Mr. Brightside says “At least this happened”

Fans April 26th, 2010

Well that sucked. Getting swept is never fun, especially when Miller Park is filled with people cheering for that sweep. Unlike most losses there wasn't really a moment you could point to in any of the three games that they had a chance to win in. They just got beat, badly.

On the bright side this happened:

A spectator fell about 14 feet from the lower level in left field while the Cubs took batting practice about an hour before their game with the Milwaukee Brewers.

The man wearing Cubs gear and believed to be in his 20s was reaching out over the railing down the left field line attempting to catch foul balls on Sunday when he tumbled headfirst over the rail and onto the hard dirt below.

Unfortunately there were no pictures or video taken of the incident. Instead of filling in you in with details and writing all about it, we decided to get lazy and use bad photshopping skills hire an artist to recreate what happened. Enjoy. Read the rest of this entry »

Milwaukee Brewers tattoos

Off-Base March 5th, 2010

Sometimes I get the weird desire to google something and then just see what happens. Sometimes it's sexual in nature like "cat peeing on boobs" and sometimes it's to actually learn something like "what the hell is a milliarcsecond". Other times, times like today I decide to search something that I may be able to use on the site. Today I googled: "brewers tattoo". Here's what I found:

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For the Brewers fan who likes the Brewers, but also likes smoking a ton of pot. Read the rest of this entry »

Why We Don’t Write: Seth McClung

Baseball February 3rd, 2010

A lot of people ask me why we don't update the site as regularly as we used to. Sometimes there will be a post for every day of the week and other times a whole week will go by with nothing. Are we tired of doing the site? Are you too busy? Are we lazy? The truth is that we (why do I always do that? Everyone knows it's only me, but I still call it we all the time. Stupid deadspin.), I don't like to write stuff unless *I* think that it's good. Unless I was the reader and I would enjoy reading it. Sometimes this means that we go a week or more without anything and sometimes that last thing that went up wasn't that good. It's just the way it is. Luckily, I have the luxury to do that because I own my own site and I do this mainly as a hobby. Other people are not so lucky and have to post, whether they feel inclined or not. Luckily for them, they can just post the news and don't really need to be "creative" in their writing. We don't do the news, therefore we can get away with posting sporadically. That's a good rule, I think. People who do the news, should do the news and do it often. People who do the more creative stuff, should do creative stuff and take their time. The problem becomes when the news people try to do the creative stuff because most of the time it doesn't turn out well. Like David Caruso trying to act in movies or Corey Hart trying to pull out.

Take for instance this "poem" by KLSnow of Brew Crew Ball. Now, I like KL Snow. I'm his friend on facebook (not that I've ever commented on anything he posts (I don't really know and/or care about macaroni and cheese recipes or his wiener dog, but that's nothing personal against him. Just the way it is.) and since our inception he has given us a lot of link love (almost 9500 to date), but that poem is bad. Really bad. An EPIC FAIL as the kids would say. Let's read it again, FJM style: Read the rest of this entry »

Orlando Park To Be Named Later Drunk

Miller Park January 25th, 2010

The Brewers are moving to Orlando and I don't know about you guys, but I'm going with them. Think about it. Disney World! Universal Studios! Epcot Center! The Brewers! Throw in Wesley Snipes from Demolition Man a cute girl from my class and it's like my grade school wet dream. I am going to miss all of you, but I think myself and the team will be much happier there. Nice weather, good team, good location. How could this possibly go wrong?

FLASH FORWARD OPENING DAY 2012 Read the rest of this entry »

Gender roles in modern society (the one where we talk about banging a Brewer)

Off-Base January 12th, 2010

I have a question for the male readers of the site. Have you ever been pondering the offseason moves of the Brewers and thought to yourself "I am glad they re-signed Craig Counsell, he's kinda hot"? I mean, everyone has had that conversation with a friend that starts like "I know you're not gay, but..." and you immediately yell out "DONNIE FROM NEW KIDS!", right? And then after having that conversation you continue on to "Okay I know you are totally straight and stuff, but which Brewers player would you have sex with if you had to?" No? You've never had that conversation with one of your buddies? Not even once? Really? Well, I guess I'll just have to tell you about it then because Tyler and I have had that conversation many, many times and we'd like to share one with you. Why? Because we are so totally okay with our sexuality that we don't care who reads it! We don't care if the guys we are writing about making sweet love to us read it, we want them to! So, like, forward this to them. Please.

Vince: Hey Tyler, I've got a question for you that's been bothering me for awhile and I want your opinion on it. If you had to have sex with a member of the Milwaukee Brewers, who would it be? Read the rest of this entry »

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