19
Jan 11

Prince Fielder is the highest paid Milwaukee Brewer of all time

Milwaukee, WI -- Prince Fielder settled his arbitration case with the Milwaukee Brewers and will now make $15.5 million dollars to play in 2011 making him the highest paid Milwaukee Brewer of all time. He gets a $5m raise over last season and has now made over $36.7 million in his Brewers playing career. He surpasses teammate Zack Greinke and former Brewer Jeff Suppan to become the highest paid player in team history.

"I still made $42 million from that team in my career so I don't really care." Said Jeff Suppan when asked about losing the team record. "Prince still can't touch me there."

Added Suppan "Can I get a plug in? Print this article out for 15% off your next meal at Soup's. Don't miss $5 Fridays and our Fast Pitch lunch specials. Go Cardinals."

Fielder doesn't know what he plans to do with the money, but according to his wife he is going to save every penny. "Prince has another thing coming if he thinks he's going to spend all that money on a fancy new car or something for himself. That money is going straight to me and the kids. College fund, school clothes, braces, books, toys, Justin Bieber performing at their birthday party; only the best for our kids and don't forget about me. Don't even think about forgetting about me Prince" said Chanel, who does all the hard work around here anyway. "Prince can keep driving the mini van. There's nothing wrong with it."

When reached for comment Fielder's agent Scott Boras just threw money in the air and laughed maniacally. Our attempts to follow up failed when his secretary said that he was "super crunk" from drinking a virgin's blood and that it'd be best to leave.

According to long time teammate Corey Hart it would be a good idea for Prince, who has been a vegetarian since 2008, to go get a cheeseburger from McDonalds.

"He's always going on about how when he was a kid he did a McDonalds commercial with his dad and Cecil didn't buy him a cheeseburger. 'A double cheeseburger was only $1.19!' he says it every time we pass a McDonalds. It's like you're a millionaire just buy yourself a cheeseburger, man."

Fielder has also expressed some worry about his new found fortune. "I just keep hearing about how more money means more problems and that doesn't sound very cool. And then I heard this song that was like 'money must be funny in a rich man's world' which I have no idea what that meant, but it doesn't sound good. Really catchy though."

At press time, Fielder decided it was best not to spend any money and stick with the 2008 Honda Odyssey he'd been driving for the past three years. "It's just been so good to us, you know?"


30
Nov 10

What are they gonna do? Plan #1: Go All In

What are the Brewers going to do this offseason? Who knows? Doug Melvin has seemed non-committal whenever he's asked about anything and nobody else is talking. Prince Fielder is yet to be traded. Rickie Weeks is yet to be re-signed. What does it all mean? Did the top stop spinning at the end?

I don't claim to know what they are going to do or even what they could do, but I can idly speculate. That's why we're bringing you the first in a series: What are they gonna do?

Going for it is the plan that pretty much all Brewers fans want to see. Screw the future, we want to win. You would put up with four 90 loss seasons if it resulted in one World Series win (I doubt this), you wouldn't even complain about it (I highly doubt this). After getting a taste of the playoffs and winning baseball a couple of years ago (three years, really?) we have been starving for more ever since, kind of like your sister after that one time. We want to win. The Cubs sucks. The Astros suck. The Cardinals aren't unbeatable. Let's do it. Let's go for it all. Now.

What would the Brewers have to do to make this sort of thing a reality? Well, I would imagine it would look like this:

  • Keep Prince Fielder
  • Don't trade anyone from the current roster unless that person is Carlos Gomez
  • Trade Jeremy Jeffress, Brett Lawrie, Mat Gamel and every single player it would take for Zack Greinke
  • Offer Cliff Lee twenty five million per season
  • Offer Brandon Webb a 1-year contract loaded with incentives that could see him make $15 million, possibly with a player option for 2012
  • Settle on overpaying Carl Pavano
  • Sign Rafael Soriano or Grant Balfour to three year $30 million contract

This would give the Brewers a great rotation, solidify the bullpen even more while maintaining the core of the offense. They would be, undoubtedly, the favorites to win the National League Central and probably at least an 8-1 bet to make the World Series. This would be the very definition of "going for it". So what's the problem? Continue reading →


18
Oct 10

Sorry Casey McGehee, but the Milwaukee baseball writers are stupid morons

The Milwaukee chapter of the Baseball Writers Association of America cast their votes and selected their award winners for the 2010 season. It was no surprise that Yovani Gallardo won the Brewers pitcher of the year award and that John Axford was awarded the "newcomer of the year". I mean, who were people supposed to vote for? There was a slight upset when Trevor Hoffman took down incumbent Craig Counsell for the "Good Guy of the year award". He'll receive a write-up in the JS upon his release and a wanking motion when I read it for the award. The real travesty took place when Anthony Witrado was born in the Brewers team MVP voting. Here's how that went down.

(1st place votes are worth five points, three for second and one for third.)

NAME 1st 2nd 3rd TOTAL
Casey McGehee 3 1 1 19
Weeks 1 3 2 16
Hart 2 1 1 14
Braun 0 1 0 3
Fielder 0 0 2 2

(I had to do some guessing on the voting, but this is the way math worked based on my calculations. If I'm wrong feel free to correct me.)

I don't want to become all "I'm on the internet and I have blog, look at these advanced stats that prove how wrong this is!" guy because then I'd have to kick my own ass, but seriously Casey McGehee is probably the fifth best player on this team and he doesn't deserve this award. Let's look how he stacks up against the other Brewers and you can judge for yourself. Continue reading →


12
Aug 10

300 Days of Fielder

Last night the Brewers saw a pretty cool record take place. No, I'm not talking about becoming only the seventh team in history to give up four straight homeruns in an inning. That'd be stupid. Why would I want to talk about that? HUH? WHY!? MY PARENTS GOT DIVORCED WHEN I WAS A KID DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THAT TOO!? (*takes deep breath, hugs Teddy Ruxpin*)

No, what I am talking about is Prince Fielder starting his 300th consecutive game. He already broke Robin Yount's 274 game streak earlier this season, but you know how baseball is with it's big round numbers and 300 just sounds better than 274. Coming on a week in which we saw the Brewers roll out an outfield of Alcides Escobar, Joe Inglett and Lorenzo Cain because of injuries to Braun and Hart, it becomes even more impressive. I mean, if you put Braun, Fielder and Hart in a lineup and asked someone to pick the healthiest of the three would anyone pick Prince? Anyone? Yet, that's the way it's been for over two years now. In fact, since becoming a Brewer Prince Fielder has never spent anytime on the DL and the least amount of games he's played in a full season is 157. Since 2006 Prince has appeared in 751 of a possible 763 games. Seriously. Prince is the shit, yo. Continue reading →


02
Aug 10

The Milwaukee Brewers didn’t make any deadline trades and re-signed Corey Hart and that’s okay with me

I have been prepared for the Milwaukee Brewers to trade Prince Fielder and Corey Hart for a solid two months now. Heck, I've already written a goodbye to Corey Hart. While trading our two most valuable assets may have seemed like a great idea on paper (we could get Wade Davis, Matt Cain, Gordon Beckham and Daniel Hudson!) I can't help but to agree with the non-move the front office made. As Disciples of Uecker noted the players teams got in return for their players were terribly unfavorable. It was a buyer's market as evidenced by my favorite summation of a deadline trade by KenTremendous:

So, Yankees get Berkman, Astros pay his salary and get nothing in return. That seems like a good deal for Houston. Well done.

"We want Montero for Berkman." "How about we give you nothing and you give us four million dollars and Berkman." "Even better!"

Teams simply weren't trading their pitching prospects, at least the ones we wanted, and if they weren't going to do that there was no point in trading anyone. Nobody got desperate, so nobody got traded. It's as simple as that. Prince and Corey stay. We like those dudes so we're happy. (We're also happy because we kind of called it.)

Then, in the most surprising news of the year, the Brewers signed Corey Hart to a three year contract extension. It's shocking to see his transition from "mostly pointless" to total elation, but there it is. Honestly, I don't even know what to say. Continue reading →

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