We make the case to Roy Halladay

Baseball July 8th, 2009

royhalladayRoy Halladay was more or less put on the trade block this week. Trading for Roy Halladay would definitely shut Braun up and fulfill the dreams of many fans. The Brewers would basically trade for the best pitcher available, one of the top 5 pitchers in baseball, two years in a row. There is no way they can do this without it having a serious effect on the future of the team. Does that mean they shouldn't do it? That's hard to say. With Halladay locked up for next year too, we immediately become contenders this year and next. Make no mistake about it, this would be as close as we'll ever get to trading for CC two years in a row. This trade is like that last shot you take at bar time. It's AWESOME and it might get you laid, but holy cow you will regret it later.

Me? I love Roy Halladay. He's been one of my favorite pitchers since I had him in fantasy baseball three years ago. ERA+ isn't a perfect stat, but Halladay hasn't been below average since the year 2000. He's been an above average starter since before Miller Park opened, think about that. He is crazy, crazy good. NINE COMPLETE GAMES! Plus, I love doing things that are mind blowingly awesome that end up coming back to haunt you later. That's why I have a kid.

But as Rob Base has taught us, it takes two. Halladay has a no-trade clause and he'd have to be convinced to come to Milwaukee, but we think we can take care of that for you. Read the rest of this entry »

Cliff Lee says please for the love of god do not trade for me

Baseball June 24th, 2009

It seems that these trade candidates can't stop talking about the Brewers. Jarrod Washburn, Doug Davis and Erik Bedard all made their case. Now, Cliff Lee wants a chance to talk.

Cliff Lee

Last season I had the best season of my entire career. I led the league in wins, ERA, ERA+ and won the Cy Young award. My ERA was 2.54. I was pretty lights out, but honestly I was pitching out of my mind.

Last year the Brewers were pretty good and they made a trade for my teammates CC Sabathia. After becoming a Brewer he pitched even better than I did last season posting a 1.65 ERA. He was basically the greatest pitcher in the history of all time (as a Brewer) last season.

With those things in mind I just want to ask you one favor: Please, for the love of GOD, don't trade for me. Seriously, don't. Please, please, please, please don't.

If I was a Brewer everyone would immediately expect me to perform like CC did last year. I can't do it. I can't throw 7 complete games and 3 shutouts in only 17 starts. Are you nuts? That's insane! Who could do that? Did you know that two seasons ago I got sent down to the minors? I was 28 years old! What kind of 28 year old gets sent down to the minors? A bad one, that's who. Trust me, I'm damaged goods. I don't even have a cool sounding name. Cliff Lee, that name sounds like an alcoholic furniture salesman. God, my name is so lame. You won't even be able to come up with clever signs, "Cliff Lee ya later"? STUPID! I am so lame.

Look, I want to show you something.

cliff lee's family

That's my family right there. (Yes, that's my wife. Yes, I know she looks 14. Yes, I named my son Jaxon. No, I don't have a good excuse at to why.) Look at those kids. Cute, right? You want them to have a good life don't you? I'm going to be a free agent soon. My next contract is likely going to be my last contract. My last shot to make the kind of money that they never have to worry about anything again. If I go to the Brewers, it could all fall apart. I could crack under the pressure and end up a non-roster invitee to the Pirates. Do you think those kids want to live in Pittsburgh? Nobody does. Give these kids a chance at a better life and don't trade for me. You won't regret it. I suck. It's like my manager Eric Wedge always says "I coached CC Sabathia, I knew CC Sabathia. CC Sabathia was a friend of mine and you sir are no CC Sabathia." You don't want me, you want him and I can't be him. So let's just forget this whole thing, okay?

It's not like you guys could afford me anyways.

How to start a fire in a charcoal grill

Food June 5th, 2009

drunk-guy-passed-outA few weeks ago I went to the Brewers game with some friends from work. One of the girls I work with brought her boyfriend who brought his grill. My original thinking when I saw this was "sweet, now I can just drink and mess around while this dude cooks." However, after about five minutes I realized this dude had no idea what he was doing. It was a mess. Pouring the lighter fluid on the coals without removing the cooking surface, rearranging the coals once it was starting to go, covering the top completely. It was a mess and I just couldn't believe that someone wouldn't know this. It drove me nuts. So I guided him along and when everything was all said and done we all enjoyed some lighter fluid tasting burgers. Hooray.

Here's the thing, I don't want to do this again. It wasn't fun. I don't want to have to show people how to do these things. This is something that people of a certain age should know. I don't know how to clean a fish. It's embarassing, but it's true. It's embarassing because I should know how to do it. Before the next time I go fishing, I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to go on google and figure it out and then when I'm out there doing it wrong and my friend says something to me I can say "oh man, it's been awhile" and play it off. That's what this is for you, dude that doesn't know how to start a grill. Try to remember what you can and when you screw it up and someone says something to you, you can just go "oh man, first tailgate of the year" and everything will be all good.

  • First of all, if you don't know what you are doing buy the self-starting coals. A piece of paper, some matches and you're done.
  • TAKE THE GRILL PART OFF.
  • If you don't get those however, here's how you do it. Build your coals in a pyramid-esque shape, only flat at the top, Like an A without the ^.
  • Pour some lighter fluid if you want, but paper works a lot better. Not notebook paper, but like a paper bag that you get from the grocery store. This will get your coals going. Maybe a little lighter fluid, but don't overdo it. Try and remember that it is GAS and gas tastes like crap.
  • Once it gets going, don't mess with it. Leave it alone. Put the cover on, but only half way. Or leave the vent open on top if it's a windy day. Don't move them around, don't do anything. Just let them burn. Drink a beer.
  • They are ready when they all look ashy grey and they are warm. I feel ridiculous even writing this.
  • Coals last longer than you think they do, you don't need to add more. Here's how you know your coals aren't good anymore: they aren't there anymore. That's how you know you need to add more.
  • Dispose of them properly. Nobody thinks a dumpster fire is funny. It's really just annoying.

So, you got that? You can skip half of those and as long as you remember not to mess with them and take the grill part off, we're fine. Seriously.

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