to write, watch and read about the Brewers every second of every day for the rest of my life. The Brewers are going to the World Series and then they are going to win it. We are about to see the greatest Brewers team of our lifetime. Everything that came before will seem like a joke.

Hey, 1982 what a season am I right? Yeah, what a season... FOR LOSERS! 2011 BITCHES!!!!

Besides the World Series and that laughable girlfriend comment, I think I agree with most everything that I said at that time. Last year's team really was the greatest team of my lifetime. They just didn't know how to not pitch Marcum and Narveson in the most important game of the season (I really need to stop doing this) and it ended sooner than it should have. The Zack Greinke trade brought me from a place where I wasn't sure if I still wanted to be in love with baseball and made me be totally in love with it again. I've never wavered again and I'm really glad it worked out how it did. Every fifth day was like a mini-holiday for awhile there. I saw some amazing games at Miller Park with Zack on the mound and it was pretty awesome. I liked it. Continue reading →


25
Feb 12

MPD SPECIAL FASHION REPORT: Brewers heels

So this is something that is actually happening in real life right now...

Stephanie: I, as are many of you, am riding high on Braun winning his appeal Thursday and then him absolutely crushing his statement Friday. (Did you guys see his hair? And that navy blue button down jacket thing with all of the pockets? Am I starting to like this new Braun?) But then Vince brought me back down to Earth and by Earth I mean a special Hell on Earth where Milwaukee Brewer themed suede pumps are a thing.

The website reads, “PLEASE BE CERTAIN YOU WANT THESE SHOES BEFORE YOU BUY. Due to demand, these shoes are currently available by Pre-Order ONLY.”

What stupid twats are ordering those fucking things? I love the Brewers with my entire being, but I do not want to wear high heels plastered with blue and yellow to a baseball game (you all know my thoughts on heels at the ballpark by now). Oh and they are suede! SUEDE!! Do you know what beer does to suede?? Well you are gonna find out when you wear them to opening day, dickholes.

I guess, we must now begin to mentally prepare ourselves for the parade of fat chicks we will see waddling into Miller Park wearing these heels with jean skirts this summer.

Vince: These heels are kind of conflicting to me. I mean, not liking the Brewers is like number three on Vince's Oh No-No's List (I learned my lesson on that one (that intro..ugh.)) I need to be with someone who loves this team at least 1/10th as much as I do. A girl wearing these heels would be a good sign that she might be worthy of hanging with vintown. On the other hand, oh my god are you frickin' kidding me? The only people who should own these heels are the kind of people who let their kids dress them before a night out on the town. Pink bra? Sure! White tank top? Sure! Brewers heels? Sure! These girls don't care what they look like, they only care that they are wearing clothes and that those clothes are covering their naughty parts (but not too much, wink wink.)

Actually, you know what, I'm sorry there is one other type of person who would like to own these. Really weird roleplaying sex perverts. If you want your wife/girlfriend to dress up like Ryan Braun on your birthday and play a couple rounds of bat and ball with you, that's your business. Buy these heels and never break up with her because she is ruined for the rest of humanity.

Look, I love the Brewers. LOVE the Brewers and the idea of a down ass bitch wearing her Brewers pride on her sleeve (feet?) is appealing to me, but this is just too far. This isn't Nam. This is fashion. There are rules.


30
Nov 11

Prince Fielder: Who Needs Him?

The Brewers offseason began a couple of months ago, but in all likelihood it won't really begin until Prince Fielder signs with another team. The players don't believe he will be back, Prince doesn't think he'll be back, the management doesn't really believe he'll be back and deep down you and I know that he won't be back, but still we wait. We wait because there is a chance, no matter how small, that Prince will be back and everything will return to normality. I mean, if nobody offers him a contract he'd have to accept the Brewers offer! That could happen, right? It won't, but it could and until it doesn't happen we will wait.

But why? Why should we wait? Sure, he's been apart of our team for years and he's given us some really great memories, but do we really need him? Do we even want him? Should we even care that Prince Fielder is leaving?

No.

Don't get me wrong, I love Prince Fielder. I would like for Prince Fielder to be a Milwaukee Brewer forever, retire and open a car dealership in Milwaukee where I can overpay for a Ford Fusion with a big number twenty eight on the back. That's what I'd love to happen, but unfortunately we don't live in that world. We live in a world where every dollar spent needs to be held accountable and bring back a certain amount of production. That $/talent/production equation just doesn't work for Prince Fielder because Prince Fielder is not our future and if we're being honest he wasn't our past either.

Because Ryan Braun is all of that. Continue reading →

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