01
Aug 12

AJ Lee: A GIF Appreciation

My love of pro wrestling is no secret. I went to Wrestlemania last year and I am going again this year. I'm going to Chikara in two weeks. I'm wearing a Colt Cabana t-shirt right now. I've made two awkward appearance on TH's The Wrestling Podcast. It's just my thing. I always have and always will love this stupid deal where people pretend to fight and put oil all over their bodies. I just love it.

Because of this I often find myself falling in love with the girls on the screen. She likes wrestling and she is attractive? Sign me up! Last summer my dad and I went to Chikara in Chicago and after watching Sara Del Rey kick the living shit out of Icarus I could tell he had a bit of a crush going on. Which was weird because I didn't want to have to fight my own dad to the death over her. When I was in high school and starting to figure out that boobs were the best thing in the world, WWE gave me Sable who had enormous fake ones that she had no problem showing me. It was love at first breast. Then they followed her with Trish Stratus who made me fall in love all over again and still does a little bit. Then Stacy Keibler who is hot enough for George Clooney so like really hot. Then Melina whose entrance made me somewhat uncomfortable (in a good way.) Then Maryse who was hot until I found out she was banging The Miz. (Seriously, I'd rather be with someone that had face herpes than someone The Miz touched.) All these girls with many in between have made me continually have crushes/infatuations with the women involved in professional wrestling.

Here's the thing though. They are all pretty girls, but at the same time they are "wrestling pretty." Much like a stripper seems pretty because she is taking her clothes off a lot of these girls seem prettier just because they are on a wrestling show. You guys remember that period where WWE convinced us that Chyna was really hot and she did two Playboys? Yeah, WWE (and plastic surgery) convinced us that THIS was really hot. I used to think Francine was gorgeous and she's really not (see if you can guess why I thought that.) That's what I'm talking about. This isn't a knock on the women at all. They are pretty girls who could probably kick my ass, but if you stand 98% of them next to Alison Brie or Anne Hathaway they look homely. A pretty girl in something you like looks 1000% prettier than if she was in something you didn't like. Look at Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica. Pretty? Yes. omg da prettiest girl ever? No, but don't tell that to some Battlestar fanboys. It's just the way it is. Why do you think I hook up with so many ugly girls in Rickie Weeks jerseys? Our mind plays tricks on us sometimes.

AJ changed all of that because AJ is not only the prettiest girl to ever grace a wrestling ring. Continue reading →


16
Mar 10

CUBBIES SEASON PREVEIW

So I know what I said before about never coming back, but I just couldn't help myself when it comes to the 2010 Cubbies. The Cubs are too damn good NOT to write on the internet about! This Is The Year. Plus, I couldn't stand the thought of that douchebag Vince writing some stupid crap like "we don't think the Cubs are that good this season". Hey buttface, it's only you! There is no we! 'We' would imply you had friends, which you don't.

Before I get to the Cubs, I want to say a few things about some of the things that have been going on at this god forsaken site lately.

  • I don't see what everyone's problem with Ryan Braun's restaurant hiring good looking people. We do this in Chicago all the time. You know why? Because if we hired a fat girl to work at Giordano's she'd eat all the pizza!
  • Here's something I actually agreed with, the Opening Day post. I love Opening Day because I can go down to Wrigley Field about 8am and start doing Jager bombs. I usually get so drunk I totally miss the game, lol. One time my boy Danno got so wasted he got thrown out of the bleachers. That's like getting arrested in jail. Classic. I never miss Opening Day.
  • You people in Milwaukee have some crappy tattoos. You need to get some cool barbed wire around your muscle like me. You'd probably have to stop eating cheese and actually work out to do that though. NEVERMIND!
  • Finally, this pro wrestling post may be the most pathetic thing I've ever seen. What's next, MPD? What Star Trek characters are Brewers? What Dungeons N Dragons guys are Brewers? What Brewer would be the best at World of Warcraft? Way to show your nerd colors, nerd.

Enough of this stupid Brewer talk because the BREWERS SUCKKKK!. Let's talk about a real baseball team. Let's talk about YOUR CHICAGO CUBBIES! Continue reading →

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