16
Nov 11

Miller Park Drunk’s Offseason Predictions

One month.

That's how long it's been since the Brewers were eliminated from the NLCS and robbed of their chance of the World Series by Shaun Marcum the Cardinals. A lot has happened since then. The not-Brewers won the World Series. The Packers didn't lose a game. The Badgers lost a couple they shouldn't have, effectively ending their season. The NBA died. Mark Kotsay signed with another team making the Brewers one rapist looking guy short. Eddie Kingston won the Grand Championship and Colt CaBunny was liberated. The Walking Dead's second season began and producers forgot it was a show about zombies. Kim Kardashian got divorced. Zooey Deschanel became single. Justin Bieber came out with a Christmas album. A guy smoked (a cigarette!) in a political ad. It's been a wild ride.

As for me, it's been a pretty wild ride. Faced with breaking up with my girlfriend and never talking to her again followed by my true love breaking my heart by losing in the playoffs to the Cardinals, I guess you could say I had a little mental break. I went on a journey, not like some lame On The Road inspired journey, but a journey of the mind. A spiritual journey, because that is not at all lame, that took me to the very depths of my soul and made me rethink each and every thing I thought I believed in. I now realize many things about myself and life that I didn't realize before. I know now that the world belongs to Ryan Braun and there is nothing we can do about it. I realize that we are all just puppets in a mass system designed to get us to spend money on a baseball team that will never love us back, but this realization will never stop me from continuing to do it. I've come to figure out that life isn't fair and that God, as we picture him, probably doesn't exist because the Cardinals not only beat us, but won the f*ckin' World Series.

/breathes into paper bag

The point is I return from this journey not with any sort of resolved issues, but with a clear vision of the future. I've gained an understanding of Doug Melvin and the Brewers that has never been witnessed before on this spiritual plane and come to you today with revelations of what our future holds in 2012. Our future, as philosophers say, is so bright that you might want to put on sunglasses. Continue reading →


20
Oct 11

The Brewers lost: How They’re Handling It

Are you over the Brewers elimination yet? I know I'm not. Last night was the first game 1 of the World Series I didn't watch in my entire life. Seriously, I used to turn off Sesame Street to watch that sh-t. I didn't even gamble on it! I just want to pretend it doesn't even exist. It's a weird feeling being this depressed for this long, but I'll be over it eventually. It's like breaking up with someone really. Only if when you broke up with them you knew you were going to get back together in a year, you could check in on them whenever you wanted, they were going to make changes to make themselves better and that neither of you were going to see anyone else for the whole time you were apart. So, you know, the complete opposite of what every girl who has ever broken up with me does.

Still, it's good to know I am not alone in this. Plenty of other Brewers fans have been feeling this same sense of loss and pain. It's good to be together through this, isn't it? Glad you're here. Couldn't do this without you. What's even better to know is that the Brewers themselves are going through some of the same depression that we are and thanks to my standing as the Milwaukee area, baseball specific TMZ I have the pictures to prove it. As you'll see the funny thing about depression is that no two people handle it the same way and the Brewers are no different. Continue reading →


02
Oct 11

Ten

I really can't imagine yesterday going any better for the Brewers than it did. Every starter except Hart and Morgan got on base, Yo looked amazing, Braun and Fielder showed why they are the best duo in all of baseball and from the first inning on everything seemed to go the Brewers way. From the moment Braun threw out Willie Bloomquist you just knew there was no way the Brewers were going to lose this game.

And then there was Prince's homerun. The Brewers didn't need Prince's two run homerun to win this game, but when we think back on this one that will be the image that sticks out in our minds simply because it wasn't supposed to happen this way. Nobody expected them to let Kennedy pitch to Fielder. We were supposed to get the reliever or they were supposed to walk him and then it'd be over with. Instead we got what happened, we got a moment. An image of Prince Fielder celebrating with his teammates that will be replayed over and over in Brewers highlights forever. Amazing.

Also, we got this:

It was an awesome day and yet it is only the beginning. There are going to be a lot more days like yesterday on this run. Ten more like it hopefully.

(I am playing this after every Brewers win from now on. Deal with it.)


29
Sep 11

Milwaukee Brewers Playoff Beards: A Preview

THE PLAYOFFS ARE HERE! And you know what that means... PLAYOFF BEARDS!

I shaved for the last time yesterday and I am not shaving until the Brewers win the World Series! YEAH! PLAYOFFS!!!!!!!

Some of my other blogging pals have already started on theirs. Tyler Maas has been working on his for awhile, Jack Moore of Disciples of Uecker started his when he hit puberty (last summer) and plenty of my bros on twitter are going to be doing the same. Playoff beards are in this year. It's the cool thing to do if you want to appear really dedicated to your favorite team, look stupid and not be attractive to women all at the same time.

The Brewers are most likely to join in because that's the sort of thing that professional athletes do. Some Brewers, like Prince, already have beards, but others don't. Sometimes it's really hard to picture someone with a beard if they have never had one before. Facial hair is just one of those things that is hard to predict, but I don't like that. I hate the feeling of not knowing. So I did what any blogger in my situation would do. I hired those people who tell you what your baby is going to look like before it is born and I gave them a bunch of money to tell me what a few of my favorite Brewers would look like with facial hair. Seemed perfectly reasonable at the time.

The suprising results are after the jump. Continue reading →


14
Sep 11

Prince Fielder and Nyjer Morgan are mean meanies

In a desperate attempt to stay relevant Sports Illustrated polled 215 MLB players asking them who the "meanest player in baseball" was. I'm unsure of what Sports Illustrated used to define mean, but based on the top 10 it's probably just a poll of "who do you think is an asshole?" Here is that top 10:

  1. AJ Pierzynski (natch)
  2. Chase Utley (Really? But he's so cute)
  3. Milton Bradley
  4. Carlos Zambrano (Seriously, how big of an upset is Big Z and Bradley going behind Utley? That dude must eat babies.)
  5. Vicente Padilla (Who?)
  6. Alex Rodriguez (received 24 votes, all from the Yankees)
  7. Chris Carpenter
  8. Albert Pujols (Two Cardinals? I'm shocked. Shocked, I tell you.)
  9. Nyjer Morgan
  10. Kevin Youkilis (Once again, the Yankees outdo the Red Sox.)

And #13.... Prince Fielder.

Two Brewers in the top 15. Does this mean that we have arrived? I mean, there are also two Yankees, two Red Sox and two Cardinals in the top 15 as well and the only true test of success is how many people hate you. You never hear anyone saying "I hate the Astros" because nobody gives a crap about the Astros. They're just there and then they trade some players to the Phillies and then they're still just there. That's their role. We can't hate them because they don't do anything for us. The Brewers existed in a similar bubble throughout the 90's and maybe, just maybe they have finally broken out of that bubble and other teams are starting to hate us because of how good we are.

Or maybe Prince and Nyjer are just a couple of assholes. Continue reading →