08
Oct 09

Sue this post

ryanhowardRemember that one time the Happy Youngster tried to extrort Chris Coghlan for the ball and I called him a douchebag? Well, somehow a 12-year old girl in Florida has made herself look much worse than HY could ever dream of. The story goes:

A 12 year-old girl caught Ryan Howard's 200th home run ball back in July. Afterwards, she was escorted to the Phillies clubhouse and exchanged it for an autographed ball.  This being America, she sued (or, I should say, her parents sued) in order to get the ball back.  Two days after the suit was filed, the Phillies gave her the ball back.

Actually I take that back, the 12-year old girl didn't do shit. It's her douchebag mother that has made the Happy Youngster look like an okay guy. You see 12-year old's are stupid. I wouldn't trust a 12-year old to walk my dog. You know when you hear about pedophiles going after young girls? They always skip 12-year olds because 12-year olds are too stupid to even get molested properly. If you went up to her and offered to trade her a $5 footlong for the ball she would have done it. She's 12, she's an idiot so I don't blame her. I blame her dumbass mother. Continue reading →


23
Jul 09

YES @bigleaguestew THE NL CENTRAL RACE IS GOOD FOR BASEBALL

nlwildcardBig League Stew currently has a poll up on their website asking if the current National League Central race is good for baseball. Thus far 345 people have answered with a whopping 89% saying that "Sure, why not?" it is good for baseball. To which I say, WELL DUH.

Look, let's come at this from the prespective that I am not a Brewers fan. Let's just say I am a mild mannered baseball fan from somewhere in Nebraska. I don't really have any allegiances because my parents hated me and raised me in Nebraska. I am too stupid to move anywhere cool because I went to school in Nebraska and only know that corn is real good for you. I do like to watch the baseball. The stars of the game are what draw me to it. Albert Pujols! Ryan Braun! Prince Fielder! Lance Berkman! Someone from the Cubs! You know what I would love to see these stars do? Make the playoffs! My enjoyment of baseball is built around my enjoyment of watching these superior athletes compete and what better way to see them than in the heat of a playoff race? Sure, they might only end up with a win total in the mid 80s but if we've learned anything over the past few years anything can happen in the playoffs. I don't care about the Cardinals or the Brewers, I care about Albert Pujols and Ryan Braun. Let me see the stars shine, that's why the Wild Card works. That's why division realignment works.

Let's look at it from the prospective of Major League Baseball and TV Networks. Playoff race=ratings. Makes sense to me.

Okay, now I am a Brewers fan. OF COURSE THIS IS A GOOD THING ARE YOU FREAKIN CRAZY?! WE HAVE THE CHANCE TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS TWO YEARS IN A ROW!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES THAT HAS HAPPENED IN OUR HISTORY?! ZERO!!!!11 NEVER BEFORE AND YOU ARE ACTING LIKE ITS A BAD THIGN?! (OKAY ONCE BUT IT DOESNT REALLY COUNT BECAUSE IT WAS THAT STRIKE YEAR, BUT STILL!!!!!) 82!!!!! WE HAVE THE CHANCE TO MAKE THE PLAYOFFS TWO YEARS IN A ROW AND DEFEAT OUR HATED RIVALS DOING IT! WOOOHOOOOOO!!!!!1 HALLADAY! HALLADAY! HALLADAY!

To Brewers fans, playing as poorly as they have and still being in the race, is great for us. But you aren't a Brewers fan 'Duk, you're a Cubs fan and you are exactly right. This IS bad for you. The last two years have hurt and I feel bad for you, I really do. You don't want your team to make the playoffs again this year because this year's team is a lot worse than last year's team and you're not sure you can handle that kind of thing again. What could be worse than that is making a late run, only to fall a game behind. Or losing a tiebreaker. That would suck. As a Cubs fan you desperately want someone to run away with this division so you don't have to worry about what might happen if they actually do this thing. And I don't blame you one bit. As for the rest of us? A tight NL Central is great.


12
Jun 09

JJ Hardy is WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

The web is alive with rumors that there is a Brewers trade on the horizon. The center of this talk is JJ Hardy. Earlier I didn't see it happen, but the more I've thought about it. The more it makes sense. My previous argument was that the Brewers wouldn't trade their 5th best hitter. Which makes sense, only Hardy hasn't turned it around and to date the only people who have hit less than him are Bill Hall and Jason Kendall. Yet he still has a lot of value because a lot of people don't see him ending up like this. If the Brewers can get a GOOD starter, like real good for Hardy and not much else. They should do it. It's the right thing to do. Unfortunately, not everyone feels the same way. Like this 13 year old girl who goes by the handle foreverJJsgirl.

foreverJJsgirl

omigod r u serious! is this 4 real? this would be like the dumbest thing evr!! what are they thinkin!?

/listens to Jonas Brothers

this is sooooooo stupid, stupidr than my parents not letting me go to Twilight by myself bc it was pg-13 and i was only 12. god i hate them so much. i cant wait to go to college like my sister.

/watches trailer for New Moon

ne ways about JJ it would be so stupid. like, who are they even going to trade him to? like the bears or somethin? ugh i hate them but i would b there biggest fan if they had jj. hes just so damn cute. hes like david from my 3rd period if he grew a goatee.

/wears clothes she shouldn't be wearing at her age

but then i couldnt go to there games and see jj! itd be so stupid when my dad made me go if jj wasnt there. miller park doesnt even have a starbucks. i guess braun is cute and gamel is alrite, but jj is just soooo cute. hes like a jonas brother. i would totally marry him if my dad wasnt such a jerk who wont let me date.

/doubts her dedication to purity promise ring

ok i get it they need better pitching or something. why not trade corey hart (eww country music) or prince fielder (too fat) or craig council (old as my dad lol)? dont take jj from us, hes the mvp... of my heart.

/texts

ugh i have to go now, my mom says i have to get off the internet and do my homework.

/listens to sad Hannah Montana song alone in her room on repeat


02
Jun 09

The Miller Park Drunk E-Mail Show live from my parents basement

talk_show1227725709

This is a baseball blog that hardly talks about baseball so I thought we'd try something a little different this week and you know, actually talk about baseball. To do this I enlisted some help and had an email chat with Al Bethke of Al's Ramblings, one of my favorite Brewers blogs. Al mostly concentrates on the sabermetric side of the Brewers and generally takes a contrarian viewpoint on most things. When it's all said and done he ends up being right a whole lot more than he is wrong which kind of makes him annoying (I kid.) It got kind of long so we are going to break it into two parts, with part two tomorrow.

Miller Park Drunk: Okay, let's kick this thing off Al. One thing that I have written about in the past that has gotten a lot of feedback from my readers is the subject of booing. There are a lot of people out there who think it's okay to boo people who are under performing or making generally bad decisions. I was at the ESPN game this past Tuesday against the Cardinals and the crowd was openly booing Suppan when he was pulled. It just doesn't make any sense to me. You are a bit more of a Suppan apologist than I am, but at the same time whether I like him or not I am smart enough to realize that no matter what happens he is going to be starting every fifth day for the rest of the season. To me, you should never boo your own team under any circumstances. Boo your umpires. Boo your Barry/Manny/A-Rod's of the world. Boo your Sheffields. Leave your own team alone. It's almost like people who beat their dog for going to the bathroom in the house. It does absolutely nothing to change things and just makes your dog hate you. What I'm wondering is how you feel on the subject of booing and why do you think that so many casual Brewers fans think it's okay? I don't see how Mike Cameron striking out three times in a game is worse than their beloved Brett Favre throwing 15 interceptions in the first half. Continue reading →


20
Apr 09

Because thinking of the Cubs is not at all depressing

Sad Cubs FansThere's this Cubs fan, right? And his dad died (sad). His dad was a Cubs fan which means that his dad died without ever seeing his team win a playoff game World Series. While this guy is burying his dad he thinks to himself "Man, this cemetery is depressing, there's got to be some way to lighten this thing up." Does he start drinking like a normal human being? No. Laugh with old friends? No. Share stories? No. Bang a random girl in a mausoleum? No.

He decides that the best way to lighten up the old cemetery is to make it look more like Wrigley Field.

"The goal was to try and take away some of the gloominess and depression from a cemetery visit,"

Seriously, because his dad doesn't have enough bad memories of the place he wants to be dead there too. Because as a Cubs fan the only thing I love better than thinking about my dead dad is how much my team chokes every year. Because when I think of my parents being dead, I also want to think of Steve Bartman. Yeah, great idea guy. Here's another great idea: Wrigley Field divorce certificates because when I want to think about my wife leaving me I also want to think about how my team hasn't won a playoff game in two years.

Read the whole thing for a good laugh. I love the part where he says this has nothing to do with the economy, that just floors me for some reason.

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