In case you haven't heard the Brewers have added a new service for fans to report people behaving badly. All you have to do is text them and they'll take care of it. I think this is a great service and would hate to see it abused by some fans. That's why we're here with...
YOUR GUIDE TO TEXTING THE MILWAUKEE BREWERS
When texting the Brewers, please spell everything correctly. "drnk n 125 no sht on yllng" will get you nowhere.
Don't use the texting service as a way to get in touch with Brewers players. "JJ: 36/24/36, call me 414xxxxxxx" will not be accepted.
No lols. This one hurts me, but it's true. We can't have lols in texts. So "dude just punched out cub fan in rf lol!" isn't going to cut it. Sorry.
No texting after 2AM. Nothing good ever happens after 2AM.
If you see The Happy Youngster feel free to make something up about him and text it.
I'm pretty interested to see how this turns out. It could easily turn into a case of he said/she said and there are a lot of people out there who are simply too easily offended. The only thing I'll say about it for now is this: use it to your advantage, get The Happy Youngster thrown out of games.
Surely, by now you have heard the story about the Brewers fan catching Chris Coghlan's first career home run ball and then holding it for "ransom". If you haven't here's a quick rundown of it.
Coghlan's home run was caught Wednesday night by a Milwaukee Brewers fan who refers to himself as "The Happy Youngster" and claims on his blog to have caught nearly 50 homers.
And while Coghlan said the fan was willing to give the ball back, the man's original asking price was a lot higher than the Marlins rookie outfielder anticipated.
"He wasn't the most polite or respectful guy about the whole process," Coghlan said Thursday. "He told me he goes around a lot and catches these balls and holds them for ransom — even though he doesn't say that he does, it seems that way."
Sounds like a real winner, right? I guess there is a part of me that can admire someone who wants to get game balls. If a ball is hit to my area, I go for it. At the same time, I don't wear a glove. Why? Because I am not 12 years old. I have never caught a ball in my life so maybe I SHOULD wear a glove so that I can position myself and be ready. Maybe I should quit tailgating and show up inside for batting practice. Maybe I should start wearing the opposing team's hat and jersey to the games so that they will see me as a fan of them and throw me balls. Hey, maybe I should stop going to games to watch baseball and have fun. Maybe I should just go to them strictly to get balls, then I could have thousands of balls and I could hang out with other people who don't even really like baseball! Then me and my new ballhawking friends could go to spring training and I could make a diving catch that I didn't really even need to dive for to add to my pathetic collection so that I could be on SportsCenter! Then I could start a blog and write about how much a frickin' loser I am! Then I could meet a nice girl and settle down, well settle down as in get laid for once in my life, train her to be as pathetic as I am and have a kid who I will pass my douchebaggery gene onto!
Or maybe I could continue how I am going and continue to be a real fan of the baseball team that I like. Go to games to watch them and not to make myself into some sort of pseudo-celebrity. I think Al said it best when he said "Again, this "fan" simply embarrasses all Brewers' fans, not to mention all police officers and, well, all human beings." It's a complete joke, yet this is the world we live in. People think they are entitled to things just because they bothered to show up. Good for you, you caught this guy's home run ball. You don't deserve anything for it. If I am your dentist do I keep your daughter's first tooth? When you ask someone to take a picture of you and your friends, do they ask you what will you give them for it? If you found someone's lost dog, would you ask them for two puppies and a kitten to give it back? Absolutely not. It's called basic human decency. The odds of being a professional baseball player are pretty slim, the odds of getting to play in the Majors are slimmer and to hit your first career home run is basically the culmination of a lifelong dream. He might never hit another home run, he could get beaned tomorrow and never play baseball again. You don't know, anything could happen. To give up this ball, that is worth basically nothing in the real world to anyone but him, should be an honor and a pleasure. Instead, it's a negotiation about what you think you DESERVE for being in the right place at the right time. F. U.
Here's what I think everyone should do when they see this guy. Report him. If you read his blog it's clear that he is often not in the seats he is supposed to be in. So when you see him, tell the usher to check his ticket. When he does his "ball trick" in the bullpen? Tell someone. You're not supposed to be doing it. I have absolutely no problem with getting people thrown out of a game if they are a douchebag and it's pretty clear to me that this is the biggest douchebag at Miller Park (even when the Cubs are in town.) So screw him, get him out of there. The last thing you want as a fan is someone making you look bad. This guy makes us look bad just by waking up in the morning.
To summarize - I don't like this guy. I don't like his kind. Ballhawks, to me, are the worst kind of fans. They are a joke, but do you know what pisses me off more than ballhawks? This girl.
Here I am writing a beloved blog for all the true fans touching on the hot topics of the day. Making people laugh, making people think, making people talk and most of all helping people enjoy the life of being a Brewers fan. Yet, the guy who goes to game and collects balls is the one selling t-shirts to attractive 20-something med students? Are you kidding me? THAT guy is making money off being a Brewers fan? The guy who wears different team apparel to every game? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?
Yesterday Tom "I hate my job" Haudricourt did a chat at JSOnline. He answered a lot of questions, but he didn't have time for all of them. Luckily, Tom H and I are tight (we listen to goth music together) and he allowed me to put the questions and his answers that they didn't have time for right here on Miller Park Drunk!
Q: mary anne, milwaukee - tom are you on facebook, myspace or twitter? A: Tom Haudricourt - Why don't you check out my FaceBook profile and find out? Oh that's right I am not an idiot like you who uses FaceBook or MYspace. Go tweet yourself. Q:milwaukee fan - You are an awesome writer and I love Tony as well. Just a quick question: what color is the sky? A: Tom Haudricourt - Thanks so much. We do our best around here, we like to think of ourselves as the Woodward and Berninstein of Milwaukee. To answer your question: depends what day. Q:Mark, Eau Claire - Tom: I was wondering if you could tell me how Braun's first three years thus far compare to some of the other great baseball players. It seems like he's right up there with Pujols and other legends. A: Tom Haudricourt - I have neither the time or the desire to research such things.
Q: miranda, appleton - tom are you single? A: Tom Haudricourt -That's really none of your business, but if I was I wouldn't date some loser Brewers fan who reads my chats. Q:Jack, New Berlin - Tom, I love the Brewers and I love going to Miller Park but the coverage that you and Tony deliver is beyond atrocious. I now get all of my Brewers information from blogs even though I'd prefer it from the JSOnline. Is there any chance of your editors realizing how bad you are and replacing you with better reporters? Or will the JS continue to stick it's head in the sand and act like everything is alright? A: Tom Haudricourt - I'm glad they let you use the internet at the school for the mentally challenged, retard. Maybe if you knew anything you'd know that I am the best this stupid city will ever have. Q: brewcrew4eva- Tom I hate Ryan Braun, Rickie Weeks, Mike Cameron, Prince Fielder and Yovanni Gallardo. Is there anyway the team can just clone Corey Hart and Craig Counsell and have them play every position? A: Tom Haudricourt - No, but there is probably about 100 different ways you can kill yourself. Go try a few. Q:Jack, New Berlin - Hey Tom me again. How do you think the Brewers will handle Capuano's return from the DL? Julio seems sure to go, but Cap is most valuable as a starter I'd think. A: Tom Haudricourt - Go f yourself. Q:Bill, La Crosse - Non Brewers question: Do you think the Cubs will turn it around and start being the team people thought they'd be in the preseason? Also, will the Dodgers still be good without Manny? A: Tom Haudricourt - I'm paid to cover the Brewers, not the rest of baseball. Please don't waste everyone's time with this. Okay, that about wraps it up. It's not like I'm getting paid by the hour here. See you guys at the ballpark. (Actually, I won't because I'll be in the press box and you'll be in the upper deck.)
The Cubs enter Miller Park this weekend for a three game series. The two teams sit one game apart the Cubs are 16-12 and the Brewers are 16-13. Based on play thus far this season the Brewers have a 27% chance of making the playoffs while the Cubs have a 24% chance according to BP Playoff Odds. Now, if you get down into the numbers if the Brewers were to sweep the Cubs this weekend they'd be at 19-13 and probably above 30% to make the playoffs while the Cubs would see a serious dropoff. The reverse would also be true. So, the question becomes: does this series matter?
No. It doesn't.
If we have a repeat of last season where the Cubs sweep the Brewers in Miller Park it means absolutely nothing in the long run of the season. They'll be a .500 team with a higher amount of runs scored than runs allowed. The future will still be bright, we'll still have to wear shades.
Do I want the Brewers to win? Of course. That's a stupid question, damn you for asking it... myself. The point is the sky doesn't fall if they don't. They are still talented and on a good pace this season. That beind said, I really hope they win this series. I don't expect this weekend to be like April, I fully expect more Cubs fans than Brewers fans. And that's fine. Just remember what I said about booing and giving back the douche. Now's your time to shine Milwaukee.
I'm off for the weekend, not catching any games til Tuesday as I want to spend some time with my son. He's getting to the age where I can fully explain to him why he shouldn't wear Affliction shirts, call women whores, live in Illinois or boo. That's about 1 and a half right? Have fun out there.