20
Mar 14

The slow return of Miller Park Drunk

gormandoit

I can think of a lot of reasons that I don't write like I used to. Here's a few of them:

  • They haven't really been that fun.
  • I think the front office still thinks it's 2011.
  • Even though I think that I fail to latch onto new stars like Gomez or Segura in a significant way despite the fact that they are proof that I am wrong about that last thing.
  • Ryan Braun made me feel like a fucking dick for defending him. He's still the best player and I'm glad he can help his win (and I still don't really give a shit about steroids and think the world would be a better place if they were legal), but he's a douchebag. Which is funny because we made our bones calling him a douchebag. I should have known.
  • The pitching.
  • Rickie Weeks, my favorite guy, is kinda what people say about him now.
  • The front office doesn't really jive with my own feelings about what a baseball front office should be and they aren't winning so I feel like they are outdated and wrong. Whether this is real or not (it probably isn't), it still has bearing on how I enjoy the baseball team.
  • The stupidity of baseball, the corporate office that controls things.
  • The Brewers, despite being the hometown nine, are still just another corporation out to rob us of every cent we have. (See: the dog, Hank)
  • I've been really into wrestling. Which is funny because it pisses me off and makes me love/hate it just as much as the Brewers do. I'm flying to New Orleans in two weeks for WrestleMania and all I can think about is how awful it will be.
  • I really don't get why they keep bringing back K-Rod. He's a good pitcher who is the worst pitcher ever for a few games at a time. That's one thing, but my real issue is that he's a guy with some not so good stuff towards women on his resume and I have a hard time reconciling that with my feminist nature. There are a lot of guys who can get a bunch of saves, blow a bunch of games and then get a few more saves without having a history of being a dick. Just because the woman you hit fled to Venezuela doesn't mean you didn't hit a woman. In short, fuck him.
  • The stupidity of baseball, the business that makes things unfair for teams like the Brewers.
  • The inevitability that no matter what we do, who we draft, who we sign, what dogs we save, who the GM is, who the owner is, what the cost of beer is or how healthy the economy is; that we will never be as consistently great as the Cardinals. They will always find a way to win through some combination of knowing what they are doing and devil's magic. We will have great seasons, but we will never be them. It is the absolute worst and it is the toughest, most disgusting pill to swallow.
  • The stupidity of baseball, the sport that is so dependent on the quality of pitching when pitching is the hardest thing to acquire, predict and keep healthy. Nine Ryan Brauns are no match for one Pedro Martinez and no cure for one Jeff Suppan.
  • And on and on. (And on.)

But if I had to sum up my lack of writing about the Brewers in one easy to read statement it would be this one:

The Brewers have made multiple moves, Braun is back and they might be good, but the only thing I have really paid attention to is a homeless dog.

Yep, that about sums it up. Continue reading →


24
Aug 13

Fans React to A Letter From Ryan Braun

Letter to the fans of the Milwaukee Brewers:

I have always been very grateful for the privilege of playing baseball in the great city of Milwaukee.

diswank

I am so sorry for letting you down by being in denial for so long and not telling the whole truth about what happened.

braunjudy

I am ashamed and extremely embarrassed by the decisions I made. There are no excuses for what I did and I take full responsibility for my actions.

braunmchale

I apologize to all Brewers fans for disappointing you.

braunpotter

I came forward because I knew it was time for me to tell the truth and accept my punishment.

braunbryan

I understand I have abused your trust and that of our great owner Mark Attanasio and the entire Brewers organization.

braundog

Admitting my mistakes and asking for your forgiveness are the first steps in what I know will be a lengthy process to prove myself to you again.

braunduhhhhh

It is an honor to represent the people of Wisconsin by wearing a Brewers uniform.

braunpunk

I want all of you to know how much I have appreciated the support I've received from so many of you throughout my years with the organization.

braunhills

I will continue to work on improving myself and making amends for what I have done.

braunfingerbang

I am deeply sorry for my actions and I apologize to everyone I have let down. I am committed to doing everything I can to earn back your trust and support.

braundietcokegrl

Sincerely,

Ryan Braun

braunshrug


04
Oct 12

One sixty two and 131

I don't know why exactly, but I liked the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers more than I liked the 2011 Brewers. I can't explain it.

The success of last season probably helped, I believe they could do it more this year because they almost did it last year. They should have done it last year, so they will do it this year. That was the logic at least. I'm sure Ryan Braun's ordeal had something to do with it too. I've always liked Ryan Braun as a baseball player, but the offseason really made me defensive over him as a person. When someone says "u kno braun failed that test cuz he had dat herp rite dude?" it pisses me off. SHUT THE HELL UP, I say. ("but d00d i kno this chick and she like has it too and she boned him" they'll say, but I won't listen because people who know people who openly, almost proudly say that they have STDs and brag about having sex with celebrities are not to be trusted. They are frickin' nutso.) He said he didn't, we should believe him. He said he didn't do anything wrong, we should believe him. He was cleared of the charges, we should drop it. ET CETERA. Plus, the general newness of the roster probably helped a lot too. Everybody likes playing with new toys. Japanese outfielder? I always wanted one of those! Thanks mom!

Whatever the reason I liked this team a lot. A lot, a lot and they repaid me by breaking my heart. Thanks for that one guys. Continue reading →


06
Aug 12

Prime 9: Chillest Brewer Bros

Whenever I'm bored and can't find anything to watch on TV I always switch over to the MLB Network to see what's going on. Most of the time it's just a rerun of the previous night's highlights that gets old in about five minutes, but sometimes they show their original program Prime 9. It's essentially a countdown show that features lots of old footage and talking heads, but the talking heads treat the material with respect and the host isn't annoying. It's usually a fun time.

Unfortunately, it hardly ever features the Brewers and why should it? A list of the 9 greatest World Series moments ever shouldn't include the Milwaukee Brewers nor should the 9 greatest third basemen. As much as I love the Milwaukee Brewers I wouldn't exactly call our history "storied." But that doesn't mean they are without merit. Despite the lack of success I think the Milwaukee Brewers are by far the coolest team to follow in all of the land. The Yankees are like following Berkshire Hathaway, ollowing the Nationals is like following Nickelback and you'd have more fun following the wheelchair kid from Glee after the show ends than following the Cubs.

The Milwaukee Brewers aren't only an awesome baseball team that is going to be awesome again real soon (as soon as this season is over), but they are also a great time. Why? Because the Milwaukee Brewers always have some of the chillest bros in all of baseball on their squad and in honor of those bros we now present to you the 9 Chillest Brewer Bros of all time. Continue reading →


25
Jul 12

RIP 2012 Milwaukee Brewers

Well, the improbable has become the basically impossible and I am throwing in the towel on the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers playoff hopes. Notice I said playoff hopes and not the team itself? Yeah, that's how you do it. There is a lot of summer left with basically nothing to do so watching the Brewers is still going to be one of the cornerstones of my life until the season is over. I will still want them to win baseball games because watching my favorite baseball team win games is fun for me. I've never understood why some people take on the opinion that once a team is eliminated from the playoffs they should lose every game for the rest of the season to improve their draft pick. What fun is that? You people watch too much basketball. I'm not saying the Brewers should be adding pieces or not doing trades to improve themselves for the future, but if Yovani Gallardo is pitching and Ryan Braun is hitting then that can be a fun team to watch. You should want those guys to win especially if you, you know, have tickets to a game and want to have a good time. This isn't rocket science. This is rocket science:

It's okay to still like a baseball team that isn't going to the playoffs. If you don't agree just watch the Packers practice in sweatpants or whatever.

I really had high hopes for the 2012 Milwaukee Brewers and there has been nothing that happened this season to make me doubt those high hopes. Things simply didn't go their way. Their shortstop got hurt, their bullpen wasn't that good which was exacerbated by the fact that some of their better arms had to fill in for injured starting pitchers, a handful of players decided not to show up in April, John Axford had his wisdom teeth pulled and decided it would be fun to pitch like he was still in the middle of surgery and luck never once felt like it was on the Brewers side. A few breaks the other way and this team is right in the thick of it, but if I start agonizing over "what ifs" now I might start crying. WHAT IF ROENICKE DIDN'T GO MARCUM THEN NARVESON IN GAME 6 GUYS!? WHAT IF HE USED BEST RELIEVERS INSTEAD!? WHAT IF!?

/looks at unused NLCS game 7 ticket
/cries

Continue reading →

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