08
Apr 12

Milwaukee Brewers complete three game series

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers season is here and it started with a bang!

No, that won't work.

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers season is here and the Brewers have come out swingin'!

No, no, that won't work either.

The 2012 Milwaukee Brewers season is here and... yeah, it's here.

The excitement surrounding Opening Day was arguably at an all-time high. Fresh off a division championship and a playoff run that saw them fall just two wins shy of the World Series, the Brewers were set to capture the hearts and minds of Milwaukee again. The roster was different, but in a lot of ways it was better and the expectations were at an all-time high. The Brewers walked into Opening Day with their heads held high and the fans eating out of the palms of their hands. Each and every one of them filled with excitement and ready to begin their quest towards that elusive World Series. The wait was over. The time was now. The second largest crowd in Miller Park history was in attendance for the biggest Opening Day in Brewers history.

They lost 11-5 to the Cardinals. Continue reading →


05
Apr 12

Miller Park Drunk’s Milwaukee Brewers Season Preview Hashtag Opening Day

Opening Day is here.

I guess this means it's time for me to stop being a baby and get over the way last season ended. This would be easy if it wasn't for the ___ ____Cardinals winning the ___ ____ World _______ Series and then (and then!) watching them open the season by winning without one of the greatest hitters (and __holes of all time) or their ___hole manager. The Cardinals are in first place right now and that is honestly the last thing I want to hear right now. I'd even rank it ahead of "I'm pregnant" and "Your herpes seemed to have evolved into some sort of super herpes." The Cardinals winning last night was a bigger downer than Daniel Bryan losing in 18 seconds, but....

It's a new season. A new day. Yesterday doesn't matter. Last season is nothing, but a page in the history books because the only thing that matters now is now because we can't change the past. Marty and Doc can't go back in time and make Shaun Marcum go on the DL before game 6. The only thing we can do in this life is move on from our past mistakes and do the very best we can in our present and future. That's why I stopped drinking vodka-Red Bulls. Yesterday is gone, the future is now and guess what? The Brewers are going to be pretty freakin' awesome this year. Our future is looking bright. So bright I gotta wear shades. Continue reading →


29
Mar 12

Are We There Yet?

I love baseball, but I hate spring training.

To a lot of people baseball begins when the pitchers and catchers report to spring training. Some people even make the pilgrimage down to Arizona to watch the games. Other people like to post play-by-play of every spring training "game" on twitter like it's game six of the World Series. I am not one of these people. (Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging these people. Baseball season doesn't start for me until after Wrestlemania so who the hell am I to talk?)

The thing about spring training is that it's not really baseball. In baseball there are two teams that want to win that each make strategic moves in an attempt to make that goal a reality. In spring training there are a few guys who want to do good because this might be their only chance to impress, a few guys who waited to long to get into shape, a few guys who want to get laid by some MILFs in the stands and the rest of the team just wants it to be over with already. And you know those guys that you want to see? The stars? The good players? They are in the last two categories, not the first two. I love the Milwaukee Brewers, but watching them play spring training is the absolute worst. I'd rather watch a Batman themed gay porn with Alfred and Robin doing bondage.

(I am going to get so many weird Google search hits from that line.)

Continue reading →


08
Mar 12

The Brewer Games

Much like everyone else in the world I recently read Suzanne Collins' hit novel The Hunger Games. It was a pretty good read, quite the page turner actually, and I am excited to see the movie. (Woody Harrelson as Haymitch and Lenny Kravitz as Cinna is seriously inspired casting. And I'd like to give Jennifer Lawrence a Winter's Bone. #ifyouknowwhatimean) The ending left a little bit to be desired, but whatever. I'll probably read the sequels. Katniss is a badass, yo.

Now you may be wondering why I am talking about a YA novel that is soon to be a major motion picture on a Milwaukee Brewers blog. Shouldn't we be talking about spring training or something? Well, first of all I'd like to ask: is this your first time reading this site? Just be happy we're not writing about outfits. Second of all, spring training is borrrriiiiinnnnnggggggg. Thirdly, the book got me thinking about the Milwaukee Brewers and their own killing tendencies.

You see inĀ The Hunger Games there is a tournament with 24 entrants and they must all fight to the death in order to win. The Milwaukee Brewers have 25 roster spots. 25 and 24 are only one number apart! The Hunger Games is filled with a bunch of people with weird names (Katniss, Peeta, Cinna) and so are the Brewers (Norichika, Yovani, "Ryan".) Baseball is a sport and The Hunger Games is like a sporting event. The parallels between this book and the Brewers are endless! (Okay maybe not, but roll with me here.) There are so many similarities between these two things that the question needs to be asked: Who would win the Hunger Games if it only consisted of players on the Brewers 25 man roster? Let's find out. Continue reading →


24
Jan 12

Prince Fielder signs with the Detroit Tigers

Well here it is. The day we always knew would arrive has finally come and Prince Fielder is officially no longer a member of the Milwaukee Brewers. Some held out hope that the Brewers still had a chance and that the lack of big offers coming in early meant that he'd accept the Brewers original 5 year offer. It was a nice dream, but a dream that ultimately would never come to fruition. The Brewers made their pitch, Scott Boras didn't think it was good enough and that was that. We moved on, signed other guys and played the waiting game on Prince. We waited and waited and waited some more. We waited so long that we started saying things like "Maybe Prince will decide to be a free agent next year instead and come back on a 1-year deal!" We convinced ourselves that there wasn't an offer over 6 years out there and if that was all there was then we could match it, we could get Prince back! With Prince Fielder coming back the Brewers would be better than last year, heck, they'd be better than ever!

And then Prince Fielder signed a 9 year two-hundred-and-fourteen million dollar deal with Detroit.

I won't get too into the place where Prince Fielder decided to sign too much because who cares, but I will say this: it was about the money. It wasn't about playing first base because the Tigers already have a first baseman (who could move to thrid and be bad) and a catcher (who should probably move to first in the next couple years.) He'll be a DH in a year tops. It wasn't about winning (even though they are a lock for the AL Central for at least the next two years) because they are still in the AL and have to go through Boston and/or New York to get to the World Series. It wasn't about family because the chances of his family getting shot/hooked on drugs/turned out just went up about 5000%.

The reason Prince Fielder is a Detroit Tiger is because of the money and that's pretty much the only reason he is a Detroit Tiger. This isn't a bad thing. If someone is going to offer that to him he deserves it and he should take it. The Brewers certainly weren't going to (and thank god for that.) Good for you Prince. Get that money dog. I wish someone would pay me $214 dollars to write this site for the next nine years. I can't imagine what I'd do if you added six zeroes after that. That being said, Detroit? Really?

(While we're here how the hell does Detroit have the money to offer contracts like this? The population has dropped 25% in the last decade, the auto industry is a thing of the past and the city itself is going bankrupt. If I owned that team I'd be less concerned with Prince Fielder and more concerned with getting the hell out of Detroit.)

But enough about that, let's talk about Prince Fielder in Milwaukee. Continue reading →