18
Dec 09

F Christmas, it’s my frickin’ birthday!

Monday is my birthday, that's right I am one of the very lucky people to be born during the week of Christmas. I know, it's crazy right!? I didn't even know it was possible for people to be born around Christmas! (I've only had people make that observation about 15,000 times in my life and believe me it never gets old. How unlucky could I be!) I have spent the majority of my life having my birthday overlooked. My friends could never come to my birthday party because of "holiday commitments" or I would always get the dreaded birthday-slash-Christmas present which, honestly, makes you feel like a second class human being. You see these other people are worth two separate gifts, one for their birthday and one for Christmas, but you? You, you little bastard, are only worth one gift combined! Honestly, you have no idea how much we love your brothers more than you! You couldn't even imagine how much we don't love you, but trust us it's A LOT! We're getting divorced and it's all your fault! Y0u think I'm kidding? I can only remember one Christmas in my lifetime that I got separate birthday and Christmas gifts. For my birthday, Super Mario World for Super Nintendo! For Christmas? A Super Nintendo! That's right, I had to wait FOUR DAYS to play with my birthday gift. Thanks a lot, mom and dad.

Lest you think I am bitter, I have figured out how to move past this and start loving my birthday again. No, I didn't convert to Buddhism. (Those people don't celebrate shit.) I just figured out how to make it work and here's how I did it. Call it:

Drinking Heavily Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love My Birthday Continue reading →


30
Oct 09

Last minute Halloween costumes

It's Halloween, but you are far too cool to dress up. You're just going to sit home, drink some beer and watch game 3 of the World Series. You tell yourself that the reason for this is because you are somehow emotionally invested in this World Series, but the truth is you just don't have anything better to do. Then it happens. That cute boy or girl from work you've had your eye on invites you to a Halloween party at their apartment, but you have to wear a costume. Only problem is it's the day before, you don't have any money and you don't have any creativity. What are you going to do?

You're going to use one of our MPD Approved Halloween Costumes, that's what you're going to do. Continue reading →


16
Sep 09

Top 5 t-shirts to buy outside of a Cubs game

I don't know about you guys, but I LOVE the t-shirts they sell outside of a Cubs game. I can just sit there and read them and laugh all day long. Except that they don't allow drinking on the street so I just take a quick glance at them and go inside the bar. Anyways there are a lot of excellent ones out there and I just wanted to show you my top 5 so you know which ones to buy me. :))

  1. horrykow
    Fukudome has kinda been a letdown, but this shirt still makes me laugh every time.
  2. ozziemowsmylawntshirt
    Some people prefer the "Pujols mows Wrigley" shirt, but I think this one is perfect. Ozzie just looks like he mows lawns.
  3. fudgepackers
    I don't know what I love more about this shirt, the fact that it exists or the fact that I am able to buy it.
  4. brewers_suck_sausage
    Because sausage is another word for penis lol.
  5. pooholes
    Get it? Pujols, POO HOLES? HAHAHA.
    Best. Shirt. Ever.
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    Robin Yount Throwback Jersey Size 48 (XL) Milwaukee Brewers
    Robin Yount Throwback Jersey Size 48 (XL) Milwaukee Brewers
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