Making sense of John Axford

milwaukee brewers July 19th, 2012

JOHN AXFORD IS THE WORST PITCHER EVER AND I HATE HIM AND IF IT WASN'T FOR HIM AND HIS STUPID BLOWN SAVES WE WOULD PROBABLY BE IN FIRST PLACE AND BE BIG TIME BUYERS AT THE TRADE DEADLINE LIKE WE'D PROBABLY GET PRINCE BACK AND COLE HAMELS AND PAUL MOLITOR AND JESUS AND BATMAN AND A NEW MANAGER WHO COULD PROBABLY JUST BE BATMANS BUTLER ALFRED BECAUSE HE SEEMS REALLY SMART. MAN CAN YOU GUYS BELIEVE THAT ROBIN DIED IN DARK KNIGHT RISES? ANYWAYS IF IT WASNT FOR STUPID AXFORD PULLING A derrick turnbow THEN WE'D PROBABLY HAVE ALL THOSE GUYS AND JOSH HAMILTON TOO AND THEN WIN LIKE A MILLION WORLD SERIES. WE COULD HAVE LIKE REALLY COOL COMMERCIALS WITH AARON RODGERS AND RYAN BRAUN BEING LIKE YO CHECK OUT MY RING DUDE, NO YOU CHECK OUT MY RING DUDE LOL. THE POINT IS I HATE JOHN AXFORD AND HIS STUPID MUSTACHE AND I HOPE HE FALLS OFF A BRIDGE INTO A MILLION GALLONS OF WATER THAT IS ON FIRE AND IT BURNS HIS HAIR OFF BECAUSE HE NEEDS TO CUT IT OFF ANYWAYS BECAUSE IT ANNOYS ME WHEN HE IS ON TV BLOWING A SAVE AND I DON'T WANT TO SEE HIM PITCH EVER EVER AGAIN.

HE WAS COOL LAST YEAR THO.

I don't know maybe I'm just defensive about people who overreact to things, but that's how everyone sounds to me when they talk about John Axford. Crazy, irrational, stupid; basically like any girl who has ever dated me for over three months.

Not that a lot of the vitriol towards John Axford is undeserved. He hasn't really done his job all that well this season. He's had trouble locating his pitches which leads to walks and bad counts which lead to big homeruns. It's not been a real fun time to be John Axford this season and he knows it, just like you know that watching John Axford has not been very fun. But has he really been that bad? Read the rest of this entry »

John Axford: Filmmaker

milwaukee brewers February 27th, 2012

Fans of John Axford may know that he is quite the film buff. On twitter this weekend he had a lot to say about the Oscars and correctly picked 11 out of 13 winners. He majored in film in college at Notre Dame and even shot his own 16MM film with some friends while they were there. His love affair with film doesn't stop there either. In an interview with Adam McCalvy, John said that he has "lots of stories" in his head and foresees himself taking a shot at film in the future.

What you may not know is that John Axford has already started preparing for his post-baseball career in Hollywood. In fact, we have recently acquired a few pages from John Axford's spec script that he has been working on during the offseason. I can't 100% confirm it's validity, but it was sent to me by someone who identified themselves to me as "one of johns bros from notre dam bro" so I think it's pretty legit.

Read the rest of this entry »

Welcome to Miller Park Drunk Fashion Week

FASHION WEEK February 13th, 2012

One of the funniest things about the "Brewers blog scene" is the way everyone becomes completely obsessed with the little things that don't matter (John Axford's mustache, Ryan Braun's hair, Nyjer Morgan in general) and the way it really pisses some people off. I understand both points, although I admit I don't really understand them at times, but I do feel like I get them. Ryan Braun's hair is a thing that needs to be talked about (because seriously, what the heck?), but does it need to be talked about by the guys who I go to for my sabermetric analysis? Sometimes you just want the numbers, you know? Save the Nyjer talk for the bar.

This is why I have always tried to avoid labeling this site or being too numbers-y. When we write about mustaches we don't want it to make anyone mad. That's just not who I am or what I want my site to be. The goal of this site has always been to be a site that Brewers fans find entertaining. We write about the Brewers a lot, but we're not trying to be. We're trying to be a site for Brewers fans. We want to make you laugh, make you think (we're cool) and just be a fun site to read. Maybe sometimes we don't update for a month, but that's because we don't want to be un-entertaining. We like to cover what you're thinking about and when we're not doing that we just want to entertain.

My point is this: some sites talk about Nyjer Morgan/Ryan Braun's hair/John Axford's mustache/Corey Hart's tattoos and it doesn't fit, but at this site we don't have that problem. We can talk about those things and it fits because that's just what we do and have always done. So before the season gets started we wanted to take a week to celebrate that kind of talk before the actual playing of the baseball takes over our lives. We want to make fun of the way Ryan Braun dresses, talk about how you dress and take a closer look at some of the Brewers' wives. It's what we do. I think you'll like it. Have we ever let you down before?

Now let's meet the boys and girl who will be guiding you through this week of dresses, handbags, two button suits and Ryan Braun. Read the rest of this entry »

F Christmas, it’s my frickin’ birthday!

Off-Base December 18th, 2009

Monday is my birthday, that's right I am one of the very lucky people to be born during the week of Christmas. I know, it's crazy right!? I didn't even know it was possible for people to be born around Christmas! (I've only had people make that observation about 15,000 times in my life and believe me it never gets old. How unlucky could I be!) I have spent the majority of my life having my birthday overlooked. My friends could never come to my birthday party because of "holiday commitments" or I would always get the dreaded birthday-slash-Christmas present which, honestly, makes you feel like a second class human being. You see these other people are worth two separate gifts, one for their birthday and one for Christmas, but you? You, you little bastard, are only worth one gift combined! Honestly, you have no idea how much we love your brothers more than you! You couldn't even imagine how much we don't love you, but trust us it's A LOT! We're getting divorced and it's all your fault! Y0u think I'm kidding? I can only remember one Christmas in my lifetime that I got separate birthday and Christmas gifts. For my birthday, Super Mario World for Super Nintendo! For Christmas? A Super Nintendo! That's right, I had to wait FOUR DAYS to play with my birthday gift. Thanks a lot, mom and dad.

Lest you think I am bitter, I have figured out how to move past this and start loving my birthday again. No, I didn't convert to Buddhism. (Those people don't celebrate shit.) I just figured out how to make it work and here's how I did it. Call it:

Drinking Heavily Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love My Birthday Read the rest of this entry »

The celebrity roast of Doug Melvin

Baseball September 21st, 2009

There is a lot of talk about Doug Melvin these days. Whether it's his bobblehead day, the Fire Doug Melvin blog or Mark A's recent comments about him. Everyone has an opinion on Doug Melvin, he is a hot item right now. Whether or not he is to blame for what happened this season is up for discussion (I say no), but he is our GM and he's pretty good at what he does. He's important to this team's future. Now I've been watching TV all of my life and I know there is only one true way to honor those who are important to you and that's with a roast.

So join a calvacade of stars as they roast Brewers General Manager Doug Melvin live from the Pabst Theater(!) after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

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