02
Mar 10

The Brewers are former stars of pro wrestling

It is officially my favorite time of the year.

The weather is slowly starting to get better, spring training has begun and Wrestlemania is right around the corner. Yeah, I said Wrestlemania. Just like everyone that didn't get laid enough wrestling was a big part of my life growing up. I mean, who didn't have a Stone Cold, Rock or nWo t-shirt in that sweet 97-2000 period? Losers, that's who. This should come as no surprise to any of you really. After all, Miller Park Drunk WAS the site that originally suggested the Ultimate Warrior theme for Todd Coffey and we all know how that turned out.

I don't watch as much wrestling as I did back then, but I usually always end up checking it out around Wrestlemania time. If you're looking for a good show, it's a pay-per-view that never lets you down unlike the majority of boxing and the occasional UFC PPVs I have watched over the years (one of the many positives of watching a fake sport.) Sure, there is still some stupid stuff on the show like last year's 20 minute Kid Rock concert, but overall at the end of the show I always feel as if I've gotten my money's worth and it's a perfect set-up drinking-wise for Opening Day. Last season was the perfect storm for my Wrestlemania/baseball orgy as Wrestlemania was Sunday, I went to Twins Opening Day on Monday and then made it home Tuesday for the Brewers first game of the season. Just a great three days of drinking, sporting, hanging with my friends and, of course, drinking. It's spread a bit further out this year, but for some strange reason nothing gets me ready for baseball season like Wrestlemania.

Now all these thoughts of wrestling and baseball have me mixing up the two. Was it Kane that Tombstoned Pete Rose or was that Richie Sexson? Who won 1992 Rookie of the Year for the Brewers, Pat Listach or The Repo Man? The more I thought about it, the more I realized that the reason I am confusing the two so much is because they are so much alike. Richie Sexson was who he was because of his size, just like Kane. Pat Listach basically stole the Rookie of the Year award from Kenny Lofton and then disappeared a few years later because he wasn't that good, just like the Repo Men basically stole people's cars and disappeared because he wasn't that good. (Sidenote: how did Listach get  so many at-bats in 96-97? He was awful, I'm talking Shockmaster awful.) The comparisons are endless. However, for the purposes of this article we'll be limiting the comparisons to players currently on the team. So without any further adieu I present to you...

Miller Park Drunk's Guide to Brewers as WWF/E Stars

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