I have a question for the male readers of the site. Have you ever been pondering the offseason moves of the Brewers and thought to yourself "I am glad they re-signed Craig Counsell, he's kinda hot"? I mean, everyone has had that conversation with a friend that starts like "I know you're not gay, but..." and you immediately yell out "DONNIE FROM NEW KIDS!", right? And then after having that conversation you continue on to "Okay I know you are totally straight and stuff, but which Brewers player would you have sex with if you had to?" No? You've never had that conversation with one of your buddies? Not even once? Really? Well, I guess I'll just have to tell you about it then because Tyler and I have had that conversation many, many times and we'd like to share one with you. Why? Because we are so totally okay with our sexuality that we don't care who reads it! We don't care if the guys we are writing about making sweet love to us read it, we want them to! So, like, forward this to them. Please.
Vince: Hey Tyler, I've got a question for you that's been bothering me for awhile and I want your opinion on it. If you had to have sex with a member of the Milwaukee Brewers, who would it be? Continue reading »
Doug Melvin: It gives me great pleasure to introduce the man who I believe will single handedly turn around the Brewers next season, the man who will save our pitching staff and lead us back to the promised land of the playoffs, the man who will surely make up for the loss of the players we have let go and take us to our rightful place atop the National League, ladies and gentlemen Mr. Randy Wolf!
Randy Wolf: Thank you very much Doug. I just wanted to start by saying that although Milwaukee wasn't my first choice, they did offer me the most money and I am honored to be here. I think that we have a great chance to finish at least second next year and that should be awesome. Now, if you'd like to ask some questions I'd be glad to answer them. Continue reading »
I like to think that I am the world's foremost expert on d-bags who wear gloves to a baseball game. When I am asked to go on CNN to comment on the Happy Youngster's inevitable serial killing spree, I want it to to look like this.
I can talk and write about this topic forever. They never stop being fun to make fun of. I know the ins and outs of the game and in some ways I'm the Bill James of the hating-ballhawks community. So you should know that NOTHING on this planet gave me more pleasure than seeing Conan O'Brien give him the business on the Tonight Show. In case you missed it: Continue reading »
So, this is it. Our last chance to go to Miller Park. It seems like only yesterday I was doing a countdown to Opening Day, telling you what not to wear and how to drink. Now? It's all over. If you haven't been to a game in awhile and want to get one last one in, stubhub has some truly crazy deals on tickets right now (Terrace for $.50, Field Infield Box for $15, Loge Infield for $10, Loge Diamond Box for $10, tons of deals). They might win, they might not. Doesn't really matter. Miller Park is a great place just to hang out. If you don't have faith in the team on the field just stay in the parking lot for the first four innings. I can't say I've never done it and I know you'll have a good time because it's ALWAYS a good time. Personally, I am happy with my last game of the season being Wednesday's game (and not just because I'm still hungover.) I got to see Prince go yard, a starting pitcher actually do a good job and Trevor Time. I can't think of a better way to remember this season than that (outside of flipping The Happy Youngster over the railing into the bullpen).
Speaking of my last game, something really weird happened at it: I met some readers and they were happy about it. "It's a pleasure to meet you" they said. My only reply? "Really? Seriously? You're kidding right?" I'm glad that people read this blog and I'm more glad that the people who read it really like it, but let's face the facts. I'm just another douchebag who spills his beer on a pregnant chick. Nothing to get excited about.
Anyways, enjoy the weekend gang. I'll be back Monday with more stuff, just like I'll be back every week all winter long. Just because the Brewers will be gone doesn't mean I suddenly have important stuff to do. Quite the opposite.
The thing that I love most about Brewers fans is their ability to travel. The Brewers can't go on a road trip without someone from Wisconsin taking their vacation around wanting to see them play. While other teams may have larger fan bases, the Brewers fans are as loyal as anyone. They're like really good stalkers. I like to travel with the team myself, but I prefer to spend my money on multiple games spread across the season as opposed to spending a lot on a single series. Another thing I love? Drinking. That's why I try to take the trip down to Wrigley for at least one game a year. I'm still traveling with the team, it doesn't affect my Brewer game budget and I can drink heavily. About a month ago I picked Thursday's 1:20 game as the perfect opportunity to make my annual trip and got four bleacher tickets because I wanted sun. My crew for this day was my buddy Oscar (Brewers fan) and two other buddies (Cubs fans). We all had the simplest of instructions, prepare to get legendary.