Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and most of you are probably already checked out for the holiday, but just in case you are like me and completely irresponsible, waiting til Christmas Eve to buy anyone anything than I have a list for you. I can't tell you what anyone wants (probably something involving their cellphone), but I can tell you what they DON'T want. So here's 10 Christmas gifts you shouldn't get for that Brewers fan in your life, don't worry there is still time to return it! Read the rest of this entry »
|I know [Melvin] is trying to make our ballclub better. I know he recognizes the importance of making a move and making it soon. But at the same time, I think everybody's recognized there's a lot of teams that are still in th--|
|Oh, I'm sorry. Did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that, eh. Please, continue. You were sayin' something about how you think I should do my job eh?|
|What's the matter? Oh, y-you were finished eh? Oh, well allow me to retort!
What does Bernie Brewer look like?
|/flips over bench
What country you from?
|"What" ain't no country I ever heard of, eh! And I would know aboot a country called "What", eh. They speak English in "What"?!|
|ENGLISH RYAN BRAUN DO YOU SPEAK IT EH?|
|Then you know what I'm saying? Describe what Bernie Brewer LOOKS like, eh!|
|/points mustache at Braun
Say what again. I dare you, I double dare you motherf@%&r say what one more goddamn time, eh!
|Go on, eh.|
|He has a big yellow mustache.|
|Does he bring joy to children?|
|/slaps Braun with mustache
DOES HE BRING JOY TO KIDS, EH!?
|Then why you trying to f@%& that up? Why you trying to demoralize the people in the organization at a time when we should be pulling together. It puts a bad taste in our mouths.|
|Yes you did. Yes. You. Did, Ryan. You tried to demoralize people in the organization and Bernie Brewer don't like to be f'd by anybody except Mrs. Brewer.
Do you read the Journal Sentinel Ryan?
|God, why? The Bible is so much better. There's this passage I've got memorized, sorta fits the occassion.|
|No, that's not even a real passage, eh. It's Deuteronomy 21:18-21.|
|"Suppose a man has a stubborn, rebellious son who will not obey his father or mother, even though they discipline him. In such cases, the father and mother must take the son before the leaders of the town. They must declare: 'This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious and refuses to obey. He is a worthless drunkard.' Then all the men of the town must stone him to death." Eh.
That's kind of insane.
I think I know what I have to do.
Ryan Braun enters the locker room carrying a large box.
|/throws Remetee shirts in the air
Free shirts for everybody! Even you Mike Burns and Seth McClung!
/walks the Earth like Caine
|/dies of autoerotic fatality|