MPD SPECIAL FASHION REPORT: Brewers heels

FASHION WEEK February 25th, 2012

So this is something that is actually happening in real life right now...

Stephanie: I, as are many of you, am riding high on Braun winning his appeal Thursday and then him absolutely crushing his statement Friday. (Did you guys see his hair? And that navy blue button down jacket thing with all of the pockets? Am I starting to like this new Braun?) But then Vince brought me back down to Earth and by Earth I mean a special Hell on Earth where Milwaukee Brewer themed suede pumps are a thing.

The website reads, “PLEASE BE CERTAIN YOU WANT THESE SHOES BEFORE YOU BUY. Due to demand, these shoes are currently available by Pre-Order ONLY.”

What stupid twats are ordering those fucking things? I love the Brewers with my entire being, but I do not want to wear high heels plastered with blue and yellow to a baseball game (you all know my thoughts on heels at the ballpark by now). Oh and they are suede! SUEDE!! Do you know what beer does to suede?? Well you are gonna find out when you wear them to opening day, dickholes.

I guess, we must now begin to mentally prepare ourselves for the parade of fat chicks we will see waddling into Miller Park wearing these heels with jean skirts this summer.

Vince: These heels are kind of conflicting to me. I mean, not liking the Brewers is like number three on Vince's Oh No-No's List (I learned my lesson on that one (that intro..ugh.)) I need to be with someone who loves this team at least 1/10th as much as I do. A girl wearing these heels would be a good sign that she might be worthy of hanging with vintown. On the other hand, oh my god are you frickin' kidding me? The only people who should own these heels are the kind of people who let their kids dress them before a night out on the town. Pink bra? Sure! White tank top? Sure! Brewers heels? Sure! These girls don't care what they look like, they only care that they are wearing clothes and that those clothes are covering their naughty parts (but not too much, wink wink.)

Actually, you know what, I'm sorry there is one other type of person who would like to own these. Really weird roleplaying sex perverts. If you want your wife/girlfriend to dress up like Ryan Braun on your birthday and play a couple rounds of bat and ball with you, that's your business. Buy these heels and never break up with her because she is ruined for the rest of humanity.

Look, I love the Brewers. LOVE the Brewers and the idea of a down ass bitch wearing her Brewers pride on her sleeve (feet?) is appealing to me, but this is just too far. This isn't Nam. This is fashion. There are rules.

MPD answers your fashion questions

FASHION WEEK February 17th, 2012

Is it still proper to wear my Prince Fielder jerseys to Miller Park? My view is he gave so many great years of his career here, and many memorable moments. Obviously, one of the top Brewers of All-Time. So I say I am ok with wearing them, and I wouldn't pass judgement on others who do the same (but really people, the John Jaha ones have to go). What are your views on this MPD? - John

Is this a joke? Prince Fielder is a Detroit Tiger. The ink on his contract isn't even fresh and you want to honor his contributions to the team? Get a grip. Save that shit til 2020 when they give him a bobblehead and add him to the Walk of Fame.

I think people who think it's okay with wearing the jerseys of people who leave the team (the very next season, no less) are the same kind of people who think it's better to be friends with your ex instead of never talking to them again. What's the point? We got what we wanted out of them, had some good times and then things went south and you moved on. Prince Fielder is a Detroit Tiger, he doesn't love you anymore, it's time to move on. Read the rest of this entry »

What The Hell Am I Going To Wear To The Game? Female Edition

FASHION WEEK February 13th, 2012

With opening day vastly approaching we must discuss the topic that plagues women season after season: what the hell am I going to wear to the game? I don’t know about you but the goal of my game day outfit is to (obviously) support the team, look cute and be comfortable enough to do one or seven beer bongs in the parking lot before first pitch. However, from spending many of my summer days at Miller Park I have noticed that not all girls share this thought. Some girls have absolutely no clue what they are doing while others were clearly dropped on their head as a baby, but don't worry it's going to be okay. I’m here to calm your fashion nerves so you are ready for the 2012 baseball season.

There really is a wide range of options you can do for a day or night at the ballpark. Don’t overthink it. Overthinking an outfit will lead to you being very matchy-matchy and having an over styled look. Baseball games are fun and carefree so the clothes you are wearing should be as well.

You know what is not carefree? Wearing a tight dress and heels to the game, the only exception to wearing an outfit like that is being married to a player or being a hooker…or both. But at every game there will be those damn 20-something year old chicks wearing a bandage dress and stilettos. And of course, by that trollop’s side will be her goateed boyfriend wearing a shirsey of some player who was traded in 2006. Naturally, he will also be holding her baseball helmet full of cheese fries so she doesn’t look fat. Don’t be that couple. Please don’t be that couple. Read the rest of this entry »

If Ryan Braun is guilty…

milwaukee brewers February 8th, 2012

And still, we wait.

I don't know about anyone else, but I am having trouble living my day to day life without worrying about the fate of Ryan Braun. I have a kid and a job and tons of friends (okay, two) and like life responsibilities, but the potential suspension of a baseball player is dominating my thoughts and crushing my dreams. Most nights I just put a "Free Ryan" tshirt on my Japanese pillow Kimiko and cry myself to sleep. It's rough because seriously, what if Ryan Braun is guilty? What if he is really gone for 50 games? What is going to happen? What are we going to do?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to... Read the rest of this entry »

Cincinnati Reds season preview

milwaukee brewers March 31st, 2011

The season is just around the corner and the Milwaukee Brewers are currently one of the favorites in the NL Central, but that doesn't mean it's a sure thing. There are still five other teams that want the title who will be fighting for it all season. Do they have a shot? That's what we're going to find out as we work with fans from other teams to figure out how everything is going to play out and exactly what it is we're dealing with. That's right it's the 2011 NL Central Previews!

Today's Guest: A very angry Brewers fan

(What? Do YOU know any Reds fans? Didn't think so.)

Do you know what I did today? I took off work. That jerk Bob from my department already requested off for Monday and the office couldn't do without the both of us so I am stuck working on Opening Day. I know for a fact that guy thinks Prince Fielder's name is Cecil, but what are you going do? Sometimes you hit the bar and sometimes the bar hits you. So anyways, I can't go to the home opener next week so instead I decided to take off to watch a game on TV. My wife doesn't like it because she wants to watch her soaps and the Price is Right and 17 reruns of Jersey Shore on VH1 so I end up down in the basement watching the show on a 16" screen. It's the TV we got when my wife's mom died, but it'll do. I have a few beers (that I have to open underneath a blanket so my wife doesn't hear the tops popping) and it's baseball. I'm all set up for a great day.

The game starts and it's a celebration. Homeruns are hit, Yovanni looks good and the Brewers look like it's 1982 all over again. I'm finishing beers and hiding them underneath the stairs (note to self: empty those out), everything is going great and then the 9th inning starts. Read the rest of this entry »

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